Tekkaman Z
by KajitaniEizan
Summary: Chapter 1 REMASTERED VERSION uploaded slightly higher readability! If at first you hated TekkaBladeZ, try, try reading it again! Prepare thyself for insanity and silliness as the story of Tekkaman takes a unique and zany twist :
1. In Which Saber Randomly Rejects His Rada...

Author's True Note:

This story will contain elements from other fan-fictions. The most noticeable one in this chapter is taken (without permission) from the story, Scars of the Past, written by Teknoman Claymore. You will find that Tekkaman Z is going to contain scenes that parody scenes from other fan-fictions written by other authors. If you feel that your rights are being violated, don't hesitate to contact me. Thank you.

Of course, all of the Tekkaman/Dragonball characters that are not made up by me are property of their respective creators. I hope you enjoy this fiction.

**** Parody Begins ****

Author's Note:

One day, I was thinking, "What if...Saber randomly rejected his Radam side, became good, and helped Blade?" I realized that I had hit upon the most revolutionary idea in the history of Tekkaman fanfiction; this fresh new idea would show how clever I was – I could assert my superiority over all other Tekkaman fanfic writers! I immediately set about on my quest, and the first thing I did is come up with a nifty, intricate, allegorious title. So here it is, my masterpiece of fanfiction, set in the Tekkaman universe...

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-[ **Tekkaman Z**]- 

Episode 1: In Which Saber Randomly Rejects His Radam Side, Becomes Good, and Helps Blade! 

By: Kajitani-Eizan 

Setting: Some random battlefield. Blade and Saber are fighting as usual, with Pegas hiding close by.

Blade struggled to push away Saber's lance.

_Why... can't... I... win...?_ thought Blade as Saber pushed down even harder with his lance in an attempt to cut Blade's faceplate open. _I don't—_

Blade's internal whining was cut off by an infernal beeping sound. The pentagonal crystal on his forehead began to flash yellow.

"Kusssoooo!!!!!" yelled Blade as he writhed in agony.

"Hahahaha," laughed Saber. "It's so much fun to watch you scream like the wuss you are. I think I'll watch as you suffer."

Saber's head suddenly jerked upwards in surprise. "No… No way! I just thought of the greatest idea for my Outlaw Star fanfic! Okay, after Jim falls out of the spaceship by mistake, I'll have Gene use the anti-craft missiles to—"

"No way!" said Blade. "You mean you're writing an Outlaw Star fanfic? I am too! Isn't that a coincidence— ARRGHHH!!"

Saber glanced down to see Blade scream from a particularly painful spasm.

"Well, off I go," he said. "I guess I'll finish you off right here to end your misery."

Blade winced, "But... you're my brother! Please, don't kill me! You still have time to rejoin us!"

Saber pondered for a moment. "Okay! I've decided to join you and the Space Knights!"

He raised his lance up over his head and thrust downwards, conveniently piercing the bubble where the Radam mind critter resided, causing it to die instantly. Suddenly, he slowly dropped to the floor, losing consciousness.

"Umm... okay..." said Blade. Realizing that he needed to de-transform, he shouted, "Pegas, get your sorry ass over here!"

"Affirmative," replied the bulky robot as it hovered closer to Blade.

"Open the fucking chamber—ARRGHH—NOW!!"

"The adjective 'fucking' is not in my dictionary," replied Pegasus.

"Open the—SHIT THAT HURTS—interlock chamber, dammit!" screamed Blade.

"Affirmative," replied Pegasus.

Blade jumped into the blue robot, becoming Aiba Takaya once again. He stumbled over to his brother, who had similarly reverted back to Shinya. He gently shook Shinya.

"Shinya...wake up!"

Shinya opened his eyes, which were now a normal brown color instead of an evil scarlet color.

He said, "Let's go kick some Radam ass!"

"Yeah!" said Ringo.

"Oh, Takaya, I'm glad you're all right!" sobbed Aki as she fell into Takaya's arms.

"I'm okay..." said Takaya, comforting her.

"I'm glad," said Miyuki, falling into Takaya's arms. Suddenly, she said, "Takaya, I need to tell you something. I only have three days left to live at this rate. But, maybe our old friend Bulma that we haven't talked to in years will have a solution!"

"Okay," said Shinya. "We'd better talk to her."

"Okay, good!" she said. "Now let's randomly make love, Takaya!"

Takaya froze. "What the hell?! I'm not having an incestuous relationship with my own sis—"

"No, stupid, *I* said that," said Aki.

"Damn dangling pronouns..." said Takaya. "But still, Aki, I realize that you really like me, and I really like you, but I don't think it's a good idea quite yet... ah, what the hell, why not?"

***

Two hours later

"Takaya...oh...that was wonderful..." sighed Aki.

"Yes, it was great," replied Takaya. The two rested in each other's arms, savoring the moment of afterglow.

"Okay, can we go now, dammit?" asked Ringo.

"Yeah, I was kinda bored of waiting for you two to finish," said Miyuki, who was sitting on the same rock that she was sitting on for the last two hours.

"My... what stamina," remarked Shinya. "Too bad you didn't show that much while fighting me, or I might have returned to humanity sooner."

"By the way, my brothers," said Miyuki, "I only have 70 hours left."

"SHIMATTA!!!" yelled the group as Blade and Aki hastily dressed and boarded the Blue Earth.

***

"Is this the Briefs residence!?" Takaya practically yelled into the phone.

"Yes, this is Bulma Briefs," said Bulma. "How can I help you?"

"Hi Bulma, this is Takaya, and I wanted to know—"

"Oh, Takaya!" Bulma squealed. "It's been so long! Why don't you come over and have tea so we can talk of days long past?"

"No, I can't, you see, Miyuki—"

"Oh wait, sorry, my dad needs to make a call to order pizza," said Bulma. "Call back later! Bye!"

"NOO, don't go—" Takaya desperately yelled into the phone, but Bulma had already hung up.

"Hmm..." said Shinya, walking into the room. "Well, we'll have to go see Bulma for tea. Since it's too late right now for tea—it's about 5:30 PM—we'll have to go tomorrow."

"Yeah, you're right," said Takaya. "We can think about battle strategy and work on our fanfics until then."

Shinya thought for a moment, a rare occurrence.

"Speaking of battle strategy, wasn't Bulma's friend Goku really strong? And what about her husband Vegita? And her son Trunks? And—"

"Nah, forget them," said Takaya, waving his hand dismissively. "They're only human, right? Without Radam enhancements, they can't do crap."

"By the way, Takaya," started Commander Jamison. "Is it possible to get Saber's crystal to repair yours?"

"Why are you on the Blue Earth?" said Takaya.

"...I'm the one asking the questions."

"Yes," said Shinya. "Lemme do it right now."

He placed his now-blue crystal near Takaya's damaged green one. The two began to resonate, and magically Takaya's crystal was repaired.

"All right!" yelled Takaya. "Let's try this baby out! TEK-SETTA!"

Green light bathed him as he rushed out the airlock.

"Race ya to the command center!" Blade yelled to the Blue Earth.

"Okay!" Aki yelled back. "And I'm leaving my room unlocked tonight!"

"...All night—I mean, all right!" yelled Blade.

Ringo smiled. Aki would have a real surprise tonight...

_______________________  
**Next time on Tekkaman Z!**

Takaya and Aki spend more loving time together! Omega finally notices that his bitch (Saber) is gone! Miyuki has even less time remaining! Next time on Tekkaman Z!

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End Chapter 1


	2. The Radam Strike Back!

Author's Note:

This story may contain elements and scenes from other fan-fictions written by different authors.  If you feel that your rights are being violated, don't hesitate to contact me.  Thank you.

Of course, all of the Tekkaman/Dragonball characters/ideas that are not made up by me are property of their respective creators.  I hope you enjoy this fiction.

----------

Tekkaman Z

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Episode 2: The Radam Strike Back!

By: Kajitani Eizan

Setting: Around 6:30 PM, Space Knight Command Center.

Miyuki Meter: 69 hours remaining.

                Shinya twirled the powdered donut on his middle finger, sending white powder everywhere. Takaya watched, bored out of his mind, as Shinya thrust his finger upwards, launching the donut into the air. Takaya neatly caught the donut with his mouth and began to furiously chew at the tasty treat. Shinya growled, annoyed, and took another donut from the Dunkin'-Micro-Sun-AOL-Time-Warner-Soft-Donuts box, placing it on his middle finger.

                Miyuki chose this moment to walk into the room. "You know, Shinya," she reprimanded, "it isn't nice to hold up your middle finger."

                Shinya turned towards Miyuki and clenched his fist in preparation to give her the finger, squashing his donut in the process and causing it to tumble down the front of his shirt, covering it with white powder. Takaya laughed at the sight, which promptly caused him to choke on the donut he was eating. He tried to cough it up, but it was firmly lodged in his throat and prevented any air from entering or escaping his lungs.

                _Is this the end for me…? thought Takaya as he desperately grabbed at his throat. __Will the Radam win due to my grievous error?_

                Shinya could only watch in horror as his brother started to turn interesting shades of blue. 

                "No…Takaya…" he started. "Takaya…TAKAYA!!" 

                He collapsed to the floor, sobbing, unable to help his brother. "Please, God, no…don't let him die…not now…not when we need him the most…"

                "Oh, good God," said Miyuki, crossing the room to perform the Heimlich maneuver. "Can you _please shut up?" She went behind Takaya, put her arms around him, put her fists together, and violently pushed her fists into his abdominal region again and again. Takaya winced in pain._

                "Oh NO!" Miyuki screamed. "It isn't working! Aki! Ringo! Anyone! HELP!!"

***

                "Saber, my sweet little servant," intoned Omega. "Report."

                A Radam tumbleweed rolled by.

                "Saber!" repeated Omega. "I said REPORT!"

                Radam crickets started chirping.

                "…AXE!" shouted Omega. "Come here!"

                The bulky green Tekkaman appeared before Omega and knelt, his head bent. "What is your desire, sire?" he asked, pleased with his poetic inflection.

                Omega glared at his servant. "Where is Saber?" he questioned.

                Axe raised an eyebrow. "He isn't back from fighting Blade?"

                "Of course not, you dolt!" Omega's booming voice shook the chamber. "If he was, then I wouldn't be asking you where he was, would I?"

                Axe pondered over this logic for a while, then decided that Omega was indeed correct. "I see, sire. Maybe…he has randomly decided to defect and join Blade!" suggested Axe.

                "…No, you imbecile," replied Omega. "That's a stupid idea."

                "Oh…"

The two brainstormed a bit longer. "Maybe…" started Omega, swiping his hand to the side in a decidedly Squall-like motion, "he has randomly decided to defect and join Blade!"

                Axe facefaulted. "Er…sire, isn't that what I just said?"

                "No. Shut up."

                "But…"

                "I said for you to shut up! Now go and find Saber, and bring him back to me!"

***

                "Kuso!!" cursed Aki as she unsuccessfully performed the Heimlich maneuver. "It won't work! Just stay calm, Takaya!"

                Takaya reaffirmed that he was cool as a cucumber by widening his eyes even further and violently swinging his head from side to side.

                Aki turned to the blond Space Knight in the doorway. "Ringo, do you have any ideas?!"

                Ringo stared at Takaya's purplish face, amused. "Well…whenever my sink's drain is clogged, I just pour Drano in and—"

                "Bingo, Ringo!" exclaimed Shinya. "Shimatta, I have to get to the supply room as fast as I can! …I know! TEK-SETTA!"

                A blue translucent crystal appeared around Shinya as the force of the transformation pulled his clothes off of him. Aki blushed profusely as she remembered her two-hour escapade with Takaya. Ringo, noticing this, growled at the asphyxiated Takaya with annoyance. He was about to make a witty remark when Tekkaman Saber fired up his thrusters and burst out the door of the rec room.

                "…Ittai…" whimpered Ringo weakly as he lay on the floor, just outside the doorway.

                "Be careful, Shinya!" Miyuki shouted down the hall.

                _I must hurry! thought Saber as he flew down the hall towards the nearest Space Knight Command Center janitorial closet, eliciting screams of terror from the personnel walking down the hall. __The fate of the Earth depends on it!_

***

                "Sir!" called Lieutenant Melders.

                "Goddamn it," groaned General Galt, head of the military. "I'm trying to reach a climax here!"

                "Um…sir…?"

                _That young man, Tekkaman Blade… thought Galt as he continued to stare at a monitor that displayed Blade's most recent battle with some Radam buggers. __He's so perfect…I must have him…_

                "…Sir! I have an important message!"

                _Hmm…my hand is starting to hurt… thought Galt. __I'd better rest and see what Melders wants. _

                Out loud, he said, "What is it, Melders?"

                "Er…it seems that Tekkaman Saber has been sighted inside of the Space Knight Command Center. He is currently flying down the halls, saying 'Takaya, Takaya' over and over again." 

                _Oh no! thought Galt. __That devilish fiend is after my perfect soldier!_

                "Hmm…tell Tekkaman Blade to evacuate the building; I'm going to fire the Mechatama II ballistic missile at the Command Center."

                Melders raised an eyebrow. "What about the other Space Knights?"

                Galt paused. "Oh. Yeah. Them. Tell them to evacuate as well…I guess."

                Melders ran off to the communications center, where he unfortunately was 'distracted' by an attractive female coworker and thus failed to deliver the message.

                "Prepare to fire the Mechatama II ballistic missile at the Space Knight Command Center!" bellowed Galt.

***

                Takaya's eyes widened in fear as he backed away from Saber.

                "Don't worry, bro!" said Saber. "It'll be all right!"

                He unscrewed the cap of the Drano jug and shoved the mouth of the jug into Takaya's, filling Takaya's mouth with Drano. Takaya felt a sudden motion in his throat as the chunk of donut was freed and traveled down his esophagus. Regaining his breath, he quickly spit out as much Drano as he could, but some was still swallowed.

                "You…idiot…" gasped Takaya before he fainted.

***

                "Hmm…that place must be the base," said Axe as he floated in the air. "Soon…Saber…"

***

                "He'll be all right," said the doctor with some relief. "That stomach pumping sure did the trick."

                "Ahh, that's good to hear," said Saber, still in full body armor.

                "Thank goodness," sighed Miyuki with relief. She lightly ruffled Takaya's hair.

                "Yeah, I'm glad," said Takaya. "Too bad I'll have to rest here for the night."

                "I guess that means no midnight fun," said Aki.

                "Damn!" said Ringo and Takaya together. Takaya looked suspiciously at Ringo.

                "But I _might stay here with you, Takaya," Aki said sweetly._

                "I look kinda like Takaya, don't I?" asked Saber slyly.

                "Yeah…so?" replied Aki.

                "Why don't you forget about my brother here and spend the night with me? We'll fu—"

                SMACK! Aki's open palm smashed into Saber's cheek. "Ow…" she whined.

                "Lemme make you feel better," offered Takaya, who promptly started to make out with Aki's bruised hand.

                Suddenly, an alarm blared, drowning out the noise of Takaya kissing Aki's hand and Aki's soft moans of pleasure.

                "What the slut!?" exclaimed Ringo.

                Jamison's head appeared on a nearby viewscreen. "Blade, Saber," he said. "Tekkaman Axe is outside the Command Center. I want you two to take care of him."

                "Yes, sir!" shouted Saber.

                "I wanna go, too!" said Miyuki.

                "No," commanded Saber. "You're too weak. Stay here."

                "But—"

                "No."

                "—I can distract Axe with my round, yet firm—"

                "NO!!"

                "—water balloons!" finished Miyuki. "Hentai, what were you thinking?!"

                "Sorry, Aki, gotta go," said Takaya. "TEK-SET—AUGHH!"

                Red lines appeared all over Takaya's body as he screamed in anguish. "The Drano in my bloodstream—AUGH—must be interfering—ARGH—with my Tek-set's crystal Zeetron-globulization field amplifier…" he managed.

                Jamison stared at Takaya. "What the FUCK does that mean?"

                Takaya winced in pain as the green lightshow faded away. "That means I can't Tek-set until the Drano is filtered out of my bloodstream."

                "How the hell did it get into your bloodstream in the first place?"

                Takaya sweatdropped. "Erm…maybe my Radam powers caused it? Plot hole? …I know! It's Ringo's fault!"

                "Hey!"

                "Anyway, I must be off. Seeya!" said Saber. He flew out the door of the rec room towards the exit.

                _It's time to meet your maker, Axe, thought Saber._

***

                "I'm tired of waiting for you, traitor," muttered Axe. "That's it, time for some action!"

                Axe's Voltekker cells charged up until they were glowing with energy. He thrust his hands to the side into the pose that he had been practicing in front of the mirror for hours.

                "VOLTEKKA!" he yelled. As he did so, greenish energy burst out of the cells, merging into a single radiant beam that raced down toward the ground.

                _Oh, shit, thought Saber as he saw the Voltekker blast headed straight towards him. He charged up his red Voltekker cells, took careful aim, and—_

                _Ah, screw this, Saber thought. At the last possible moment, he dodged, allowing the green Voltekker to sail right by him._

                Jamison looked on in horror as the green energy beam sailed down toward the Command Center.

"Oh my God, NO—"

                There was a large explosion as the whole area was reduced to a large dust cloud.

***

                "Now, you're dead!" yelled Saber. "VOLTEKKA!"

                The reddish beam streaked across the evening sky toward Axe. Axe didn't even have time to scream before the blast smashed into him, burning away at his armor. "AUGHHH!!" he yelled (_after the blast smashed into him)._

                Saber chuckled in victory, watching as his Voltekker finally passed Axe, leaving a badly burnt but still mobile Tekkaman behind.

                Axe glanced down at the ground, astonished. "Why didn't you save your precious Command Center? …Er…mwahahaha! Fool!" Axe began to laugh in glee at the thought that every one of those bothersome Space Knights was dead.

                "Baka." This statement from Saber stopped Axe short.

                "Nani?" Axe said, staring at Saber.

                Saber flashed a red eye at Axe. "You missed completely."

***

                "Takaya!"

                "Aki!"

                "Takaya, I can't—"

                "Aki, I'm gonna—"

                Takaya gave in to his inner urge. He grabbed the last donut and shoved it into his mouth, savoring the sweet, sugary, creamy taste. Aki, coming down off her sugar high, glared at him.

                "Takaya! That wasn't nice!"

                "Mmm…Boston Cream…"

                "I wanted that one!"

                "…You know, you shouldn't eat so many donuts. You're already kinda fat, and—OUCH!"

***

                Saber generated his lance and chuckled, watching Axe stare in disbelief as the dust cloud cleared up to reveal a perfectly intact Space Knight Command Center. Axe took another swig of whiskey from the bottle he was carrying with him.

                "Feeling like shit, huh?" mocked Saber.

                "Nooo, I don't havvve to take a shittt," said Axe in a slightly slurred voice.

                "Ehh…?" Saber stared at Axe with a raised eyebrow. "Oh, I get it. You were drunk enough that you missed. Dumbass."

                Axe flashed a red eye at a point behind Saber. "Two against one is hardly fair, Blade."

                Saber whirled around. "Huh? Takaya, you shouldn't have—Nani?! Oh SHIT I've been—"

                Saber whirled back around just in time to see Axe ruthlessly shove his weapon into Saber's faceplate. The force of the blow shattered the faceplate, allowing the weapon to enter Shinya's mouth.  

***

                "Oh no," said Jamison, fear gripping his heart. "Aiba…Shinya…"

                He backed away from the viewscreen that showed Axe's weapon firmly lodged in Saber's throat and sank down to the floor in grief.

------

Next time on Tekkaman Z!

Is the brave Space Knight known as Aiba Shinya really dead? What about the Mechatama II? Will Aki and Takaya put aside the pleasantries get on with it already? Will they EVER get around to helping Miyuki out? Next time on Tekkaman Z!

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End Chapter 2

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	3. Tension Rising

Tension Rising 

Author's Note:

This story may contain elements and scenes from other fan-fictions written by different authors.  If you feel that your rights are being violated, don't hesitate to contact me.  Thank you.

Of course, all of the Tekkaman/Dragonball characters/ideas that are not made up by me are property of their respective creators.  I hope you enjoy this fiction.

**Last time on Tekkaman Z!**

Takaya temporarily can't Tek-Set because of Drano! Meanwhile, Galt launches the Mechatama II ballistic missile towards the Space Knight Command Center! Saber successfully Voltekkers Axe, but just because the basket was made doesn't mean the inning is over! 

*Axe shatters Saber's faceplate*

Will Shinya be all right?

Axe: "Shinya no baka… Oreno kachida!"

Or will he be sent to the next dimension?

We'll find out today, on…

----------

Tekkaman Z

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Episode 3: Tension Rising

By: Kajitani Eizan

Setting: Around 7:30 PM, Space Knight Command Center.

Miyuki Meter: 68 hours remaining.

                "How does it feel, traitor?" mocked Axe. "How does it feel to have the wrath of Axe jammed into your throat?"

                "K…k…" Saber choked, desperately trying to breathe. He weakly grasped Axe's arm, trying to push it away, but it was to no avail. He felt his mind start to fog up…his vision began to blur…he felt dizzy and disoriented…

                _Sumimasen…Takaya…_

                The vision of the 'wrath of Axe' faded to black as Saber gave up his struggle to stay conscious.

                "Shin-e…Shinya."

                Axe savagely withdrew his weapon, allowing Saber to freefall.

***

                "Oh yeah!" exclaimed Takaya. "TiTiLiCIOUS, right there!"

                "Shimatta…" groaned Aki. "Is that even a word?"

                The two were playing Periodic Table ScrabbleTM in the rec room. This was quite a challenging game; it played like normal Scrabble except that element symbols were used on the holographic game pieces instead of letters.

                Aki placed some pieces on the board. "Ha! ClONeWArSISGaY! Beat that!"

                _Hmm… thought Takaya.__ I can't lose to her; she'll make me 'pleasure' her, and of course Miyuki will be dead long before Aki's satisfied…damn it…Wait! I know!_

_                "Oh! HIKOSeIJURo right there!" yelled Takaya, placing his pieces on the board._

                "Dammit!" cursed Aki. _I KNEW I should have convinced Jamison not to name his element Jamisonium…and O'Rourke just HAD to call his element Rourkium…I was looking forward to being able to force Takaya to spend hours and hours just massaging and sucking my—_

                "Earth to Aki!" called Takaya, waving his hand in front of Aki's face. Aki blinked. "I won! And you know what that means…"

                Aki groaned. "But Takaya, I HATE doing that! It's so…nasty…especially when…"

                Takaya grinned like an idiot. "Don't worry, it's not as if I'd make you lick the underside or anything nasty like that…"

                Aki gave him the finger and began her job.

***

                "Attention Space Knights!" barked Axe. Jamison glared up at the viewscreen, which contained the image of the menacing green Tekkaman.

                "I'll never give in to your—" started Jamison.

                "Shut up," growled Axe. Jamison shut up. "As you have all witnessed, I have incapacitated Saber. Although you may be able to save him by rushing him to your medical facilities, I won't let you do that." He paused. "However, I might be willing to let you save him…for a price."

                Jamison groaned. "What do you want, you bastard?"

                Axe chuckled. "You will give Blade to me, along with his crystal, which you will place in a separate container. I sense through the Tek-net that he is currently unable to Tek-set." He paused, pleased with his rhyme. "You must also give me Miyuki. If you do this, I will spare Saber and your base—for now."

                "I cannot make such a trade," stated Jamison. "What do you think I am, stupid?"

                "Yes."

                "Shut up…that was a rhetorical question."

                Axe chuckled. "Well then, I guess I should Voltekker your base and be off."

                "Last time, you missed," pointed out Jamison. "And even if you didn't, our shields would have protected us from most of the damage."

                "But last time, I was at a distance and was totally hammered," said Axe. "That was all the way back in the last episode. But how well would your shields hold up against a Voltekker fired at point-blank range?"

                Jamison gasped. "No…the Zero Voltekker…"

                "Yes," stated Axe. "And there's nothing you can do about it."

                Jamison lowered his head. _We're doomed… he thought, depressed__. Unless the Allied Military saves us… He raised his head toward the heavens. __Please, God, let the Allied Military—_

                Suddenly, looking at the viewscreen, he had an idea.

***

                Aki sighed. She was about halfway through her job.

                "Yes, more," said Takaya. "Keep going."

                "Do I have to?" she pleaded.

                "Yeah…that's the way…I like it," sang Takaya. He kinda liked the song, even though it was two hundred years old.

                She continued to scrub the toilets in the bathrooms. She hated this job. It was so nasty. Especially when a lardass like Mac used the toilet and stank up the whole place.

                "Can't we afford a janitor?" she whined.

                "No," Takaya replied, "not since you almost killed the last one. The company refused to let us hire any more janitors unless we paid triple the price."

                "So why don't _you do it?" asked Aki, scrubbing away at the underside of the bowl._

                "I do," he said. "We work on rotation, but since you're female, hotshot Ringo cheerfully volunteered for me to fill your timeslot. You're going to make up that time, and then some."

                He studied her, watching her scrub.

                "Why don't you lick the underside?" he mocked.

                "Shut up!"

***

                "Shunt all shield power to the lasers!" shouted Jamison.

                Everyone stared at him, then the viewscreen, then him again. Suddenly, there was a flurry of activity as everyone rushed around to perform the command.

                Axe laughed. "Trying to go out in a blaze of glory, are we? Well, I can easily dodge your pathetic lasers."

                _Yes, that's it, thought Jamison. __Keep boasting and laughing. Just wait until you figure out what we're really doing…_

                Laser turrets popped out of the ground as the shields dropped. The gunners manned their stations and aimed carefully. Very carefully.

                "FIRE!" yelled Jamison.

***

                The young woman lay in bed with her blond lover, basking in the afterglow. The last twenty minutes or so had been marvelous; the two had shared passionate kisses, the contact between their bodies heightening the experience even more so. And then they had merged into one being, a being that perpetually felt ecstasy even without the use of ecstasy. Or something.

                The woman rolled over to kiss the blond man next to her. "I think we had better get up…"

                The blond man flashed her a smile. "Well, how about we go to a restaurant for dinner?"

                "Sure, I'd love to," replied Miss Kisaragi with a smile, "but later. There's something I gotta do right now."

                "Okay, then, see you later," the blond man said as she walked out of the room.

                _Wait a second… "Wait!" called the man. "Didn't you forget your clothes?"_

                Miss Kisaragi jumped back into the room, her face beet-red. One quick change later, she left the room again.

***

                Axe chuckled as he lazily dodged the weak lasers that sailed toward him. The yellow-white beams of energy sizzled by him, occasionally hitting an errant bird that had the misfortune of being in the way. ZAP! Another avian creature fell from the sky in a black flurry of feathers.

                _These creatures look so beautiful when they fall, thought Axe. __Maybe I can eat them after I obliterate this pathetic Command Center. They look well done. I just wish the Center would run out of power already…although I can dodge the lasers up here, I can't get much closer. They'd actually be able to hit me. Only a little more time…_

                Jamison clenched and unclenched his fists over and over again. He was staring at the viewscreen, waiting. Watching.

                _Only a little more time, he prayed. __Just a little more…_

***

                Takaya walked back towards the rec room. "Man, I was in there a long time," he complained. "I coulda been out in five minutes, but no, I just HAD to find a really interesting ten page article on the news console…"

                He glanced at a wall clock. It read 8:20 PM. "Damn, was I really in there for half an hour? Well, Aki must be done with her work…I guess she'll just have to clean the one I had just used later…"

                To Takaya's surprise, Aki was still scrubbing away. "Say, Aki," he asked, "shouldn't you have been done by now?"

                Aki sweated. She didn't want him to know the REAL reason she was not done… 

                "Um…I went out to eat…" she fibbed. _Wow, that's a lame excuse…_

                Takaya raised an eyebrow. "In the middle of a janitorial duty?"

                "Er…well…yeah…"

                Takaya narrowed his eyes. "Aki…have you been cheating on me?"

                "Why would you think a thing like that, Takaya?" Aki replied innocently.

                "Oh, nothing, it was just a joke," Takaya fabricated. "Haha!"

                "Right…"

                "Well then, I'll see you later," Takaya called as he walked out the door to grab dinner from the medical ward. "I should be resting anyway."

                After closing the door behind him, Takaya briskly walked toward the infirmary. _Hmm… he thought. __She says she's not cheating on me, but then who was that in the scene before the last? And who could that blond guy have possibly been…?_

***

                "I tire of this!" shouted Axe.

                "Well be patient a little longer, dammit!" mumbled Jamison.

                "Excuse me?"

                _Oops! thought Jamison. __Did I say that out loud?_

                "Yes, you did," replied Axe.

                "Dammit!"

                "Anyway, as I was saying, I just realized I can just Voltekker you from up here; your shields are down! Have a nice day!" With that, Axe began to charge up his Voltekker cells in preparation for a massively destructive Ascendant Voltekker, a new technique taught to him by Omega.

                _I wonder why Omega didn't teach any of this before, thought Axe. __Why the hell did he wait until Saber defected to bestow the damn thing instead of letting Dagger use it to kill Blade?_

      "Okay, I'm ready!" shouted Axe.

                _Oh shit, thought Jamison. He paused. __Okay, good, I'm not saying this out loud. Damn, I just need to delay him for ten more seconds…I know!_

                "ASCENDANT VOL—"

                "Axe!" interrupted Jamison. "Do you know what time it is?"

                _Hmm…I forgot my watch again… thought Axe._

                Out loud, he said, "No. What time is it?"

                Jamison smirked. "It's 8:27 PM."

                Suddenly, the viewscreen was filled with a bright white light, and milliseconds later, a deafening roar was heard. The Space Knight personnel shielded their eyes.

                "NOOOOOOO…" screamed Axe as his body was ripped to pieces and vaporized by the Mechatama II ballistic missile.

                Finally, the Space Knight personnel looked up to the viewscreen to see only a bright blue sky filled with hope. The birds flew across it, the symbol of victory in the grand standoff between Axe and the Command Center. New beginnings promised to—

                "Oh, shut the fuck up," someone said.

                Suddenly, everyone burst into cheers and hugged each other. Jamison struggled to get away from Maggie, who couldn't seem to hug him enough.

                 "Sir, your plan to delay Axe with the lasers worked perfectly!" congratulated Tina.

                _Somehow, thought Jamison, recalling his dramatic line, __that wasn't as effective as it was when Blade said it…_

------

**Next time on Tekkaman Z!**

Is Aiba Shinya really dead? Who was that blond guy? On a completely unrelated note, what's Ringo up to? 

Will Takaya ever regain his ability to Tek-set?

Takaya One Episode into the Future: "TEK-SETTA!"

Will the Aiba boys be able to stand up to their greatest adversary yet…Bulma's tea? Next time on Tekkaman Z!

-------------

End Chapter 3

-------------


	4. Lances and Lies

Author's Note:

This story may contain elements and scenes from other fan-fictions written by different authors. If you feel that your rights are being violated, don't hesitate to contact me. Thank you.

Of course, all of the Tekkaman/Dragonball characters/ideas that are not made up by me are property of their respective creators. I hope you enjoy this fiction.

**Last time on Tekkaman Z!**

Takaya and Aki are at it again—this time, playing Periodic Table ScrabbleÔ! It's Takaya's win, so that means…Aki has to clean the toilets! But the game hasn't been won yet, Takaya—it looks like Aki might be cheating on you! Watch out!

Meanwhile, Axe is about to attack the Space Knight Command Center! Oh no! It looks like trouble is brewing! But wait—what's that in the sky? Maybe those lasers are doing something after all, even if they're not hitting the green goon!

Jamison: "It's 8:27 PM."

Axe: "NOOOOOOO…"

Hooray! The viridian villain's time is up! But unless they get started soon, the Aiba twins will find that Miyuki's time will be up as well!

Will the gang finally get around to helping Miyuki? How has Saber been faring all this time? And who could that blond guy possibly be?

The answers to some of these questions, and more, will be revealed today on…

---------- 

Tekkaman Z 

---------- 

Episode 4: Lances and Lies 

By: Kajitani Eizan

Setting: Around 8:45 PM, Space Knight Command Center.

Miyuki Meter: 66.75234 hours remaining.

"How is Shinya?" asked Takaya, a worried expression on his face.

Jamison grimaced. "It's not looking good right now…he's at 0.37 BAC."

Miyuki gasped, shocked. "He was drinking before he fought Axe? Bad Shinya!"

Takaya gaped. "What? What happened, Axe rammed a bottle of vodka down his throat?"

Jamison arched an eyebrow. "As a matter of fact, yes. It must have been Futae no Kiwami; there's no way anyone could have shattered a Tekkaman faceplate with just a bottle of vodka."

"Have you been sitting too close to the screen again while watching episodes of an old anime for five hours straight?"

***

"Okay…good…the dialysis machine is ready," reported Al Ned, the resident master of the dialysis machine, over the intercom. "Dialysis will begin in 5…4…ah, what the hell, flip the switch."

Al's assistant, Bob Hick, flipped the switch. The machine began to clean Shinya's blood of the alcohol that he had unwillingly ingested. Bob stared at the machine in wonder as he injected another dose of heroin into his bloodstream, uplifting his spirit into 'another region of the cosmos'.

"He'll be okay in the morning," reassured Al. "He's in competent hands."

"Okay, good," said Takaya, relieved.

"That's good to know," said Miyuki, equally relieved.

"Yep," grunted Mac, who was also relieved, mainly because his constipation had finally let up. He remembered the extreme joy he had experienced at the moment, a joy that transcended all other happiness that he had experienced in his life. That experience in bathroom #5L made him look at life in a new way. He caught a whiff of the strong Lysol aura that permeated through the air from his person and reminisced of the good old days, when he had acquired a tapeworm and could, five times a day, go to the water closet and—

"Um…thank you, Mac," said Takaya loudly as he edged away from the fat Scot. Miyuki, who looked rather green, headed for the bathroom.

_I'd better warn Ringo and Jamison about #5L, thought Takaya. __By the way, where is Ringo?_

***

_I don't need help from Magic Knight Ta-gay-a, thought Ringo as he fired shot after shot from the Zitron gun. __I can take on these buggers by myself._

Ringo cheered in victory as he shot the second to last bugger dead. He turned around and pointed his gun at the final bugger, which was charging at him. He centered the bugger in his crosshairs and smirked.

_Your ass is mine, you Radam freak, thought Ringo. He pulled the trigger. CLICK!_

Ringo froze in horror. _Ohmygod ohmygod, I'm out of Zitron! he thought, his mind racing. __It's at times like these that I wish that I had brought along the whole Soltekkaman suit instead of just the gun…_

***

Aki moaned in pleasure. She was bouncing in her lover's lap, experiencing a joy that transcended even Mac's bliss in bathroom #5L. The two of them bounced in the chair even more violently as they both reached the apex of their activity.

"Oh, yes," moaned Aki. "YES! YES! OHH!"

"Aki!" moaned her lover. "AKI! I—I'M GONNA—"

The two screamed each others' names as the derivative of their ride, the smooth, continuous, differentiable-at-every-point function p, approached zero at t = 20 and then gradually became more and more negative. Using repeated linearization would have shown that a zero of p would be at approximately t = 106, but that is not the point of the matter. Actually, dp/dt would be zero at t =106 and beyond for a while, so t = 106 would not really be a local minimum of p—unless, of course, an _interval of p, [c, 106], was examined, with c being any real number less than 106, in which case, 106 would be a local, and possibly absolute, minimum of the function. This can be easily seen by examining the critical points and the endpoints of the interval, which are the only points that can harbor minimums and maximums. Of course, as stated before, dp/dt is never undefined, and on the interval that we are examining, which is [0, 106], only at t = 0, 20, and 106 is the derivative zero. As you can easily see, t = 0 is also a minimum. By the Intermediate Value Theorem for Continuous Functions, p' will also take on the value of every point in between the values of p at t = 0 and t = 20. Thus, it is easy to see that at some point, the pleasure p of the lovers was exactly half that of the value p at the local maximum, the point (20, p(20)). If you have any concerns regarding this logic, consult your nearest differential calculus book. If you have any concerns about the mental health of the author, you have come to a logical conclusion and thus probably have enough logic to figure this crap out on your own using your local copy of a calculus textbook._

Aki relaxed in her lover's lap, still united with him. She reached up and stroked her lover's white hair. He smiled at her and began to kiss her neck.

"I think we had better go," she said, a smile on her face.

***

Setting: Day 2, around 7:30 AM, some random battlefield.

Miyuki Meter: 56 hours remaining.

Ringo woke up groggily. Next to him was the remaining bugger, who was sleeping soundly.

_Thank God for calculus, thought Ringo as he grabbed his gun and tiptoed away. Suddenly, a burning hot object crashed down into the middle of the bugger at astoundingly high speeds, killing it instantly. As a matter of fact, the function s(t) described the fall perfectly, with the function s''(t) constant and s'(t) a straight line, meaning—_

ZAP! A blue beam shot out of the Zitron gun and fried the resident mathematician. _Thank God there was still one shot left in the Zitron gun, thought Ringo. He glanced back at the object that had fallen onto the bugger. It was Tekkaman Lance._

"Why, hello, pathetic human," said Lance. He got up, obviously groggy from his little nap. "I was about to come down to exterminate you when I fell asleep. Apparently, my thruster energy ran out just now, causing me to fall and kill this poor little bastard here.

"But no matter." Lance generated a lance and pointed it at Ringo. "You will now die."

_From toilet duty into the toilet, thought Ringo._

***

"Ewww!" screamed Miyuki as she woke up with a start. "Takaya, you're drooling on my shirt!"

"What! Huh?" Takaya mumbled as he woke up. He froze in shock as he realized that his hand was resting on Miyuki's chest and that he was, indeed, drooling on her shirt. He quickly jumped to his feet and backed away, wiping the drool off of his chin with his shirt sleeve.

"G…gomen nasai!!" yelled Takaya. "I, I must have fallen on top of you when we fell asleep!"

"How could you?!" screamed Shinya. "Don't you get enough from Aki? Must you 'be intimate' with your OWN SISTER?! I wouldn't even THINK of doing that, ever, not in any time, place, or dimension, not even if the Radam were controlling me!"

Tina arched an eyebrow at Shinya. "…Really?"

Jamison frowned. "It…it must have been Rai Ryu Sen that knocked us out," he speculated as Miyuki and Shinya beat up Takaya. "There's just no other explanation."

***

"Please, God, help me," prayed Ringo. As if on cue, an old man and a young girl appeared from behind a rock. The old man wore a tan vest, a shirt, and grayish pants, and carried a potato in his left hand, and the girl wore an orange hooded sweatshirt and blue capris.

"Aiyaa!" shouted the old man. "It is a Tekkaman!"

The girl gasped. "Oh no! Run, Uncle!"

"No, Jade," said the old man calmly. "I have the Dog Talisman with me, remember?"

"Oh yeah," replied Jade Jr., the young girl. "Go Uncle."

The old man bravely walked up to Lance and dropped into a fighting stance. "Attack," he commanded, taunting Lance with his "old man" fingers.

_What a brave old man, thought Ringo. __I had better help him out. At least I'll go out in a blaze of glory._

"You stay back," said the old man.

_You bet! thought Ringo as he beat a hasty retreat to the rock._

"One more thing! Make yourself useful by making sure Jade doesn't try to fight."

"Yes, sir!"

Lance chuckled. "Well, then, you shall be the first to die, you brave fool."

With that, Lance jumped forward, lance pointed at the old man, shouting, "Flying swordfish about to stab annoying gnat stance!" The old man raised two fingers in a victory sign and caught the lance, stopping Lance in his tracks.

_What the FUCK?! screamed Lance in his head. __How the— The old man launched into a spinning twisting jump._

"Victorious left-handed tiger stance!" yelled the old man as he smashed the potato into Lance's face, sending Lance flying backwards and knocking him unconscious.

_HOLY SHIT!! thought Ringo. __Who the fuck is this old guy?!_

Jade gaped. "Whoa."

"One more thing…Respect your elders!" reprimanded the old man.

Suddenly, Tekkaman Sword landed on the ground next to Lance. "What the…"

She glanced at Lance. She looked at the old man. She stared at Lance. She gaped at the old man.

"Um…yes, well, I…need to take Lance here and…er…do the laundry," fibbed Sword. "See ya!" With that, Sword picked up Lance and zoomed off into space, headed for a Radam base on the Space Ring.

"Wow, Uncle, you were great!" exclaimed Jade. "But…shouldn't we go back to Section 13?"

"Yes," said the old man. "Jackie is probably waiting for us. Too bad he broke his arm and couldn't come with us."

"But I am here, Uncle!" exclaimed Jackie. He walked out from behind another rock.

"One more thing," droned the old man. THWAP! His old fingers smacked Jackie across the forehead.

"Ow!"

"WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WAS FIGHTING THE TEK-KA-MAN?!" yelled the old man. He sighed. "Let's go home so we can relax—"

"Oh yes," said Jackie. "I want to relax after that last encounter with the Dark Hand…"

"—by doing some research!" finished the old man with a smile.

"Oh no…" moaned Jackie.

The three walked off.

Ringo walked over to his jeep. _I guess I could take credit for defeating Lance…_

***

"Um, guys, I only have about 56 hours left until I die," said Miyuki in a serious tone. "We had better stop screwing around and start getting to work."

"Yeah…" said Takaya from the next room.

"We can't do anything until we head out to Bulma's for tea," pointed out Shinya.

"You'd…ahh…better call her up…ohh…right now…" called Aki.

"Okay," said Shinya. He picked up a nearby phone and dialed Bulma's number.

"Moshi moshi!" greeted Bulma.

"Ohayogozaimasu, Bulma," replied Shinya. "Shinya desu. Aiba Shinya. I was just calling to ask if you were free this afternoon."

"Of course!" replied Bulma. "Come by for tea around 3:30!" She paused, pleased with her rhyme. She frowned as she heard something in the background. "Um…Shinya, I'm getting some background noise…"

Shinya flushed red. "Hold on." He reached over to press the mute button and motioned to Miyuki to tell Takaya and Aki to keep it down. She nodded and walked over to the next room.

"TAKAYA! AKI! KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE!" yelled Miyuki into the open doorway.

"Unnh…okay…wanna join us, Miyuki?" asked Aki sweetly.

"Um…no thanks," replied Miyuki. She squinted at the couple. "Er…is that sanitary?"

_Jeez…couldn't they have waited? thought Shinya. He pressed the mute button. "Bulma?"_

He got no response.

"Um…Bulma?"

Suddenly, Bulma replied, "What the HELL are you doing in there?! Shinya! Where are you?" Shinya looked over to the phone console and froze in horror. The mute button was activated. _Wait, he thought. __That means…it wasn't muted before…so Bulma heard everything…?! SHIT!_

Shinya quickly reached over and hit the mute button again. "Eheh, sorry about that, Bulma. So anyway, gotta go, seeya!"

He hung up the phone and sighed, turning to Miyuki. "Well, Miyuki…"

Shinya trailed off as he watched Miyuki stare into the other room in wonder. "Wow," she started, "I never knew Aki was so flexible…"

"TAKAYA!!" yelled Shinya as he ran over to cover Miyuki's eyes. "CLOSE THE DOOR WHEN YOU'RE—"

Miyuki pushed him away. "I'm not a kid anymore, Shinya," she said as she checked her watch. "Oooh, 'Pokémon: The Kyoto Journeys' will be on soon!"

Shinya groaned. "See, you still watch that stupid show!"

"Well, it's skill to be able to remember the names of 3275 Pokémon! Let's see, there's Fruitycake, Tartsnatcher, Laddermon, Sanfrantreat, Yamuchabasher…"

***

"Sir!" shouted Lieutenant Melders.

"Oh, yes…" moaned General Galt, Head of the Allied Military. "Yes…I'm sure I want this…"

Melders flushed red. "Ah…sir?"

"Please…" Galt whispered. "Please be gentle, Blade…"

"SIR!!"

Galt snapped put of his reverie and wiped off the drool that was gathering on his chin with the sleeve of his uniform. "Huh…?"

"Sir, I just received word about the status of the Mechatama II missile!"

Galt hastily readjusted his pants and sat up straight. He then swiveled his chair around to face Melders. "Is my Blade safe?"

Melders gritted his teeth. "Yes, he is safe; all the Space Knights are safe."

Galt visibly relaxed. Melders, whose gaze had wandered towards the floor, noticed this relaxation and swallowed hard.

"Good," said Galt. "Very good."

Melders took a deep breath before continuing. "Sir…the reason all the Space Knights are safe is that the missile never reached the command center."

Galt stared at Melders in shock. "Wh…what?! What happened?"

"It…it seems that the missile was interrupted mid-flight by a Tekkaman…"

_Why? thought Galt. __Why must you betray and contradict me on every turn, my love? Why can you not see things my way? We could be so happy together…_

"…yes, it says here, a greenish Tekkaman—"

"What?" asked Galt. "You mean…"

"Yes, sir," replied Melders. "The Tekkaman known as Axe was hit by the missile and was eradicated."

Galt's jaw hung open in shock. _How could these enemy Tekkamen be so stupid as to run into a missile? he thought.__ Man, am I one lucky bastard…_

Aloud, Galt shouted, "Hahaha! See, I told you, my plan would work! I planned this all along, it's my doing!" Suddenly, he froze. "Oh my God…that means Tekkaman Saber is still alive! Quick! Send our entire army out there to protect Blade at all costs!"

Melders sighed. _What must I do to win your heart?_

Aloud, Melders said, "Speaking of Saber…"

***

"Our story continues as Ass Ketchup, great-great-great-great-grandson of the famous Pokémon master, Ash Ketchum, haphazardly walks along some random route in the forest, with his friends, Pissy and Crock. It looks like Ass's Pokémon, Pickapuu, is having some problems," blabbed the narrator.

"Pick-a-poooooo…" moaned Pickapuu.

"Gee, what's the matter, Pickapuu?" asked Ass. Pickapuu appeared to be trying to reach around to its posterior, but was having little luck.

A title screen popped up. "Episode 547: The 274th Fight with the Repetitive Enemy!" announced Ass's voice. The screen cut back to the forest, where Pickapuu was desperately trying to reach his rear end.

Suddenly, Purrpussy, a large cat, grabbed Pickapuu and shoved him into a plastic bag. "Hahahaha! We've got Pickapuu now!" he exclaimed.

"Hey!" yelled Crock.

"That's not fair!" shouted Pissy. Pissy's Pokémon, Togetpee waved its arms and smiled.

"That's right!" said Jaymes. "For power of truth and evil…"

"…and to ascend the grassy hill…" continued Jesse.

"…to capture the power of light…"

"…firing the icy brand of might…"

"Jaymes! The gorgeous girl!"

"Jesse! The manly man unfurl!"

"Our power combined…"

"Is undefined!"

"So kiss my behind!" finished Purrpussy.

"Oh no!" shouted Ass. "You must be…The Missile Gang!"

"That's right, kid," said Jesse. "We've met for the 274th and final time!"

"Nya-nya!" sang Purrpussy, waving the ShopRite bag in front of Ass's face. "You're gonna hafta fight to get him back!"

"Kuso," cursed Pissy. "It looks like it's time for…"

"…A Pokémon battle!" finished Ass. "Tartsnatcher, go!"

Ass reached into his pocket and pulled out Tartsnatcher. (Where'd you think he'd keep his Pokémon, in his balls or something?) Tartsnatcher jumped in front of Ass and stood there.

"Hmm…which attack should I use…" said Ass. "Should I use BallsOfIron or FastStrike?" The Tartsnatcher stood patiently, unable to attack, since its master had not given a command yet.

"That's it! Sinep, go!" yelled Jaymes. She reached into her pocket and threw Sinep into the battlefield.

"Oh, a 'unlinear' type, eh?" said Ass. "Okay, Tartsnatcher, use BallsOfIron!"

"Tart!" Tartsnatcher did so; they glowed like iron and then shot a beam at the Missile Gang, causing a large explosion that sent the Gang flying.

"Oh no, the Missile Gang is soaring to infinity once more!" yelled the Gang as they disappeared into the distance.

"Yay!" yelled Pissy. "Now let's sleep; all of this fighting made me hot!"

"Okay, I guess…" replied Ass and Crock. Ass pulled Pickapuu out of the ShopRite bag, which the Missile Gang had conveniently left behind, and set up camp.

"And so, our heroes rest for the day…" said the narrator.

Ass, Pissy, Crock, and Pickapuu all waved at a red-haired traveler that walked down a trail. The purple-shirted man waved back.

"What new adventures await our heroes on the road to Kyoto?" asked the narrator, ending the episode.

The Cheezy TV Network logo popped up. It featured a mouse squeaking and devouring large quantities of cheese.

Shinya continued to stare at the TV in disbelief. "…What the fuck was that? How can you bear to watch such shit?"

"Shit?" questioned Miyuki. "That was awesome! It was maybe the fourteenth best episode I ever saw! Better than Gekiganger III, anyway…"

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

***

"Takaya…" said Aki from her seat on the bed. "There's something important I have to tell you."

Takaya's head snapped up. "Aki…" he said, his heart stopping.

"I…" faltered Aki. "I should have said this before, but…"

Takaya leaned forward, resting on the edge of his chair. _Oh no, he thought. __She's not gonna say…?_

"I…" A tear ran down Aki's cheek. "I…"

_Just say it already, dammit! screamed Takaya in his mind._

"I…I love you, Takaya," managed Aki between sobs. "I don't want to ever be separated from you…"

"Oh, you just had to say that crap?" said Takaya, visibly relieved. "I thought you were gonna say something serious like you were knocked up or something…"

Aki stared at Takaya in shock. "You…you mean you don't love me? You…just use my for my body?"

***

"IS NOT!"

"IS TOO!"

Suddenly, Tekkaman Lance crashed through the window, sending glass shards everywhere. He flashed a red eye at Shinya and Miyuki.

"I am here to kill you all," intoned Lance. "But first, I must fight a fair and honorable battle to determine whether I get to kill you or not."

"Hey!" shouted Ringo. "Didn't that old man beat the shit outta you a little while back? How did you recover so fast—"

"You!" thundered Lance, pointing a finger at Ringo. "Shut up!"

"But, it's true—"

"Oi! Johnny Appleseed! SHUT UP!" shouted Lance.

"…That was a shitty comeback," returned Ringo.

"…"

Shinya abruptly broke into laughter. "You…were beaten by…an old man…?" he managed between chuckles.

"Hahaha, that's pathetic," laughed Miyuki.

"SHUT UP, I SAID!" yelled Lance. "Now, are you going to fight, Saber, or what?"

Shinya checked his watch. "Fuck no, I gotta watch 'X-Men: Darwin Style' in five minutes. Hold up, lemme get Takaya." With that, he left.

Lance sat down on the couch and made himself comfortable. _Hmm…I wonder if they have any Kenshin Krunch cereal around here… he thought. __I couldn't even get a raincheck from that ShopRite guy…he was too scared…I had to blow the whole place up…_

"Buy Kenshin Krunch cereal!" commanded the announcer in the commercial. "It's fortified with vitamins and minerals, tastes great, and now, for a limited time, has Kuzu Ryu Sen kanji marshmallows! Look for Saitou brand Chocolate Cigarettes in specially marked boxes! Kenshin Krunch, the breakfast of Rurounis, de gozaru!"

Lance and Miyuki drooled.

***

Aki gazed at Takaya with pleading eyes. _Please don't tell me you've just been using me all along… she thought._

"…Well…" started Takaya. "Aki, I know you've been cheating on me."

"Nani?!" exclaimed Aki. "Wh, what are you talking about?" Her face was flushed with embarrassment.

"Aki!" said Takaya firmly. "Who was the blond guy? And the white-haired guy?"

"I…" stuttered Aki. _I can't believe that he doesn't believe me…_

"Aki. I thought I loved you, but now, I'm not so sure," said Takaya. "Why must you keep secrets? Tell me the truth, Aki. I'm sure that you did it with a blond guy and a white-haired guy."

"What?" Aki's head spun; she felt dizzy. "But…how? I swear, I didn't do anything like that!"

"Aki…"

Aki broke down completely. "I swear it! Why don't you believe me, Takaya?" She started to sob and beat her fists against Takaya. "Why? Why? Why? Why?! I didn't!"

Takaya sat still, taken aback by her reaction. _But…I'm sure that Aki was screwing those two men… he thought. __There's no way that the author is lying…damn that bastard for getting me into this mess!_

Watch your mouth, Takaya. Hmm…suddenly, Takaya glanced up to see a large meteor—

_Okay, dammit, I get the idea, thought Takaya. Aloud, he started, "I…"_

Shinya burst in the door. "Hey guys, sorry to interrupt, but Lance challenged you," said Shinya.

"…Later, Aki," said Takaya as he rushed out the door. Upon receiving strange stares, he ran back in and threw on pants and a shirt. He then left again.

Shinya stared at a sobbing Aki. _Man, she's hot… he thought._

"So, Aki, wanna tell handsome Shinya about your problems?" he asked as he drew nearer.

"No," she said in between sobs.

"Then why have you already stripped down for me—OUCH!"

***

"Ah, so Blade arrives," intoned Lance. "I already saw this episode of 'X-Men: Darwin Style', so I don't really need to watch it."

Takaya only glared at Lance. "I will defeat you, Lance. TEK-SETTA!"

The emerald crystal, once again, provided Takaya with the energy to transform into a metallic knight endowed with impenetrable armor, quantum energy weapons, and superhuman power, known as…Teknoman!

"Tekkaman…Blade!" shouted Blade at the end of his transformation.

"Okay Lance, prepare to lose," muttered Blade.

"What did you say?" asked Lance. "I couldn't hear you."

Blade walked up to Lance and gestured. Lance tilted his ear a bit so that he could hear Blade.

"I said…" whispered Blade. "VOL-TEKKA!"

"Oh no!" shouted Lance. _Damn the time constraints on this episode! "NOOOOOOO…."_

The emerald energy burst forth from Blade's shoulder cannons, enveloping Lance in its luminescence and pushing him outwards into space. Miyuki thrust her hand into the air in victory.

As the sparkling green beam dissipated, Blade relaxed and closed his shoulder cannons.

"Well," Ringo said. "So much for that."

"Next time, Lance," said Blade. "Next time."

***

"That…" grumbled Lance as his injured form floated through space, "was NOT fair and honorable."

------

**Next time on Tekkaman Z!**

Will bathroom #5L ever be usable again? And what's this? Lance heals himself yet again! Even worse, Omega gives the Ascendant Voltekker to another one of his cohorts! Hmm…who the heck was that white-haired dude? What is Galt up to now? And this time, we'll actually get around to it: will the Aiba boys be able to stand up to their greatest adversary yet…Bulma's tea? Indeed, next time, Lance, next time on Tekkaman Z!

-------------

End Chapter 4

-------------


	5. The Remedy Revealed

Author's Note:

This story may contain elements and scenes from other fan-fictions written by different authors.  If you feel that your rights are being violated, don't hesitate to contact me.  Thank you.

Of course, all of the Tekkaman/Dragonball characters/ideas that are not made up by me are property of their respective creators.  I hope you enjoy this fiction.

**Last time on Tekkaman Z!**

Shinya is brought back to the Command Center in bad condition—Axe's villainous vodka sent his BAC sky-high! But he'll be all right; he's in competent hands!

                Omega (with cape flapping and lance at side): "…another region of the cosmos!"

Meanwhile, Ringo is kicking Radam rootie-poo with the Soltekkaman zitron gun! Oh no! He's out of ammo! Wait, what's this? Lance fell on top of the bugger, killing his own alien ally! Thank God for calculus! But it's not over yet, Ringo—Lance is not amused! The towering tyrant sets his sights on the spiffy Space Knight! Luckily, a new challenger steps in to save the day!

                Old man: "Respect your elders!"

                Jade: "Go uncle."

Elsewhere, could it be that Aki is cheating on Takaya? Who's this new white-haired guy?

                Takaya: "Aki, I know you've been cheating on me."

Aki breaks down and releases a torrent of tears! But lo and behold, Lance, now fully healed, challenges Blade to a duel! This discussion'll have to wait, Aki…

                Lance: "What did you say? I couldn't quite hear…"

                Blade: "VOL-TEKKA!"

                Lance: "NOOOOOOOOOO…"

Most importantly, the sly Shinya has finally called up the beautiful Bulma to ask for a meeting about the moribund Miyuki! Just how much time does Miyuki have left? Who the heck was that blond guy? Will the purported plot finally progress? Or will it Drag-On Ball? We may find out today, on…

----------

Tekkaman Z

----------

Episode 5: The Remedy Revealed

By: Kajitani Eizan

Setting: Day 2, Around 8:00 AM, Omega's super-secret base on the far side of the moon.

Miyuki Meter: 55.5 hours remaining.

                The sticky, pinkish fluid pulsated as it flowed around the limp form of the beige Tekkaman, sealing cracks in its armor and mending its charred flesh. The used healing fluid exited the healing pod by way of translucent pink veins that disappeared into the floor. Fresh healing fluid flowed into the pod via other translucent pink veins that protruded from the ceiling. Indeed, the healing pod was a technological masterpiece.

                This is not to say that Omega had any clue as to how it worked, only that he knew how to work it and how useful an invention it was.

                "Hmm…" mused Omega. "Perhaps the fluid contains Radam DNA…nah, that's a stupid explanation…"

                The beige Tekkaman inside the pod began to stir. Within seconds, it opened its eyes—or rather, the human inside opened it eyes; the Tekkaman armor had no eyelids to open.

                "Tekkaman Lance…" intoned Omega. "You are a failure."

                Lance winced. "But sire…how was I supposed to know that the episode was about to fin—"

                "SILENCE, FOOL!" thundered Omega's voice. "You must not be so courteous and chivalrous next time! Be glad, for I have rejuvenated you, pathetic as you are."

                Lance stepped out of the healing pod and flashed a red eye. "I am ready to serve you, sire."

                "Anyway," continued Omega, "you must now go train in the Parabolic Epoch Cabin in preparation for Operation: Body Unit Diversion to become the next level of Tekkaman."

                "I'll become…Super Radam-jin 24?" gasped Lance.

                "…No."

                "Ah, then it must be…a Blastor Tekkaman!"

                "No…that's for later in the plot…maybe."

                Lance stared at Omega, confused. _But then, what could he…oh no. Please, God, no—_

                "You will inherit…" Omega stated. "The Ascendant Voltekker."

                "NOOOOOOOOOO…"

***

                Everyone was silent on the way to Capsule Corp. Shinya was working on his Outlaw Star fanfic, Miyuki was watching Initial D, and Ringo was eating a chocolate bar. The most silent of the group were Takaya and Aki. Takaya just stared vacantly off into space, occasionally glancing at Miyuki to make sure that she was all right. Aki made sure that the Blue Earth was running perfectly fine. Both refused to even look in the other's direction.

                _Why, Takaya? thought Aki as she barely managed to suppress tears. __Why would you think that I would cheat on you? I love you so much…can't you see that I wouldn't ever do anything to hurt you?_

                _Why, Aki? thought Takaya. __Why would you cheat on me, and especially, why would you deny it like that? I love you so much…can't you see that I wouldn't ever do anything to hurt you? Why must you break my heart?_

                Ringo shoved the last of his chocolate bar into his mouth, savoring the sweet, creamy goodness of the delectable dessert. He crumpled up the wrapper and threw it at Takaya, managing to nail him in the back of the head.

                Takaya whirled around angrily. "What was that for, jackass?!" he snarled.

                Ringo smirked. "Rowr! Someone needs a tampon!"

                A dull red crept up Aki's neck as she buried her nose deeper into the computer screen.

                Takaya flushed with anger as he jumped out of his seat and rushed at Ringo. "Why you little fucker! Don't you know I'm pissed off right now?! Don't you know about—"

                "Of course I do," returned Ringo. "And remember…there's always Galt."

                Takaya stared at him, dumfounded. "Nani?"

                Shinya read aloud as he typed, "…Gene grabbed Jim with the grappler arm…"

***

                General Galt sighed as he stared at a videoscreen with a live picture of Aiba Takaya on it. _Another sock ruined…what must I do to have the Tekkaman Blade to myself? Damn those Space Knights!_

                Lieutenant Melders sighed as he stared at a videoscreen with a live picture of General Galt on it. _Another sock ruined…what must I do to have the General to myself? Damn that Tekkaman!_

_                Akamatsu Reiko sighed as she stared at a videoscreen with a live picture of Lieutenant Melders on it. __Another sock ruined…what must I do to have the Lieutenant to myself? Damn that Galt!_

                Reiko had met Lieutenant Melders quite recently. They had met in the hallway, and she was instantly taken by his good looks. Although he did whimper about some stupid message that he had to deliver to the Space Knights, she was easily able to convince him to 'inspect' a nearby janitorial closet with her. _Unfortunately, Melders just took it as a one-hour fling…I want a more lasting relationship…_

                She shook her head as she caught her breath. _I have some pretty weird uses for socks, don't I…_

***

                "Galt? You mean…" started Takaya.

                "Yes…"

                "…that I should join his Allied Military?! No fucking way!"

                "…That's not what I meant…ah, forget it," groaned Ringo as he lazily punched Takaya's arm, conveniently destroying the bug that was planted there.

                Luckily, Galt was not paying attention to the conversation at this time, for he was already fast asleep.

***

                Jamison, carrying a copy of _Scientific American under his arm, suppressed a smirk as he walked into the command room of the Space Knight Command Center. Personnel greeted him as he walked to his comfortable chair at the front of the room. He sat down in his chair, swiveled it around so that he faced the back of the room, and opened his magazine. The surrounding personnel admired Jamison for his diligence. Although he needed to be in the command room in case of emergency, he didn't really need to do anything at this time. It was inspiring for the Space Knights to see their commander work even during his off-hours._

                Jamison suppressed a smirk again. He scanned the table of contents of the magazine that was hidden inside _Scientific American. __What a perfect plan…let's see…Hot Celebs, page 54…ahh…I love Playboy__ magazine…wait, the centerfold's on page 42! I'll check that out first…_

                Jamison nearly drooled as he rapidly flipped to the centerfold. Others smiled as they noted his eagerness to learn more to perform to the best of his ability in his job.

                He gazed at the bottom of the centerfold; he always had liked to start from the bottom and work his way up. _Wow…this chick's got shapely legs…a hot ass…a well-proportioned stomach…huge tits…man…those are big…I wish I could just…hmm, I don't want to stain my pants; let's not think about that anymore… Jamison discreetly readjusted his pants._

                _Well…she has cute, thin arms…luscious brown hair…full lips…looks so young…hmm…wait a second, doesn't she look familiar? Jamison stared at the picture for a full ten seconds, then gasped in shock. He tore his gaze away from the nude centerfold and towards the right side of the room. His heart stopped beating for a second. __What the…?_

                Tina looked up from her work to meet his gaze. "Is something wrong, sir?" asked the blinking brunette.

***

                "Here it is," said Takaya. "Capsule Corporation."

                Everyone looked all around in wonder at the huge garden. The whole ground was covered in grass, numerous trees abounded with avian life, and the flowers—

                "Ohayogozaimasu!" yelled Bulma as she ran out to greet her guests.

                "Ohayo, Bulma!" shouted the Aiba family. Aki and Ringo politely smiled.

                "Follow me!" she said. "You're really early for tea, so I guess this will have to be a brunch date."

                Shinya noticed a large white sphere sitting on the lawn a short distance away. "Hey, Bulma, long time no see. Just wondering, what's that over there?"

                Bulma smiled at him. "That's my newest ship, the Aoi Chikyuu. Watch out, Vegita's training in there…you wouldn't want to get in his way!"

                "Vegita sounds like he's tough," whispered Miyuki to Shinya. "Too bad he's probably not tough enough to fight the Radam."

                "Yeah, too bad," replied Shinya.

                The group passed the crashed remains of the Aoi Kazegaima, Bulma's second-newest ship. The group walked on in silence, tactfully avoiding the somber subject of Miyuki's physical infirmity.

                The group finally reached the door to the Briefs mansion. Bulma motioned for the group to stay back.

                "Open door," commanded Bulma.

                Immediately, various naughty implements popped out of the walls and converged on Bulma.

                "Open door, not whore!" she shouted.

                The implements immediately returned to their respective positions.

                "…Pretend you didn't see or hear that," said Bulma in a low voice. The others nodded and combed the sweatdrops out of their hair.

                "Analyzing voice sample…" droned the porch computer. "Beep! CCVOICEANYLZ512.EXE [512-bit] has performed an illegal operation. Would you like to ignore this or reboot the system?"

                "Fuckin' WindowsOR…" cursed Bulma under her breath. "Reboot!"

                Bulma tapped her foot while she waited for the system to reboot.

                Five minutes passed. WindowsOR finished rebooting and played its customary "toilet flushing" startup sound. Shinya, startled, pulled his finger out of his ear.

                "Open door," Bulma commanded.

                "Analyzing voice sample…confirmed," droned the porch computer. The door opened, and everyone walked inside.

                Miyuki's curiosity finally got the better of her. "So…what's for lunch?"

                "I'm steaming Shinjo's Super Spicy Shrimp Surprise Sandwiches for everyone!" shouted Bulma in a salient-sounding way.

                _Okay, I know this guy likes alliteration, but what the FUDGE?! thought Takaya._

                "But first," continued Bulma, "some tea."

                The trio whitened.

                "Sorry," said Ringo. "I'm a coffee person."

                "…I'd just like some water," said Aki. She looked away from Takaya.

                "Well, then, you three," said Bulma. "Do you mind tea?"

                "No, thank you," squeaked Miyuki.

                A fatal mistake. The twins paled further.

                "Ah, ah," started Shinya, "what she meant was—"

                "W, we really prefer—" stuttered Takaya.

                "I know, I know, you all like ginger tea!" said Bulma as she powerwalked to the kitchen. "I can't believe I still remember this stuff! I'll be back in a few minutes!"

                "NO, WAIT!" shouted Shinya after her, but it was too late. She had already left.

                Takaya whirled around in anger. "Miyuki! What was that for?! Don't you remember—"

                "I—I'm sorry, Takaya!" cried Miyuki. "I wanted to politely refuse, but…I…I didn't hear the question right!"

                "Miyuki…" said Shinya as he gritted his teeth. "Be brave. We'll face this new threat together."

                Takaya unconsciously generated his green Tek-set in response to the sudden flow of adrenaline.

                Miyuki stared at the ground, her eyes welling up with tears. _It's my fault that my brothers are in such terrible danger…They've never had to face a threat as bad as this before…will they be able to stand up to it?_

***

                "Here you go," said Bulma sweetly as she handed a cup of tea to Takaya.

                _OW-HOT-HOT-HOT!! thought Takaya. He quickly placed his teacup onto the saucer on the table in front of him._

                "Um…thank you…" replied Miyuki as she wisely accepted the teacup by the handle.

                "And here you go, Shinya," continued Bulma. Shinya gingerly accepted the cup of ginger tea.

                Takaya held his breath. _If I hold my breath, I won't be able to taste it as much…it should be okay…I hope… He closed his eyes and took a sip._

***

                Vegita stepped out of the training pod, still rubbing his forehead with his sweat towel. _Ahh, he thought. __What a peaceful day. A perfect day to do some training, hopefully kick Kakarotto's ass, and mercilessly pound that woman's training dummy—_

                "AAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

***

                Everything happened in slow motion. Bulma turned around to face Takaya. It took a full second for her to notice that something was wrong. Her eyes widened in shock; he mouth dropped open. Miyuki dropped her teacup, her eyes following Takaya's convulsions. Ringo slowly lifted up his finger, pointed, and laughed. Aki nearly choked on her water from the force of her head turning to see what was wrong with Takaya. Shinya hurled the blue, green, and white contents of his teacup into a nearby garbage can with unerring aim.

                Takaya's convulsions stopped. He grew still.

                "T…Takaya…" managed Aki. She quickly ran over to his side. _Ohmygod please tell me you're still alive!_

                She lifted her glass to his blue lips. "Takaya, drink this!"

                Takaya greedily accepted the crystal-clear water. After a moment, with Aki's help, he sat up, his back propped up against the sofa.

                "Takaya," said Bulma with concern. "Are you all right?"

                _Better than I thought I would be, he thought. __That wasn't so bad._

_                Aloud, he said, "Sorry to alarm you. What happened is…um…I…er…"_

                "Bit your tongue," supplied Shinya.

                "Yes, I bit my tongue!" said Takaya. _Good save, bro._

                "Ah, okay!" said Bulma said cheerily, not noticing that anything was amiss.

                "By the way, that tea was great!" exclaimed Shinya.

                Miyuki stared at him. Takaya was too busy with his own thoughts to notice.

                _That's twice now that my body has dealt with dangerous chemicals, he thought. __Can it take much more of this? Or will I have to evolve into that Blastor shit that Lance was talking about in the first scene?_

***

                Melders sighed. "Sorry, Akamatsu-san, I can't have dinner with you on Friday."

                Reiko pouted. "But…but why?"

                _Because I might have dinner with Galt-sama on Friday, he thought. Aloud, he said, "Because I need to go over some papers for the General."_

                Reiko narrowed her eyes. "For the General, huh…well then, I'd better get going." She frowned as she turned around. "I wouldn't want to get in the way."

                Melders stared at her as she left. _She's nice, but Galt-sama…Galt-sama is way beyond her level…_

***

                "Ah, so must be the Vegita that we've been hearing about," said Shinya as Vegita walked into the house.

                "That's right, kid," replied Vegita.

                "Guys, this is my husband Vegita," introduced Bulma, "and Vegita, these are Kisaragi Aki and Ringo Richards, and these are Aiba Takaya, Shinya, and Miyuki. I used to know them when they were kids."

                "So what's going on these days?" inquired Vegita. He helped himself to a can of Misato brand beer.

                "Oh, nothing much," replied Takaya. "Just fighting off the Radam that have invaded our planet and might possibly enslave all of humanity with their spore plants."

                "Oh," said Vegita. "That sucks." He left to take a shower.

                The group sat in silence for a few moments.

                "Okay," said Takaya. "Now to the point."

                "Yeah?" said Bulma.

                "I'm desperately sick," said Miyuki. "I have about 52.5217 hours left to live."

                "That sucks," said Bulma. "How'd you get sick?"

                "I prematurely broke out of the Radam Tekka-system, causing the fail-safe to kick in, which is slowly killing me," explained Miyuki. "Can you save me?"

                Bulma thought for a moment, then lifted up her head. "Of course!"

***

                "How is it in there?" inquired Sword. She was talking to Lance over the intercom.

                "Bad," he responded.

                "So is it really empty as far as the eye can see in there?"

                "No…"

                "Really?" asked Sword. "I would think that would be the case in the Parabolic Epoch Cabin."

                "Seriously," replied Lance, "It's much worse than that. There are—"

                "SILENCE, FOOL!" thundered Omega. "Did you master the Ascendant Voltekker yet?!"

                "No, master!" replied Lance.

                "Then why are you sitting on your ass talking to Sword?! GO FINISH YOUR TRAINING!!"                "Well, sir," replied Lance, "I'm actually standing, and I'm taking a break because I think my ass has taken enough abuse for today, and frankly, I don't see why the training should involve—"

                "JUST GO!!"

                Lance grudgingly shut off the intercom and resumed his training.

***

                "Really?!" exclaimed Shinya. "You can save Miyuki?"

                "Yep," said Bulma with a nod. Miyuki's face visibly brightened.

                "Then what will you do?" asked Takaya. He was staring at Bulma, eager for her response, a shining new glint of hope in his eyes.

                "It's quite simple," responded Bulma.

                _No way… thought Shinya. __It's amazing that Bulma can come up with a solution so fast. It's like…it's like her mind moves at the speed of light…_

                Aki stared at Bulma, hanging on her every word. _It's not possible… she thought. __How can a person…think so fast…?_

                 "Well," started Bulma, "You see…"

***

                "Beshimi…" said Lance. The short sniper moved one step closer.

                "Hyottoko…" The fat giant pounded his fists together.

                "Shikijo…" The muscle-bound man smirked at Lance.

                "Hannya…" The masked martial artist simply stared at him.

                The four members of the Oniwa Banshu group gathered around Lance with grins on their faces.

                "No, please," started Lance, "I don't think any of you are small enough to…wait, don't rip that! AUUGHH!"

                _His training is going well, thought Omega._

***

                Ringo leaned against the wall, arms crossed, his head down, lost in his thoughts. _Her level of thinking is beyond anything we've ever seen, he mused. __It's almost…god-like._

                Bulma raised two fingers in a victory sign. "…I have a solution!"

                Takaya started to drool in anticipation. _I can't believe it, he thought. __Am I…_

***

                _…dreaming? thought Jamison. His eyes bobbed between his magazine and Tina's face. __It just can't be…_

                "Oh, wow!" squealed Tina. "So you finally found me in your magazine?"

                Jamison flushed red. "What...what are you talking about, Tina?"

                "I had sent in that item, and they must have printed it!" gushed Tina. "Finally! I was waiting for the day when you would open up your magazine and see me in there! I knew you would be proud! I'm so excited!" 

                Jamison stared at her in shock as she jumped out of her chair and bounced up and down in sheer joy. Personnel in the command center stared at the scene the two were making.

                "Y, you…" stuttered Jamison, "sent this in, j, just for me?!"

                "Yep!" squealed Tina with excitement. She winked at him and gave him the thumbs up.

                _I didn't know she was like that… thought Jamison, his mouth dry._

                "Actually," she started, "can you come to my room tonight to discuss the…article?" She eyed his copy of _Scientific American and cutely batted her eyes._

                Jamison's heart leapt into his throat as he weakly nodded.

***

                "Okay, I'm gonna tell you now," said Bulma. The group stared at her intently.

                "But first," she said, as everyone groaned, "you'll have to promise to do me a favor."

                "Okay, okay," said Miyuki, "Whatever you want, I promise…just don't drag any of us to a Tenkaichi Budoukai or some other stupid karate tournament."

                "Don't worry, I won't," replied Bulma. "Okay then. Before I tell you how to cure your condition, you have to promise…"

                "Promise…" echoed Miyuki.

                "…You have to promise…" started Bulma. "…to marry Trunks."

                Everyone silently stared at the suave seller in shock.

                "That's just one burrito short of a Happy Meal!" burst out Ringo in irksome indignation.

                "Yeah!" seconded a big Mac.

                Everyone else just stared at Bulma.

------

**Next time on Tekkaman Z!**

Bulma shows the Space Knights the way to the cure for Miyuki! But it's not going to be easy… And neither is Lance's path to power! Meanwhile, Sword has a little chat with an old friend of ours! And what's this? Jamison is visiting Tina's room at night? Meanwhile, Miyuki only has 52.4 hours left!

What is the cure for Miyuki? What are the Oniwa Banshu doing with Lance? What the fire truck is going on?! All this, and more, next time on Tekkaman Z!

-------------

End Chapter 5

-------------


	6. or Perhaps Not

Author's Note:

Sorry for the slow updates…I occasionally do this thing called "forgetting that the fanfic ever existed for almost two months".

This story may contain elements and scenes from other fan-fictions written by different authors.  If you feel that your rights are being violated, don't hesitate to contact me.  Thank you.

Of course, all of the Tekkaman/Dragonball characters/ideas that are not made up by me are property of their respective creators.  I hope you enjoy this fiction.

**Last time on Tekkaman Z!**

The super Space Knights finally reached the humongous house of the greatest genius of all time—Bulma Briefs! Everything is going smoothly when Takaya's worst fears are realized—Bulma still hasn't trashed her teapot! Aki and Ringo wisely choose safer drinks, and Miyuki and Shinya use wily strategies, but Takaya is forced to take one for the team!

Meanwhile, the laughable Lance is fully healed! Determined to please his master, he is forced to enter the Parabolic Epoch Cabin to train hard and receive the awesome Ascendant Voltekker! But can he endure the trials of the nasty ninjas of the Oniwa Banshu?

And what's this? Jamison is slacking on the job, and with his trusty Playboy magazine, no less! But that's not all…doesn't that centerfold cutie look familiar?

                Jamison: "Kore…korewa…!"

Can it be that the youngest of the Space Knights is a Playboy model? And what does she need to talk about with Jamison tonight in her room…?

Meanwhile, Bulma isn't going to help Miyuki for free…she's going to have to marry Trunks! Is the purple-haired punk _that_ desperate for a girl? Will Reiko ever win the Lieutenant's heart? Will we ever learn exactly _how_ she uses socks? Some of this, and more, today on…

----------

Tekkaman Z

----------

Episode 6: ...or Perhaps Not

By: Kajitani Eizan

Setting: Day 2, Around 11:00 AM, Omega's super-secret base on the far side of the moon.

Miyuki Meter: 52.5 hours remaining.

                Omega's astral form finished meditating in the meditation room. He stood, immensely calmed by the soothing relaxation techniques that he had just performed. Walking towards the door, he mentally estimated how long it would take Lance to finish his training in the Parabolic Epoch Cabin.

                _Only five more minutes…_ he thought. _Of course, that means that he won't actually finish until next month, or at least the middle of this episode. Oh well. No matter._

                The Radam warlord attempted to open the door, but it did not budge. He frowned, then carefully inspected the control panel next to the door.

                _What the…_ he thought. _This door is locked from the outside! Someone must be trying to foil my plans by locking me in! Treachery!_

                He pounded on the door with all his might, but to no avail. He fought to keep down the rising panic. _Just stay calm,_ he thought. _There has to be a way out…wait, I have an idea!_

                Omega, in a stroke of creative genius, phased through the door.

                _Damn, I keep forgetting that I'm in astral form…_

***

                Takaya's mouth hung open so wide that one could pass a prohibitive pile of pocket pita pizzas through it. Shinya, Miyuki, and Aki were in a similar situation.

                "Well?" asked Bulma. "Do we have a deal?"

                Aki exploded. "What?! You can't just expect Miyuki to marry Trunks! What about her feelings? Do you think she wants to marry Trunks?! Why don't you think about—"

                Suddenly, the door burst open. A blond-haired young man ran through the door, kicked off his sneakers almost faster than the eye could see, and skidded into the enormous living room that the Space Knights and their happy hostess were in.

                Miyuki, for one, had noted the way that he had turned the corner. _Two-leg inertia drift_, she thought with stars in her eyes. _This guy is really good._

                "Mom!" yelled the adolescent, who was in his late teens. It was obvious that he was very excited about something. "Goten and I were hanging out, and then he said we should try something new, and it made me feel—"

                He stopped short when he saw the guests. "Oh, hi. My name's Trunks."

                "Huh?" blurted Takaya. "I thought you were a 'purple-haired punk'!"

                "…What are you talking about?" asked Ringo. "We've never heard anything much about him before. Have you got a box of cereal missing or something?"

                "…" Shinya couldn't find an appropriate way to deftly debase Ringo.

                "So, about your hair…" started Takaya.

                "Well, I…um…" Trunks fumbled.

                "He just dyed his hair," Bulma quickly supplied.

                "You did…?" whispered Miyuki dreamily.

                "Yeah," he said, turning to Miyuki. He unintentionally posed for a three-quarter profile shot, complete with gleaming smile, lame sparkles, and a cheesy background.

                Miyuki blushed and felt her knees go weak. _He's…he's…_ she thought, as 'love theme' music began to play.

                "Is something the matter?" inquired a troubled Trunks.

                _I…I never felt this way before…_ thought Miyuki as she flushed red. _I feel like…_

                "Okay, you can cut the sappy music," said Shinya.

                Miyuki closed her eyes, fainted, and keeled over towards Trunks.

                "Miyuki!" cried Aki and the Aiba twins in unison.

                Trunks jumped back, letting Miyuki fell face first to the floor with a thud.

***

                Omega finally arrived at the door to the Parabolic Epoch Cabin. It had taken him the better part of ten minutes to get there from the meditation room, even despite the relatively fast moving speed of his astral form. He peered into the view screen that allowed one to view the goings-on of the Cabin. He smiled, seeing that Lance's training for 'Operation: Body Unit Diversion' was almost at an end.

                _Just five more minutes…_ he thought.

***

                Melders sighed as he turned a corner. He shuffled his papers around, trying to get them in order. He flushed with embarrassment at the memories of what had happened a few minutes before.

                "Galt-sama," saluted Melders. "We have just received an update on the location of the enemy on the Space Ring."

                "Good work, Melders," replied the glabrous General Galt of the Allied Military. His eyes looked distant; he was obviously meditating on some important matter.

                "Sir?"

                There was no response. _Maybe he's asleep with his eyes open? guessed Melders. __No way…Galt-sama would never do anything like sleeping on the job._

                "Ah, sir?" repeated Melders. "Sir?"

                Galt shook his head a bit as he came back to earth. "What? What were you saying?" He glanced down at the report in his hand.

                Melders swallowed, slightly hydrating his suddenly dry throat. He licked his lips, gathering up his courage for his next question. This question might be all-important; it might change his life forever. _I'm really nervous…he thought.__ No, I just can't do it…_

_                Just fire the goddamn gun! screamed his conscience.__ …I mean, just say it!_

_                Melders cleared his throat. "W, well, I, I was just asking, do you want to go out for lunch right now?" Sure, he may have stuttered, and the last part of his sentence came out a bit fast, but it got the message across._

                Or so he thought.

                Galt continued to look at the report. "No, not now."

                Melders tried to contain his disappointment. "Yes, sir…" he saluted again before turning around and briskly walking out the door.

                Melders sighed. Even though minutes had passed between then and now, his heavy disappointment weighed on his disposition like a dark shroud.

                As he turned another corner, he saw a familiar figure cursing at a control panel.

                "Goshdarn, dumb mother-fussing piece of dung!" she yelled as she pounded on the door controls. Well, her language was slightly more…abrasive, but…

                "Try pressing _that button before you enter your code," suggested Melders._

                Startled, Reiko spun around to face Melders. She tried his suggestion, and the door slid open. "Thanks, Lieutenant."

                "No problem, Akamatsu-san," replied Melders.

                "So, Melders-kun," started Reiko. "Do you want to go out for lunch right now?"

                Melders paused. He narrowed his eyes. "No, not now."

***

                Bulma walked back into the room with a glass of water. "Is she okay?" she inquired. Takaya and Shinya were kneeling close to Miyuki, with Aki and Ringo sitting nearby. Trunks maintained a polite distance from Miyuki. He was staring off into space, his eyes slightly crossed.

                "Yeah," said Takaya. "Although I don't know what's wrong with her. She usually never gets sick."

                "Hmm…" mused Aki. "I'm sure she doesn't have a bacterial infection, since we gave her that heavy dose of antibiotics when she cut her legs while shaving."

                "I swear I didn't convince her that using a hacksaw to shave would be a lot quicker and less painful! Honest!" exclaimed Shinya.

                Everyone in the room gave him an odd look.

                "Right, lad…I don't think it ken be a cold, either, since she didn't _look sick to me," commented Mac._

                "So why would she faint?" asked Shinya.

                "Hmm…" thought Bulma. "Could it be…her Radam affliction?"

                "No way," chimed in Ringo. "That's not for another fifty-plus hours!"

                Just then, Miyuki began to stir. She opened her eyes.

                "Miyuki-chan…" said Takaya. "Are you feeling better?"

                "Yeah," she said, sitting up. "Must have been the heat or something." _Yeah…Trunks is so hot that I passed out…_

                "Well, now that you're out of wonderland," said Bulma, "what do you say?"

                "I guess I accept," Miyuki replied.

                "Miyuki?!"

                Trunks raised his eyebrow in suspicion. "Accept what?"

                "She accepted my offer that she marry you in return for the treatment of her condition," replied Bulma.

                "NANI?!" shouted Trunks. "Mom, you know that Goten and I—"

                "Trunks!" said Bulma sharply, a warning look in her eyes.

                "Goten and I had, uh…discussed this before…I'm…not sure I want to get married just yet," said Trunks. "You can't force me into marrying someone I don't like."

                _You…don't like me…? thought Miyuki._

                "Oh, so is sweet Miyuki here so unlikable?" countered Bulma.

                "No, that's not it," replied Trunks. _Well, I guess otosan would say that she has a nice rack, so… "But…"_

                _Oh, maybe it's just that he doesn't know me yet, thought Miyuki. __I hope we can become friends…he's so dreamy!_

                "You had better give her a chance," said Bulma, "unless you want 'a little birdie' to let Vegita in on something that you might not want him—"

                "Okay, okay!" said Trunks. "And I hope that Chichi doesn't know about—"

                "About what?" asked Vegita. He had just come out of the shower and was wearing a certain pink shirt.

                Trunks and Bulma froze. "Well," started Bulma. "Sit down, and I'll tell you. Want some water?" Bulma's brilliant brain raced to come up with a way to get out of this precarious predicament.

                _I've got a bad feeling about this, thought Vegita._

                _What is with that shirt…? thought the Space Knights._

                "Hey everyone, would you mind heading outside for a minute?" asked Bulma. _I think I can avoid telling him about Trunks' questionable relationship for now…_

                Mrs. Briefs, Bulma's mother, happened to walk by at that moment. "Ooh, guests!" she squealed. "Anyone want hot tea?"

***

                _Mmm… thought Shinya. __This tea isn't half bad. In fact, I'd say it's pretty damn good._

                Takaya, Miyuki, Aki, Ringo, and Mac sipped some of their tea, savoring its gentle goodness. Apparently, Bulma's mother was much better in the kitchen than Bulma.

                "Thank you for the tea!" chorused the Aiba siblings. Aki, Ringo, and Mac nodded their heads in agreement.

                "You're welcome!" squealed Mrs. Briefs. "Anyway, I have to go water the garden now, so just feel free to wander off or whatever!" She walked off to another part of the enormous grounds.

                "Right," said Aki as they all wandered their separate ways.

***

_                Galt checked his watch. "Hmm, it's time for lunch," he noted. He suddenly remembered his recent exchange with Melders._

                "Galt-sama," saluted Melders. "We have just received an update on the location of the enemy on the Space Ring."

                "Good work, Melders," replied Galt._ Soon, he thought, __I will finish my plan to destroy those alien freaks and will become the greatest hero of the human race! And the Tekkaman will be at my side, my forever loyal servant…_

                "Ah, sir?" repeated Melders. "Sir?"

                Galt snapped out of his reverie. "What? What were you saying?" He glanced down at the report in his hand.

                Melders paused for a moment, then cleared his throat. "W, well, I, I was just asking, do you want to go out for lunch right now?"

                Galt continued to look at the report, skimming it for specific details of the enemy's positions, not really listening to Melders. "No, not now." _Hmm…it would seem that any plan to defeat the enemy would involve those accursed Space Knights…why is my military so darn incompetent…?_

                "Yes, sir," Melders saluted again before turning around and briskly walking out the door.

                "Damn!" said Galt. "I should have accepted his offer. Now I might have to buy my own lunch!"

                As he walked out the door, he glanced back over his shoulder to the picture of Blade on his desk. _Soon, Tekkaman…_

***

                "Nnngh!" grunted Takaya as he swung his racket as hard as he could. It solidly connected with the ball, sending the ball flying over the net at a high speed. As a matter of fact, the speed as a function of time can be approximated by the Maclaurin series—

                "Thank you for the insightful—nngh!—commentary," interrupted Ringo. He had just barely managed to reach the ball in time to deflect it back at his opponent. "You know what, Takaya?"

                "What?" Takaya asked as he hit the ball back to Ringo.

                "I know for sure that Aki—haa!—really likes you," said Ringo. "And that you like her back."

                "Congratulations on your astute observation," replied Takaya.

                "So why are you shunning her? I mean, jeez, maybe a day ago you two were sc—"

                "Scheduled to go on toilet duty," cut in Takaya.

                "Riight…" said Ringo with a smirk. "So what happened?"

                "Well…Ringo, I suspect that she's cheating on me."

                Red crept up Ringo's neck. "N, no way! She wouldn't do that! She likes you too much for that!"

                Takaya narrowed his eyes as he smacked the ball so hard that Ringo was unable to reach it in time.

                "Good shot, hotshot," said Ringo. "You nearly dented the wall."

                "Sorry," replied Takaya. "It's just that…I have this weird suspicion that she's cheating on me…hell, she could even be cheating on me right now…"

***

                "Ohhh…yes…yes…"

                "Ohh God Kisaragi, I love how you clench—AAH!" The raven-haired man reached the apogee of his roller-coaster ride of pleasure and let out a long moan of bliss.

                The two lovers rested for a long minute, a brief hour, entwined in each others' arms. 

                "We had better go before someone gets suspicious."

                "Right…"

***

                "…and that's how I tried to hook him and Miyuki up," finished Bulma.

                "Well…" said Vegita. "Whatever. It's cool with me." _That wasn't bad at all…but why is my ki sense acting up…?_

                "Rad, bro!" shouted Krillin.

                "Shut up, baldy!"

                "…Why are you here?"

                _Whew… said Trunks. __'Kaasan weaseled her way outta this one, but how long can I hide it from otosan? And I sure hope that Goku, Gohan, and Goten-chan all kept their mouths shut around Chichi…_

***

                "Goten-_chan…?" muttered Takaya as he wiped his brow with a sweat towel._

                "What?" asked Ringo. He returned his racket and the ball to their rightful places in the equipment rack.

                "…Nothing."__

                "Anyway," said Ringo, "let's go check up on Bulma. My ESP tells me that they're done with their little talk."

                "You mean, you just saw Trunks wave to us from outside the window."

                "Er…that's what I said. Yeah."

***

                The halls were relatively deserted. They usually were; most people didn't randomly wander around the living quarters.

                Jamison, Commander of the Space Knights, was not representative of most people.

                He idly wandered down the hall, _Scientific American/__Playboy in hand, meditating on the day's events. Actually, not much had happened yet; it was only noon. Well, one thing had happened. Jamison's ears flushed when he recalled Tina's appearance in his favorite magazine and her subsequent proposition._

                _I still can't believe it… thought Jamison. Suddenly, he bumped into somebody, interrupting his thoughts._

                "Oops, sorry," apologized Jamison. "I was just preoccupied with my duties as a commander and—"

                He realized that he was right in front of Tina's room.

                And in front of him, on the floor, was Tina herself, brushing herself off and cutely blinking those cute eyes in a cute way. _She's so cute—_

                "Oh no, Commander, I'm the one that should be sorry. I wasn't quite looking where I was going," replied Tina. She paused and blushed a bit. "Well, actually, I was thinking, since I'm on break right now, and you don't seem to be too busy, can we…talk?"

                Jamison's brain froze. He quickly scrambled for an intelligent thing to say, and found the closest equivalent that he could manage for the time being. "Guh…what?"

                Tina smiled at him and gestured towards her room. "You know, instead of tonight…can we talk now?"

                Jamison tried to reply, but she was already leading him by the hand into the opened door of her room.

                _I hope I don't do something I'll regret… he thought shakily._

***

                "Okay," said Bulma. Everyone had gathered in Bulma's spacious living room. Aki sat on the couch next to Miyuki, with Takaya on his sick sister's other side. Shinya and Mac sat together on the loveseat. Bulma, Trunks, and Vegita sat on another couch, Trunks leaning back and generally looking cool, and Vegita doing the same with his arms crossed. Ringo chose to lean against the wall.

                "Now that you've agreed to my proposal," said Bulma, nodding her head at Miyuki, "I can cure Miyuki."

                Mac shifted from one thigh to the other, wishing that Bathroom #5L was closer than it actually was. Shinya discreetly shifted away from him.

                "Well, I'm pretty sure I can cure Miyuki, anyway," said Bulma. "I calculated that the probability of it working—"

                "I'm sorry, Bulma," cut in Takaya, "but we haven't got the time."

                "We only have fifty-one and a half hours left," added Miyuki.

                "Ken we please get ta the point, lass?" asked Mac. Vegita's eyebrow twitched. He shot a dark look at Mac.

                "…Yes, as I was saying," continued Bulma, "I can cure Miyuki. But first—"

                Everyone groaned loudly.

                "It's not that bad! I swear!" said Bulma.

                Shinya swore.

                "You just need to gather the seven dragonballs first," said Bulma. "They're in random locations around the world, but I'm sure you can find them all in fifty hours."

                "Goddamn…" muttered Takaya. "Okay, what do they look like?"

                "I'll show you," said Bulma. "Trunks, could you go down to Storage #5L and bring back the gray box there?"

                "Sure," said Trunks. He walked off.

                Mac was struggling to press his bottom together tighter. The mention of 5L, however, was too much—the pressure was too high. Luckily, it was silent as a black panther—unseen, unheard—but deadly.

                "Is something wrong, pale boy?" sneered Vegita. It wasn't as strong where he sat, but he could guess at the severity of Shinya's predicament.

                Shinya finally gave in to the merciful forces that pressured him to surrender his consciousness. He keeled forward and hit his head on the coffee table.

                "Safety," muttered Mac.

***

                "Lance," boomed Omega's powerful voice. "Report."

                Lance limped over to the video console near the entrance to the Parabolic Epoch Cabin. "Sir…I feel horrible. And I haven't even gotten close to learning the Ascendant Voltekker."

                "Look at it this way, Lance. It might have been worse."

                Lance was perplexed. "How? I was sodomized by four muscular ninjas for hours on end!"

                "Your oral orifice might have been invaded as well."

                "…"

                "Um…well, look at the bright side. At least they were faithful; it's not like they cheated on you."

                "Actually, I seem to recall—"

                "As I was saying," boomed Omega, "your trials are over. I will now bestow the Ascendant Voltekker upon you!"

                Suddenly, pink vines shot up out of the ground and encased Lance within. Lance's armor disintegrated as the vines formed a crystal-shaped bubble around his body. He screamed in exhilaration as his body was pumped with energy. He felt strong enough to defeat Saber! He felt alive! He felt powerful! He could finally kill Blade!

                "TEK-SETTA!!" he screamed, causing his brownish armor to reform itself over his body. The pink vines exploded, leaving him standing, pink fluids dribbling off of his mouth and chin and running down his legs. He generated his lance and turned in the direction of the four naughty ninjas.

                "Oniwa Banshu," he sneered with an evil glint in his eye, "It's payback time…"

                He opened the new Voltekker cells on his stomach and shoulders. They glowed with muddy-orange energy, illuminating Lance's armor, casting a fiendish light on his person.

                "MOERU!!" (Burn!!)

***

                "I'm just so glad that you saw my article!" gushed Tina. "Now you know what I'm capable of, right?"

                Jamison finally found his voice. "But…but, aren't you just fifteen?"

                Tina nodded. "Well, yeah, but age doesn't matter…it's skill that counts!"

                "I…I can't…" managed Jamison. "You're just a kid…"

                Tina pouted. "Don't say that! Just because I'm under eighteen, it doesn't mean that I don't know what I want! All the time, it's 'Tina, don't do this,' or 'Tina, you aren't ready for that!' I don't care, I just wanna do it!"

                Jamison's 'mini-me' finally gained precedence over his brain. He snapped and dived at her.

                "Whoa, wait, Commander," laughed Tina. "Even if you're that enthusiastic, please calm down just a bit."

                Jamison mentally slapped himself. _What am I doing? he thought. __At the very least, I should take this one step at a time. No, wait. I just cannot do this. I'm the Commander here…what if someone found out? Okay, it's decided…much as I'd like to have a go with her, I won't._

_                Jamison got off of her, then headed for the door. "I'm sorry, Tina, but I've reconsidered. I refuse your offer."_

                Jamison's rejection hit Tina like a load of bricks. "B, but…you know how much I want this! How much I need this! Please, Commander!"

                "No." He opened the door.

                "Please, it's just one signature! Just one! Please, I swear, I'll never ask for anything ever again!"

                Jamison froze. _A signature? What…?_

                "Ever since I won that science competition, they've asked me to go to the United Earth Allied Institute of Technology's summer course! I always wanted to go, but there was no one to replace me! Now, there's that new girl! She can take over for me! I'll only be away for a month! Please! This means a lot to me! I know it's very challenging, and it's intended for people eighteen and up, but I know I can handle it! And since you're technically my guardian, I can't use anyone else's signature to go!"

                With a flash, all became clear to Jamison. _The issue of Scientific American__! She thought I saw an article about her in Scientific American__, not Playboy__! They must have announced the contest winners in this issue, and she thought I saw her name in it, and…_

                Quickly, he grabbed the magazine off of his desk and thumbed through the appropriate part of it. He found the article and scanned through it. Sure enough, Tina's face smiled back at him from the pages of the magazine. She was the first place winner of the UEAIT Science Competition!

                _Well, that explains that… he said. __But wait…who was that in Playboy__?!_

                He flipped over to the centerfold of _Playboy and looked at it, painfully aware of 'mini-me' competing for his attention. __What? It says 'Tina Corman, cute winner of the UEAIT Science Competition' there at the bottom. Wait! There, at the neck…a line! I've been studying every bit of Tina since this morning, and she doesn't have a line there! Damn! This pic was Photoshopped! Goddamnit!_

_                "Please, sir!"_

                Jamison looked up at her and smiled. _Wow, was I a dumbass… thought Jamison. "Tina, I've decided to give you the signature."_

                Tina squealed in delight. "Thank you, sir! Thank you!" She jumped up and down around her room.

                "Right…um…I have to go now," said Jamison. "Report to the command room at 1300 hours." He walked out the door.

                _Whew… thought Jamison. __Another possible reason for arrest put to rest…_

                "Yay! I'm going to UEAIT! I'm going to UEAIT!" shouted Tina. She flopped down onto her bed. _Hmm…I felt so weird when the Commander jumped onto me…I think…I might like him…_

***

                "Okay, here's the box," said Trunks. He dropped a large box onto the floor.

                _That's odd… thought Miyuki. __He's back really quickly…but wow, he's soo dreamy!_

                Bulma pressed her palm against one side of the box.

                "Fingerprint and palmprint verification successful," droned the box. "Enter password."

                "What password?!" Bulma blurted. Everyone groaned.

                "Just kidding," droned the box. "Voice sample verification successful. Unlocking now."

                An audible click was heard, and Bulma reached into the box and pulled two objects out of the protective padding. One was a disc-shaped object, about the size of a palm, with what appeared to be a circular green screen on one side. A stopwatch-like button adorned the side of the disc. The other object was a perfectly round translucent orange sphere. It appeared to have four darker orange stars embedded somewhere inside its confines.

                "This," said Bulma, pointing to the sphere, "is a dragonball. You need to collect all seven of them to…um…help me to cure Miyuki. This," she said, pointing to the disc, "is a Dragon Radar. You can use it to find the other dragonballs. When you press the button, it'll cycle through its various modes."

                She pressed the button. "See, here, there's a '1' at the center of the screen. This shows that there's one dragonball at that spot. That would be the four-star one, here."

                "Wow, lass," said Mac, amazed by the Radar. "How does that work? Does it pick up some kinda signal emitted by these dragon's balls?"

                "Yes…" replied Bulma. "You could say that."

                "That sounds odd," said Aki. "How does that make any sense? What kind of unusual electromagnetic wave could these balls possibly be omitting that makes them so easy to distinguish from other signals? And if these waves are so rare, wouldn't they be gamma rays or something that would cause us extreme harm?"

                "No," said Bulma hastily. "Moving on, I'm entrusting these two babies to you three. Takaya, Shinya, Miyuki…don't break the Radar. It's a bitch to fix. And whatever you do, don't let the dragonballs fall into the wrong hands. They can cause insurmountable trouble if they do."

                "Right…" said Takaya. "I don't get how these Pyrex marbles are gonna help cure Miyuki, or how they can cause any trouble in the wrong hands, but…"

                "Just think about it," said Ringo. "Balls in the wrong hands at the wrong time has caused lots of trouble before!"

                "Yeah!" said Shinya. "Anyway, let's go search for the dragonballs!"

                "Thanks for everything, Bulma!" said Takaya. Everyone nodded and made similar statements.

                "And…bye, Trunks…" said Miyuki. "Seeya later."

                "Um…" said Trunks. "You, too. I guess."

                _And so, the quest begins… thought Bulma as everyone made their way back to the Blue Earth. __Damn, I wish Trunks were less gynephobic…_

------

**Next time on Tekkaman Z!**

The quest is on, and the gang is going for dragonball number two! Meanwhile, Trunks is going for Goten! Not to mention that Reiko is going for Melders, Melders is going for Galt, and Galt is going for Blade! But who's this new adversary?

Man in the shadows: "Ore wa…"

You don't to miss this special adventure, next time on Tekkaman Z!

-------------

End Chapter 6

-------------


	7. Space Ring Special

Author's Note: This story may contain elements and scenes from other fan-fictions written by different authors. If you feel that your rights are being violated, don't hesitate to contact me. Thank you. 

Of course, all of the Tekkaman/Dragonball characters/ideas that are not made up by me are property of their respective creators. I hope you enjoy this fiction. 

____________

**[TV-14 FVLN]**

**Last time on Tekkaman Z!**

Finally…Miyuki meets the famed purple-haired punk, Trunks! Will she like him enough to accept Bulma's proposal? 

Miyuki: _…He's soo dreamy!_

Takaya: "Nani…? I thought he had purple hair…" 

Meanwhile, General Galt continues to ignore Melders! Now that's news to me! 

Elsewhere, Jamison keeps his cool under fire of Tina's amorous affections! 

Jamison: _Ka…waii…_ "Guh…what?" 

But it seems that Jamison was mistaken! So that wasn't her in _Playboy_…Photoshop 192.0 has struck again! 

At about the same time, in his super-secret base on the far side of the moon, so secret that we not only know about it, but have full camera access to it, Omega finally pumps up Lance with power! 

Lance: "ASCENDANT VOLTEKKA!! MOERU!!" 

While Lance has fun frying the offensive Oniwa Banshu, someone appears to be doing the funky monkey with some black-haired guy! Could this mysterious 'Kisaragi' be…? 

In a different place, Ringo gives Takaya some man-to-man advice! 

And finally, Bulma reveals the quest to come—the gang must wield their courage, perseverance, the trusty Dragon Radar, and, of course, their Tekkaman lancers to collect all seven legendary dragonballs! When all seven come together, a huge…er…Bulma…will be able to cure Miyuki! 

Will the gang be able to complete their quest in time to considerately cure the ailing Miyuki? Who was that raven-haired guy? Irrelevant to the previous question, what was Shinya up to during the group split-up? Will Mac ever get a Big Mac? Or, more importantly, air freshener? A bit of this, and more, today on… 

**________________**

**-**[ **Tekkaman Z**] **-**

Episode 7: Space Ring Special 

By: Kajitani Eizan 

Setting: Day 2, about 12:30 PM, the Blue Earth. 

Miyuki Meter: 51 hours remaining. [========|========|========] 

Phatness Gauge Z: 123 **4**567 

Miyuki stared at her computer screen sadly. _I have so little time left…I hope my plan works. I can't let my friends down!_

The monster finally decided to wander right where she wanted it to wander, activating her trap and destroying the offending creature. "Yes!" she yelled, pumping her fist into the air. Congratulatory messages from her partners flashed across the screen. 

"Nice work," commented Ringo. "You only had three seconds left—I'm not sure if even I have such finesse." He finished shoving his candy bar into his mouth and chomped on it loudly. 

"Ooh," squealed Miyuki, "could I have one? Pleeeease?" 

"Sure!" smiled Ringo. "…If, that is, you let me have a turn." 

"Oh, all right…" pouted Miyuki. 

*** 

Omega mentally smirked as he retracted the pink vines from the beige Tekkaman. _Lance has odd tastes in pleasure..._

Lance lay on the ground, panting. He was still winded from the pleasurable activity that he was engaged in moments before. His bare chest heaved rhythmically; his heart beat quickly. Sweat and other liquids dribbled down his chin and face. 

A minute passed before either of the room's occupants spoke. "Considering it was your first time, that must have taken a lot out of you. How was it?" asked Omega. 

Lance offered his master a weak smile. "It was…excellent, sire." 

Omega chuckled. "You should have seen the look on your face right before it splattered all over you." 

"I'm surprised you managed to keep your eyes open for the best part," replied Lance. 

"I have much more control than you think, servant," retorted Omega. "That blinding flash did not deter me from observing their anguished cries." 

"Indeed," replied Lance, "if you were human, even if the light did not deter you, the torrent of crimson would have. No human can stand the sight of excessive blood." He wiped his hand against his face and examined it—it was covered with the crimson rain of the late Oniwa Banshu. Some of the healing fluid from Omega's pink vines also remained, but most had seeped into his flesh by now. In a short while, he would have enough energy to transform back into a Tekkaman. 

"But I am not human anymore," intoned Omega. "And neither are you…hahaha! Hahahahaha…cough…hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!" 

*** 

"Radam! Radam! Rock the Radam! Tekka Man Z! Radam! Radam! Rock the Radam! Come, get, me! Na-na-na—" 

"For the love of God, SHUT UP!" screamed Saber. He flashed a blue eye at Blade and launched himself at his twin brother. 

"I knew that would work," smirked Blade. He met Saber's assault head on by blocking with his own lance. The two strained to gain the upper hand in their power struggle, but to no avail. The two were equally matched. 

Suddenly, Blade fired his thrusters and flew straight upwards. "TEKNO-RANG!" he shouted with an echo, firing a projectile from his lance. 

"AARRRRGGHHH!" screamed Saber, holding his ears in pain. The pain was not caused by the projectile; he had dodged it with ease. 

"Hey, Shinya, do you know what time it is?" Blade mocked. 

"We already did this joke, dumbass." 

"Oh, yeah?" retorted Blade. "Well, then, eat some TEKNO-POWER-BLASTER!" Again, a mysterious echo found its way into his voice as Blade opened his shoulder cannons, revealing the Voltekker cells hidden inside. 

"Shut the front door!" yelled Saber. "VOL-TEKKA!" 

The green and blue crystal energy beams collided, cancelling each other out. 

"Guys, we have a problem!" called Aki through the communicator. "Come in before I have to spank you two naughty kids." 

"Hey," replied Saber, "I don't have a problem with that…when should—Ow! What was that for, Takaya?" 

*** 

"…and then Mom said that Miyuki has to marry me!" exclaimed Trunks. 

"What!" said Goten. "No way! That sucks!" 

"Yeah, tell me about it," said Trunks. "The only person I intend to marry is—" 

Goten silenced him by pressing his finger against his lips. He leaned forward, and the two started to close their eyes. The background temporarily became colorful and sparkly. "Trunks, I—" 

"Where the FUZZ are my keys?!" yelled Vegita. The two teens hastily broke apart and sat in their separate seats on the couch, Trunks wiping the drool off of his lips with his hand. Vegita entered the room moments later. 

"Trunks, did you see my keys anywhere?" asked Vegita. 

"Uh…no, dad," replied Trunks. Goten pretended to be interested in the television. 

Vegita stared at Goten, eyebrow raised. "Um…the TV isn't on." 

"Um…" stalled Goten. "That is…I was checking my hair. You know how unruly it can be! Haha! Right?" 

"Yeah! That's true!" supported Trunks. "It looks good unruly, though…cool, I mean." 

"Yeah, okay…" said Vegita, shaking his head. "Anyway, I'm heading out to buy some stuff. Maybe you two should train or something…you are pitifully weak compared to me. Bye." 

"Bye," called the two of them in unison. 

"Um…maybe we _should_ go train or something," said Goten with a sly smirk. 

*** 

"What's the problem, Commander?" queried Takaya. 

"D-boy, I'm going to have to ask a favor of you. You, too, Shinya," said Jamison over the communicator. Tina could be seen jumping in joy in the background. 

"…I hate that nickname," muttered Takaya. 

"…Anyway, it seems that a piece of the Space Ring has broken off and is falling towards Earth," explained Jamison. The large screen behind him showed a picture of the falling section. "If it collides, it will cause—" 

"What?!" exclaimed Shinya. "Again? That's the third time this week!" 

"Jesus Christ!" cried Takaya. "Couldn't they have built the damn thing a little stronger?" 

"…As I was saying," continued Jamison, "it will cause considerable damage if it collides. I would like you two to—" 

"To intercept the falling piece and destroy it, we know," said Takaya boredly. "We've heard it at least five times by now." 

"Be careful," warned Aki. "I wouldn't want you to…well…get hurt…" 

"Seriously?" joked Ringo. "No, but really, come back quickly—we need to gather those Dragonballs, remember?" 

"Of course," replied Shinya. 

"Maybe you'll get a hot date with a bugger," teased Miyuki. "Takaya says that red goo is very…comfortable." 

"They won't be able to resist my charms," replied Shinya. 

"Enough time wasted," interrupted Jamison. "Let's move it!" 

"Yes sir!" 

*** 

_Ahh…finally, I finished gathering these papers that Galt-sama wanted,_ sighed Lieutenant Melders. He rounded the corner and saw another lieutenant on his way to Galt's room. _Much as I hate to miss an opportunity to see Galt-sama, my duties come first; I might as well ask this guy to give him the papers._

"Excuse me," called Melders. 

The subject of Melders' beckon turned around. He started upon realizing the identity of his caller. 

"What can I do for you, Melders-kun?" asked the man. 

"Er…I don't believe we've met," replied Melders, bewildered. "You—" 

"M, my name is, is Izumi Bakin," he replied shyly. 

"…Right. Anyway, can you deliver these papers to Galt-sama, seeing as how you're already going in that direction?" 

"S…sure," Bakin replied, nervously taking the papers from Melders' hand. He tried to muster up the courage to say something. 

"Umm…" Melders started. "Would you please let go of my hand?" 

"H, hai!" yelped Bakin. 

As Melders turned to go, Bakin resolved to say it. _Bakin,_ he thought, _It's now or never._

"Melders-kun! Aishiteru!" 

*** 

"Here we are," said Saber. "Let's get to work." 

Suddenly, a horde of mutant buggers under the command of the Radam leader, Omega appeared out of nowhere. 

"Oh no!" shouted Blade. "A horde of mutant buggers under the command of the Radam leader, Omega! This sudden and unexpected twist might cause our complex plan to end in failure!" 

"Takaya, Shinya," called Ringo over the comm system. "You'll need to destroy the horde of mutant buggers under the command of the Radam leader, Omega, before you can blow up that chunk of Space Ring." 

"We know that, Ringo," retorted the Aiba twins in unison. 

"Ringo!" shouted Aki. "You've got to pilot this thing perfectly, or we won't get that exact same camera angle that we always do. You wouldn't want to actually make the animators work, now, would you?" 

"Why not?" replied Ringo, hands folded behind his head. "That's what they're getting paid for." 

Aki shot him a nasty look. 

"Okay, fine," muttered Ringo as he moved the Blue Earth into position, firing his lasers along the way. 

"Teknoman!" shouted Blade as he generated the two halves of his lance, joined them, twirled it over his head, and swiped downwards. 

"Takaya…" whispered Aki. 

"Good god, what a loser," muttered Saber. The twin brothers charged at the buggers. 

"Haaaghhh!" grunted Blade as he cut a bugger in half. 

"Raargh!" He cut along the surface of a bugger, then drilled into it, causing it to explode. 

"Hyaah!" He blacked the screen out, displayed green "sword cut" lines, then reappeared, only to reveal that the enemy was diced into four pieces. 

"I guess you want to go for a…spin!" he taunted as he picked up a bugger, spun it around on his lance, and threw it at another one, mysteriously causing both to blow up. 

"Let's see how 'sharp' you are!" he mocked as he split his lance in two, threw it at a bugger, and retrieved it with his crystal wire. 

"Please!" shouted Saber. "Shut up! Phoenix mode!" 

Saber was engulfed in red energy as he sped through numerous buggers, quickly destroying them. 

"Pegus!" shouted Blade. "Come here!" 

"Affirmative," it droned as it stopped firing on the buggers and moved closer to Blade. 

"Tekno-battle mode!" he shouted, again momentarily gaining an echo. His armor transformed a bit. He then jumped down on top of Pegasus and 'powered up' in a constipated Dragonball Z style, finally crouching down and crashing through buggers at set camera angles. 

"Goddamn, it takes you that frikkin long to change into Phoenix mode?" asked Saber, incredulous. "You're a little late…I cleaned up about ninety percent of them single-handedly." 

Suddenly, a dark shadow jumped out of the falling section of Space Ring and sped towards the two. 

"What?" asked Blade. "What's that?" 

"Looks like a Tekkaman to me…" replied Saber, as he tightened his grip on his lance. 

"Tekkaman Blade…Tekkaman Saber…Traitors," the mysterious new Tekkaman started. "You may have easily destroyed the horde of mutant buggers under the command of the Radam leader, Omega, but I will not be nearly so easy to defeat!" 

"You'll go down, I can assure you of that," remarked Blade. 

"And just as easily as that horde of mutant buggers under the command of the Radam leader, Omega," finished Saber. 

"We'll soon see about that, worthy opponents," he sneered. "Do me a favor and say hello to the NEXT DIMENSION!!" 

Suddenly, he rushed forward, oversized katana held horizontally parallel to his body. 

Blade only had time to manage, "What the—" 

"Takayaaaa!" shouted Saber. 

The rose slowly dropped from the sky, its fallen petals glistening with morning dew around its falling stem. Thus did Aiba Takaya, Tekkaman Blade, plummet to the ground, surrounded by the airborne mist of the blood of the horde of mutant buggers under the command of the Radam leader, Omega. 

*** 

Melders stared at Bakin, shocked. "Come again?" 

"Aishiteru, Melders-kun!" repeated Bakin desperately. 

"Lieutenant Izumi…did you just say…" started Melders. "…that you want to shit on me?" 

"No!" cried Bakin, moving closer to Melders. "Can't you see that I—" 

"Are you bothering my Melders-chan?!" yelled Reiko as she stormed across the hall and punched Bakin in the face, causing him to thud to the tiled floor. 

"Reiko! What the hell?" asked Melders. 

"C'mon, sugar, let's go grab some lunch," replied Reiko as she glomped onto Melders' arm and dragged him down the hall. 

*** 

"Takaya…TAKAYAAA!!" 

"You don't have to be so melodramatic; I only knocked him unconscious," said the Tekkaman. 

"Takaya…" Saber continued to sob. 

"Didn't you hear me? I said, I only knocked him unconscious!" 

"Takaya…why did you have to leave us so soon…?" sobbed Saber. "I'm so sorry for the trouble I've caused you and the Space Knights, not to mention the entire world…" 

"God damn it, are you listening to me?!" 

"I never got a chance to apologize…never got a chance to say goodbye…" Saber sniffed a few times. 

"Now you've got me feeling sad too!" sniffed the mysterious Tekkaman. "Shut up already!" 

"We'll never get a chance to have a fun day at the beach…just Miyuki, you, and me…having fun near that lighthouse we always loved…" Saber continued, lost in his reverie. 

"Okay, that's it!" yelled the Tekkaman. "I didn't want it to come to this, but…" 

The Tekkaman rushed forward. In a blink of an eye, he was on top of Saber, his katana held over his head. 

"Teaaar into pieces!" 

Saber plummeted down towards the ground, chunks of his armor trailing after him like the petals of the amaryllis trail after a falling star, beautiful, yet poisonous, white and— 

"Okay, I may like flowers, but this is getting ridiculous," growled Miyuki. "It's time…" 

"To duel?" asked Ringo, pulling out his 'Duel Monsters' card game deck. 

"To say goodbye?" asked Aki, checking her watch. 

"To go, Big O?" asked Mac, shifting from leg to leg. A big 'O' different from the one referred to lost control of the situation yet again, causing the Space Knights to grimace and pinch their noses. 

"No," replied Miyuki. "It's time for some girl power! TEK-SETTA!" 

"NOT HERE—" 

*** 

"Okay, now see where it's kinda pink?" asked Goten. 

"Yeah," replied Trunks. 

"Probe around there until you find the right spot." 

"Sure." 

"Yeah…I think that's it," sighed Goten. 

"Should I apply a bit of pressure?" 

"Yes…gently now. Don't be too rough." 

"Okay, I'm pushing…it seems to be going in," reported Trunks. 

"Good…ah yes, I think you did it correctly." 

"Um…should it be bleeding like this? I think that's a little odd…" 

"No, no, it's quite normal," replied Goten. 

"The excitement is building…I can't wait!" 

"Be patient, Trunks-chan. Don't move it around too much. Just leave it in there until it adjusts." 

"Okay, okay." 

The two waited for another fifteen seconds. 

"Okay," said Trunks, "I think that's enough time." 

"Right, now pull it out." 

Trunks did so and raised his eyebrow. "There's a lot of liquid and stuff all over it." 

"That doesn't matter; give it to me and I'll lick all of it off," replied Goten. 

"How does it taste?" 

"…Not bad." 

"Hey, you two!" yelled Vegita. "Hurry it up! Some of us want to actually finish before it gets dark!" 

"Relax, Vegita," replied Goku, who was drooling at the mouth. "Be patient." 

"Almost done, Dad!" yelled Trunks. "So what's up with it?" 

"It reads 180 degrees Fahrenheit. Perfect! They're done!" 

"All right! Hey everybody, the hamburgers are done!" 

"Yay!" shouted Gohan and Videl. 

*** 

"Perverts…" muttered Aki. Ringo and Mac both sported nosebleeds and bumps on their heads, the latter of which was courtesy of Aki's fist. 

"We're not perverts! We were just caught off guard!" protested Ringo. 

"Yeah, lass, that girl Miyuki has a great—yow, what was that for?" 

"Dumbass…" muttered Ringo as he watched Mac nurse a new head injury. 

"That's it, you Radam freak!" shouted Rapier, glaring at the mysterious Tekkaman. The two were glaring at each other from a safe distance away from the Blue Earth. "I'm gonna take you down for my brothers!" 

"This is not a fair and honorable battle," replied the Tekkaman. "I must even the odds to make it a fair and honorable battle." 

"Huh? What are you talking about?" 

"I will teach you my ultimate sword technique by imprinting it upon your mind via the ever-convenient mental Tekkaman network," replied the Tekkaman. "I call the technique—" 

"Wait," said Rapier, sensing some sort of trick. "Why would you—" 

"No time," interrupted the Tekkaman. Suddenly, Rapier's brain was filled with the knowledge of the ultimate technique of the mysterious Tekkaman. 

"Wow…" said Rapier. "…But do I really have to shout 'Teaaar into pieces' every single time I use the attack?" 

"Yes, of course, stupid pupil. Doesn't it sound cool?" 

"No, actually, I think—" 

"Well, too bad, because it damn well won't work unless you say it. Now, it's time to—" 

"Duel?" 

"Say goodbye?" 

"Go, Big O?" 

"No, you fools!" yelled the Tekkaman. "It's time to fight!" 

"Isn't that the same thing as dueling?" asked Ringo. 

"…Shut up! Now, Rapier, come, attack with the technique!" 

"…Doesn't that set me up in some sort of trap?" asked Rapier, suspicious. "I mean, you, the enemy, know what I am about to do next. What are your motives?" 

"I need to you to free me from these Radam fetters! That's why I do this!" cried the Tekkaman. "I must die by the sword!" 

"Then why don't you just kill yourself?" queried Rapier. 

"Because…um…never mind that! Now, Rapier! Kill me now!" 

"Fine!" shouted Rapier as she rushed at the Tekkaman. 

"Teaaar into pieces!" chorused the two Tekkamen. Suddenly, all the colors changed to a shade of dark blue as the two entered Slow-Motion Kenshin Analysis Mode (TM). 

_She is going to attack with a stab,_ thought the Tekkaman. _This means that I cannot block horizontally or vertically. The way that she is stabbing…_

_…Is reminiscent of the_ fushukumi no chin_ style!_ thought Ringo. _There is no way that that Tekkaman can block it…unless…_

_…I attack with all my strength in a sideswipe motion!_ thought the Tekkaman. 

_Um…do you all have ESP or something?_ asked Rapier. 

_The point is,_ thought Aki, _the outcome of this battle will be determined by…_

_ Speed alone!_ finished Ringo. 

Rapier leaned into her thrust, extending her blue energy-coated blade even further. The Tekkaman, seeing this, leaned over to his right and held his blue energy-coated sword vertically against her rapier. He extended his right elbow, and… 

Rapier grunted as the wind was knocked out of her stomach, cancelling the ultimate technique. She let go of her rapier, which sailed out straight ahead of her. 

"It seems I have won," said the Tekkaman. "Damn it." 

_That's the last time I depend on Space Knights for analyzing a swordfight…_ thought Miyuki. 

*** 

"Hey, the Commander left his magazine here," noted Tina. "I had better go return it to him." 

She looked at the magazine some more. "Hmm… I haven't read any issues of Scientific American lately. I might as well…" 

*** 

"No…Miyuki…" said Ringo. 

"I can't believe she lost…" said Aki. "She might be deathly sick, but she's no weakling." 

Under her faceplate, Miyuki smirked. She pulled her arm back slightly. 

"What?!" cried the Tekkaman as Rapier's razor-sharp rapier embedded itself into his back. Under his faceplate, he coughed up some blood. 

"What you didn't see was the crystal wire connected to my rapier," gloated Miyuki. "Letting my weapon get behind you was a terrible mistake; all I had to do was pull it back towards me, and presto!" 

"Ugh…it seems like you have beaten me," said the Tekkaman. "Good…now, use your Voltekker!" 

"What?" replied the pink-plated pugilist. "I can't just blatantly murder a badly wounded opponent! Takaya and especially Shinya would never approve! …Ah, who am I kidding?" She charged her Voltekker cells. 

"Goodbye, Tekkaman Rapier, and thank you," said the Tekkaman. 

The Tekkaman sailed backwards and exploded in brilliance, conveniently taking out the falling piece of the Space Ring with him. 

"Yay!" said Rapier.  
*** 

General Galt smirked as he sat down at a table with his 'Zesty Sausage and Spicy Pepper Bun Wrap'. It was basically a hot dog with peppers on it at triple the cost. Of course, with his salary, cost wasn't an issue. He picked it up with both hands and brought it to his mouth to devour the tasty treat. 

"Melders?" asked Reiko. "Melders! Earth to Melders!" 

It was of no use; Melders could not stop staring at Galt, who was unsuspectingly eating his meal. _Galt-sama…that bun fits in your mouth…like a glove fits a hand!_

Galt slipped off into daydream land as he ate his meal. "_Blade,"_ he fantasized._ "Are you functioning properly?"_

_"Affirmative," replied the stoic young man. "But lately, I noticed an odd sort of feeling down here," he continued, gesturing._

_"Is that so?" asked Galt. "I should perform a maintenance check…why, yes, there is a problem here. Let me fix it for you. Afterwards, you can help me out, too—I have a similar problem."_

"Um…" said Reiko. "Isn't the General…er…shouldn't he be eating that?" 

"He must just be hydrating it a bit; these cafeteria foods can be rather dry," mumbled Melders. 

"Jeez…he looks a bit too happy," muttered Reiko.

Melders was too busy mouth-massaging his own Zesty Sausage and Spicy Pepper Bun Wrap to pay any attention to Reiko. Saliva gathered on the tip of the Bun Wrap and dripped down into his plate. 

_"Tekkaman Blade…" moaned Galt. "You belong to me, and you will always belong to me. Hahahaha! Nngh!"_

_"Yes, sir, I am your devoted servant!" reaffirmed Blade._

"What the hell is wrong with everyone today?" asked Reiko. _Oh well…I might as well start on my own Bun Wrap…_

*** 

In the aftermath of the battle, Rapier helped Blade to fly back to the Blue Earth. Saber, denying that he needed assistance, made the upwards journey by himself. The scent of victory still hung in the air—it is rather difficult to get rid of the stench of a deceased horde of mutant buggers under the command of the Radam leader, Omega. 

"That was some show, there, Miyuki," complimented Blade. 

"You got that right, lad!" cried Mac, who then cried in pain, thanks to Aki's forceful fist. 

"It was nothing, oniichan," replied Rapier. "I had to save you two!" 

"I'm flattered," joked Saber. "…! Wow, I just had the greatest idea for my Outlaw Star fanfic—" 

Suddenly, a speeding object smashed into Saber, sending him crashing back down to the ground below. Blade and Rapier winced at his plight. 

"Hey, guys!" shouted Aki. "The Dragon Radar is signaling that there's a dragonball in the area! As a matter of fact, it's almost right below us!" 

Saber staggered back to his feet. "I noticed. A little help here?" 

Blade and Rapier looked at each other. "Heheh…VOL-TEKKA!" 

*** 

Unbeknownst to Melders, a figure gazed at him with desire and at his companion with jealousy. 

"This Bun Wrap tastes pretty good," commented Bakin. "But I bet Melders is even better." He accentuated his last sentence with a long lick along the side of the Wrap. 

_"Oh, Blade!" moaned Galt._

_"Oh, Master, I love being your slave!" cried Blade._

"Okay, this whole situation is very disturbing," said the pilot of Diamond Fighter. He sipped his drink, his arm around the girl sitting next to him. 

"Yeah…" murmured the girl. She was staring in direction of Melders' table, absently chewing on the end of her Bun Wrap. 

"Not you, too!" he yelled, attracting the attention of Lieutenant Izumi. 

_Whoa…_ Bakin thought. _That chick is almost as hot as Melders-kun…_

*** 

"I'm surprised that Galt didn't fire some overpowered missile to stop that section," commented Takaya. "Mmm…these Pepperoni Pizza Bun Wraps are good." 

"Very good," agreed Aki. "Of course, considering that Ringo made them." 

"I have more culinary prowess than an enormous European enchilada with extra egg!" boasted Ringo. 

"And, of course, we have obtained another dragonball," noted Miyuki. "Only five more to go." She picked up her fifth Bun Wrap; after firing two Voltekker blasts, she needed as much energy as she could get. 

"The dragonball had been inside the Space Ring section all along," Maggie conjectured, "and had been revealed only when the section was destroyed. This also shows that the dragonballs are either indestructible to very close to it." The new dragonball had seven dark orange stars embedded inside of it. 

"Wow, Ringo, your Wraps are really amazing!" complimented Shinya. He still had a bump on his head where the dragonball hit him, and he had minor burns from barely-dodged twin Voltekker blasts, but he was otherwise okay. 

"Not everyone is this talented at cooking, you know," replied Ringo. "I just have skills that you don't." 

"Oh, my, Ringo, you're so modest," retorted Shinya. 

"But yes, these Wraps are good…they're about as good as mine," said Maggie. 

_Maybe I should tell them that all I did was reheat Maggie's,_ Ringo thought. _Nah._

____________________ 

**Next time on Tekkaman Z!**

The quest for dragonball number three is on, and Lance isn't going to sit this episode out! Meanwhile, the love dodecahedron develops more within the Allied Military Headquarters! Will the relationship between Aki and Takaya be smoothed out? Who was that black-haired guy? Not much of this, and more, next time on Tekkaman Z! 

___________ 

End Chapter 7 


	8. Legend of the Ascendant Radam

Author's Note: 

This story may contain elements and scenes from other fan-fictions written by different authors. If you feel that your rights are being violated, don't hesitate to contact me. Thank you. 

Of course, all of the Tekkaman/Dragonball/other characters/ideas that are not made up by me are property of their respective creators. I hope you enjoy this fiction. 

CAUTION: This story is not for the weak. Some of the situations may not feel amusing or appropriate to you. If this is the case, please stop reading the story, or skip to the next appropriate section. The '14 and up' rating means literally, 'not suitable for those under 14', unlike the lame rating system used for movies and TV programs, which means, 'okay for 10 and up'. 

____________  
**[TV-14 FVLN]**

**Last time on Tekkaman Z!**

Lance has some fun while Omega looks on!

Omega: "You should have seen the look on your face right before it splattered all over you..."

Meanwhile, Blade and Saber are honing their fighting skills outside the Blue Earth when suddenly, the unthinkable happens! A section of the Orbital Space Ring has come loose and is falling towards the planet Earth! What a tragic, unexpected turn of events!

Shinya: "What?! Again? That's the third time this week!"

Meanwhile, Trunks and Goten are about to engage in some hot yaoi action! Unfortunately—for them, at least—Vegita inconveniently intrudes on them! Way to advance the plot!

In another place, Lieutenant Melders delegates to Lieutenant Izumi the task of delivering papers to the bald head of the Earth Allied Military, General Galt! But it seems that delivering those papers is the last thing on this lieutenant's mind!

Bakin: "Melders-kun! Aishiteru!"

Thanks to Melders' lack of knowledge of Japanese and to Akamatsu Reiko's furious fist, Bakin's secret is still unknown...will it stay that way for long?

Back to the actual plot (or lack thereof), Blade and Saber are making short work of Omega's buggers when who else but an enemy Tekkaman appears! And, boy, does he make short work of Blade! But it's not Lance...it's not Sword...it sure isn't Omega...actually, his name is—

Claude C. Kenni: "Teeeeeear into pieces!"

Well, his name might not be Claude, hero extraordinaire of Star Ocean: The Second Story, but with that mighty, fear-inspiring battle-cry, he makes short work of the chivalrous champion of Earth, Tekkaman Saber! Things aren't looking good for the heroes when our dainty damsel in distress steps in to save the day!

Back to more important matters, the Z Fighters have a barbecue!

Back to the battle, Rapier is no match for the Tekkaman, but she just might have a chance when he teaches her his ultimate sword technique, called—

Rapier: "Teeeeeear into pieces!"

Right. Luckily, Rapier has a backup plan to make short work of the Tekkaman and destroy the falling piece of the Space Ring at the same time! And what do you know—the prize for defeating the Tekkaman is the seven-star dragonball! What a creative, uncontrived sequence of events!

Who is this new girl with the pilot of Diamond fighter? Will this 'last time' ever end? Will there be a commerical break right after it? And if so, will it be long enough to go make some of Shinjo's Super Spicy Shrimp Surprise Sandwiches? On a less serious note, will Miyuki's life be saved, or will she be mercilessly ripped apart from the inside? The plot may advance, right here, right now, today, on...

________________  
-[ **Tekkaman Z**]- 

Episode 8: Legend of the Ascendant Radam

By: Kajitani Eizan

Setting: Day 2, about 3:00 PM, Capsule Corporation. 

Miyuki Meter: 48.563 hours remaining. [========|========|========]

Phatness Gauge Z: 1234567

"Hey!" yelped Goten as Trunks rammed him. "That's not nice!" 

Trunks laughed as he continued to pound Goten. Goten couldn't help but grunt in response to Trunks' experienced hands. Soon, he was screaming in agony.

"Trunks-chan, you're hurting me!" yelled Goten. He could feel that his (deleted) was burning with pain. It felt like his whole body was on fire. He could feel his (deleted) expanding. "AAAAAGGGGHHHH—"

Suddenly, Vegita barged into the room. "What the hell is all this racket—?!"

A long moment passed as none of the three spoke, Vegita staring at the two in shock, Trunks and Goten averting their eyes from Vegita's in shame.

"Help me God..." managed Vegita. "What the FUCK are you two doing?!"

"We...we were just trying..." mumbled Trunks.

"SPEAK UP, BOY!"

"I, I'm sorry, sir! We were just trying to reach the level of Ascendant Saiyan!" yelped Goten. His yellow battle aura accentuated the absurdly large muscles that he gained from reaching the said level.

"You IDIOTS! Ascendant Saiyan is the most worthless piece of crap possible! Look at you, Goten...you're soaked with blood from the beating you got, and what do you have to prove for it? Nothing! You can expand your muscles and move at the speed of that fat bastard of a Scot in the yellow jacket! Big fucking deal!"

Vegita left the room, disgusted. _Hmm...I'm bored...should I go help those Space Knights out? Nah..._

"Whew..." sighed a tired Goten. "At least he only caught us _training_..."

*** 

"Hmm...the Dragon Radar states that a dragonball is over in that direction," said Takaya. "Score one for my dear little sister!" He wrapped his left arm around the petite girl next to him, hugging her tightly. 

Aki stiffened and got up to walk out the door.

"Good one, Taco," said Miyuki. "I'm on your right."

"That was smooth," commented Shinya as he discreetly swiped one of Ringo's many candy bars.

"Yeah, about as smooth as walnuts in your Cheerios," chimed in Ringo.

"Damn..." said Takaya. "She's still pissed off at me. But she's the one that was cheating on me for some bastard."

Shinya, Ringo, Mac, and Commander Jamison sneezed in unison. Takaya raised an eyebrow.

"Um...allergies," muttered Shinya. "Damn fat Scots in yellow jackets."

"Watch it, lad!"

*** 

"Oh, shit," groaned Lance. He had been flying for a couple of hours to reach Earth, and, of course, right in the middle of the time-consuming trip, nature called. The reentry into Earth's atmosphere was not pleasant, and right when he thought he was home free... 

"SHIT! This is Alpha Gamma Bravo squad...it's an enemy Tekkaman!" Lance had heard over his comm. He turned to face the unit of fighter jets.

_ Please, God, not now!_ groaned Lance as he desperately tried to contain his intestinal pressure. He squeezed his cheeks together tighter, but to no avail—any moment now, his armor would be stained—

"Attack, men! Even if we must sacrifice ourselves, we must defend the planet!" shouted the leader. The squad began firing on Lance, some shots missing and crashing into nearby mountains, causing huge boulders to tumble down rocky slopes into large, placid lakes—

"AAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!" shouted Lance as he fired his thrusters full force to propel himself towards the nearest city.

_ Almost there!_ he thought. _That seedy looking shop will do..._

Citizens of the city screamed and ran away in a terrified mob, leaving the entrance to the shop unblocked. Lance crashed through the window of the shop and detransformed, rolling to avoid shards of flying glass.

"Sorry-but-I-need-to-use-your-bathroom!" he yelled to the store owner. He kicked open the bathroom door and tossed the man on the toilet across the shop.

_Lance, you have failed to destroy Earth's defense forces!_ was the last thing that Lance heard before promptly passing out from the agreeable aroma that effluencely emanated from his porcelain perch.

*** 

"Hmm...the Dragon Radar seems to be pointing us towards that city..." observed Takaya. 

"Guys!" shouted Aki as she ran back into the room. "Look at what's on the news!" She turned the vidscreen on.

"News Flash!" shouted the news anchor. The words 'Radam Tekkaman Burglarizes Porn Shop' scrolled across the bottom of the screen. "Just now, an enemy Tekkaman identified as 'Lance' was sighted near Angel Grove City by patrolling fighter jets! He crashed through the window of the nearest pornography retailer! Boy, he must have been desperate!"

"The Dragon Radar is pointing to that same city!" noted Takaya. "What an unexpected coincidence!"

"I wonder if they have the latest issue of _Preteen Boys_," muttered Mac. "I mean, of _Playboy_! Yes! I swear I am not turned on by that kind of stuff!" Everyone gave him an odd look.

"More shocking yet totally unrelated news!" announced the news anchor. "The store owner noted that around the same time, a crazy, naked madman streaked through his shop and ran to the bathroom. He is highly dangerous, not to mention highly naked."

"He was strong as an ox, and twice as buff!" shouted the bald old man onscreen, adjusting his red-rimmed sunglasses. "I was happily sitting on the toilet, reading a magazine, when this guy kicks down the door and flings me across the room! No one has any respect for little old men these days!"

"Maybe the naked guy is Lance...?" conjectured Shinya.

"What are you talking about?" asked Ringo. "Of course not. I think you have a passion fruit loose."

"Anyway," said Takaya, "we have to go find that dragonball. Surely its location will have no connection to this latest report on the news."

"TEK-SETTA!" chorused the Aiba twins.

Once again, the power of the emerald crystal endows Slade with impenetrable armor...quantum energy weapons...and superhuman powers...transforming him into the hero known as...TEKNOMAN!

"Um..." started Miyuki. "Why do you always say that while he tek-sets, Jamison-san?"

*** 

_Not again!_ grimaced Galt. _Now I'll have to toss these pants into the laundry as well. Why does that Tekkaman have to be so perfect? But a more immediate problem is, how do I get out of here without anyone noticing?_

"Well, the General seems to have snapped out of his daydream," noted Reiko. She finished her Bun Wrap and started into her angel food cake.

"True," replied Melders, who finally decided to actually start eating his Bun Wrap.

_ I got it!_ thought Galt. _They don't call me a brilliant strategist for nothing! I'll just spill some soda onto the stain to mask it._

He waited until somebody sat down at an adjacent table with a drink, then quickly got up and immediately stumbled over to the table. He 'accidentally' knocked over the person's drink and caused it to spill onto the affected area of his pants, effectively masking the stain.

"Oh no!" cried the beverage's owner. "My coffee!"

*** 

"A dragonball, you say?" asked the police officer. "Well, I think I saw something like what you're describing around that old man's neck when he walked into the shop. I was...patrolling the area. Yes." 

"Hey, thanks," said Blade.

"Anything to help our savior," replied the officer.

"Hey, old fart," called Saber. "I want to talk to you!"

"Who are you calling an old fart?!" yelled the old man. "I am the great Kamesennin Mutenroshi, master of—"

"Yeah, yeah..." said Saber. "Have you seen a dragonball lately?"

"Well..." replied Kamesennin. "I would normally refuse to give it to anyone, but seeing as how you're Earth's only saviors..."

"So can we please have it?" asked Blade.

"Sure! But first—"

Blade and Saber groaned.

"...Well, I was going to ask you to go on a ridiculous fetch quest, then ask for a chance to 'admire' your girlfriend, or sister, or something, but seeing as how you're in a hurry, I'll just give it to you. Here." With that, Kamesennin reached under the neck of his shirt to pull out...

"What?! It's not here!" he exclaimed.

Blade and Saber groaned.

"I don't get it...how..." he pondered. "...?! Damn, I must have lost it when that crazy naked guy tossed me off the toilet in that por—um, nice little store yonder!"

"I knew that our search would bring us to that store," said Blade.

"Sure you did," snorted Saber. "Great. Now we'll have to go fight Lance."

"What are you talking about?" asked Blade. "We just need to confront a naked madman."

"Dense as high-density floppy disks..." muttered Saber.

*** 

"Lieutenant," said Reiko. "There's no point for us to stay here." 

"But...I can't just leave Galt-sama alone here..." protested Melders. The two were waiting outside the emergency room section of the medical wing.

"Don't worry, he has plenty of nurses and doctors to take care of him," said Reiko.

"I guess..." said Melders. He got up to leave. "By the way, Reiko, I would like to say..._aishiteru_."

Reiko's face flushed red. "I..." she whispered.

"It's some Japanese I picked up from Lieutenant Izumi. It means 'how's it going' or something, right?"

_Damn..._ thought Reiko. _And I actually thought..._ "Uh...a, actually, it, it means...'I love you'."

Melders almost lost his balance. "WHAT?!"

*** 

Lance opened his eyes. The sight that met him was not a pretty one. A grungy sink stood a few feet from his position, and a wet, almost empty roll of toilet paper lay in its receptacle to his immediate right. 

A knock on the door.

_Now I remember..._

"Lance!" shouted a voice on the other side of the door. "I know you're in there!"

_What?_ thought Lance. _That sounds like...!_

"Tekkaman Saber!" boomed Lance. "How dare you turn traitor! Why did you turn away your true Radam family to join the filthy humans?"

"My true family is Takaya and Miyuki," retorted Saber. "You Radam are the ones who brainwashed me and took my family away from me!"

"The rest of your family is gone because they were too weak to handle the power of the Tekkaman!" said Lance. "We are more humane than you humans; we at least put our weak out of their misery, feed the hungry, shelter the battered..."

"Not only did that make no sense," replied Saber, "it was also completely irrelevant to our discussion. Now, are you going to come out here, or will I have to come in there?"

"Hahahaha..." laughed Lance. "What you don't realize is that that whole argument was an elaborate ploy!"

"What...?" whispered Saber, his eyes widening.

"In the time that you have been idly standing by, engaging in a meaningless discussion, I have been..."

"SHIT!" shouted Saber. "You...you've become an Ascendant Tekkaman!"

"That's right! And now...I have finished wiping my ass!"

Lance flushed the toilet, washed his hands with soap and running water, and whipped out his tek-set.

"Now face my awesome destructive power! Ascendant Tek-Setta!"

"You!" Blade shouted to the shopkeeper and the nearby police. "RUN!"

*** 

General Galt lay on his bed, exhausted from the day's ordeal. He had suffered minor burns, but they would heal quickly. 

_I guess that I can't think about Blade for a few hours..._ thought Galt. _Darn._

A nurse walked into the room. "General, how are you feeling?" she asked.

"Fine," he replied. Suddenly, he stiffened as he felt a hand explore where it should not have been.

"Let's get to...know each other..." she whispered.

Galt grabbed her hand and pushed it away, glaring at her with steely eyes. The nurse backed away, surprised.

"Sorry," growled Galt, "but I don't swing that way."

"Good afternoon, then," managed the nurse before backing out of the room.

_Stupid nurses..._ thought Galt.

*** 

Saber dived as the bathroom door burst off of its hinges and flew across the room. He stared up at the tall figure standing in the midst of the dust cloud, the Ascendant Tekkaman Lance. 

"Oh, and by the way," chuckled Lance. "I have a little secret weapon built into my Ascendant armor. Do you recognize this crystal?"

"Oh no..." whispered Blade. "That crystal...is what prevented me from tek-setting when Gunnar set us up on the Space Ring!"

"That's right!" boomed Lance. "Neither of you can tek-set now, and you're up against an Ascendant Tekkaman! It's impossible to win! You will either rejoin the Radam or die!"

"No..." whispered Blade. "Not again...I don't want to lose my crystal again..."

"Except we're already in our Tekkaman forms," said Saber.

"Hahaha, I told you, you are helpless before...?!" started Lance. "What?!"

"That makes your secret weapon kinda useless, now, doesn't it?" gloated Saber. "Alright, Takaya, we'll take him together...you go in slowly and I..."

"I'm taking him now!" shouted Blade, running forward.

"No, Takaya, no!" shouted Saber, but it was already too late. "NO!"

Pink jets of goo streamed forth from Lance's outstretched hand, crashing into Blade and tossing him across the room. He lay, spasming, trying to free himself from the sticky stuff, but to no avail.

"As you see, my Radam powers are far beyond yours," Lance gloated to Saber. "Now...back down."

Lance fired his jets at Saber, who twirled his lance and deflected the pink, gelatinous goo.

"I don't think so," returned Saber.

_Man, this dialogue is so shitty..._ thought Omega.

*** 

"Ohhh...yes...yes...yes!" 

"How does that feel?" purred the brown-haired girl. "Good?"

"Yes! YES! Ohhhh! I'm, I'm...!"

The brown-haired girl continued her actions as her lover continued to moan. Finally, the little red go-cart reached the bottom of the proverbial hill, accelerating at 9.80 m/s/s, assuming of course that air resistance and friction—

"I love you, Kisaragi-san," whispered the brown-haired girl into her lover's ear.

"Me...too..." she replied, breathing heavily. "I...just...hope...he doesn't...find out..."

"Just think about the present for now," murmured the brown-haired girl as she deepened her embrace.

*** 

Saber cursed under his breath. The battle was not boding well for him. Lance's Ascendant powers were just too much for him alone; each of his swipes and punches knocked him backwards from their sheer force. His armor was cracked and chipped in a few places. He barely dodged another powerful swipe from Lance and countered with his own thrust, only to have it blocked, causing his arm to fly to the side from the transferred momentum. Saber gasped, realizing that he was wide open to attack. 

"Now it is time for what you have dreaded and for what I have been expecting all this time," gloated Lance. "It is the time to die!"

Saber squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to watch Lance's lance penetrating his abdomen.

Suddenly, a blue bolt came out of nowhere, knocking Lance's lance to one side.

"What the hell kind of dialogue is that?" asked an incredulous Ringo. "It's almost like chicken francaise minus the soy sauce!"

"Soltekkaman..." growled Lance.

"Man, am I glad to see you," said Saber. He landed next to Ringo.

"Do I always have to be here to save your apple pies?" joked Ringo.

"Hahahaha...our whole little battle here has been an elaborate ploy!" chuckled Lance.

"What, you spent this time picking your nose with your tongue, thereby increasing your airflow and thus your overall battle effectiveness?" queried Saber.

"No, much worse," replied Lance. "I have been charging up...the Ascendant Voltekker!"

"Oh SHIT!" yelled Saber. He opened up his Voltekker cells and charged them as quickly as he could—

"FOOL!" boomed Lance. He raised his arm and fired his jets.

Saber tried to move, but he was too late. The pink goo stuck to Ringo and himself, trapping the two and blocking Saber's Voltekker cells.

"Hahahaha...without your precious Sai-Voltekker, how will you defend yourself against my Ascendant Voltekker?" gloated Lance.

"Like this!" shouted Miyuki. She burst into the shop.

"You shouldn't be in a seedy place like this!" burst out Saber and Lance.

"Jeez, I'm old enough now! And I'm going to stop you, Lance!" yelled Miyuki. "Tek-setta!"

"Miyuki, no!"

A pink glow surrounded Miyuki as her began her transformation. Suddenly, her crystal field changed. Needles emerged from the edges of the field and stabbed Miyuki, causing her to scream out in pain.

"It's too bad that my Ascendant armor comes packed with these transformation-preventing crystals," smirked Lance. "Maybe I would have had fun beating you to a pulp." He walked over to Miyuki and smacked her in the stomach, sending her flying to the same corner that Blade lay in.

"Aww, how sweet," purred Lance. "I should destroy you two next. You'll all die as one big, happy family."

"Hey, listen here, you limburger," said Ringo. "I'm not related to these three; can't you spare me at least?"

"Ringo, you bastard!" yelled Saber.

"Hmm...good point..." mused Lance. "I think you're right. But still, I think I'll kill you anyway. So, this is goodbye! ASCENDANT VOL-TEKKA!"

***

Son Goku peered into the seedy-looking shop as he passed by. 

"Man," he said, shaking his head, "crazy kids with their costumes these days..."

He squinted a bit more, examining the armored forms in the doorway and the approaching yellow energy beam.

"Well, I'd better finish my shopping," he said, continuing on his way.

***

Trunks couldn't help but stare at Goten's hand. It was currently moving forward and back, forward and back, pumping the rounded rod with a rhythmic sound. Occasionally, his hand would slip because of the moisture on the rod. His other hand firmly grasped the protrusion under the rod, one finger resting on it in a gentle, almost caressing manner. 

_I can't...hold myself back...any longer..._ thought Trunks.

Goten cried out as the spray hit his face, an unending stream of wetness.

"Trunks!" yelled Goten.

Trunks grinned as he continued to spray Goten in the face, then yelped as Goten's own spray connected with his own face. "Ow, that hurts!"

"That's because I pumped it like two hundred times," replied Goten. "Man, this Super Soaker 5000XP kicks ass!"

"Stupid kids, playing with water guns," Vegita muttered. "Why the hell don't they get off their asses and train? Maybe I should send them out to investigate this 'alien invasion' thing I've been hearing about...Nah."

***

"Oh no, we're French toast!" cried out Ringo, seeing the Ascendant Voltekker bolt approach with alarming rapidity. 

"Vol-tekka!"

Suddenly, a green Voltekker bolt collided with Lance's yellow one, deflecting it upwards, causing it to barely miss Saber's head.

"What?!" shouted Lance.

"You didn't think I was _that_ stupid, did you?" chuckled Miyuki. "I was eavesdropping on your earlier conversation; I knew that you had those special crystals. My true purpose was to get in here and free Takaya without you noticing." She held up the laser cutter she had in her hand and revealed the body armor that she was wearing under her ripped shirt.

"All I had to do is Voltekker your bolt into space. And now that Shinya and I are free," said Takaya, gesturing to where Miyuki was freeing Saber and Ringo, "we can take you down."

"Well then, let's have a Voltekker battle, right here, right now," replied Lance. "You two are going up in smoke!"

"Let's do it to it!" yelled Blade.

"I'll be in the Blue Earth, seeing as how you two don't need my help," said Ringo. "See ya!"

The Aiba brothers stood side by side, facing Lance together. All three Tekkamen charged up their Voltekker cells.

"ASCENDANT—"

"Hey, Lance!" yelled Miyuki. "Your shoe is untied!"

"Sure it is," replied Lance. "That asinine attempt at distraction doesn't make sense for multiple reasons. First, being in Tekkaman armor, I'm not wearing shoes. Second—"

"VOL-TEKKA!" shouted Blade and Saber.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..."

The three Aiba siblings watched as Lance sailed off into low earth orbit, riding on a blue and green comet.

"Man, he'll be pissed when he comes back down here," said Blade.

"Yep," replied Saber, nodding his armored head.

A few moments of silence passed.

"Well, I guess we better pick up that dragonball in the bathroom over there," said Blade.

Saber stepped into the bathroom, thankful that his mask protected him from the rancid odor that would have otherwise invaded the tender interiors of his nostrils.

"Now where could this thing be?" he asked, looking around, his eyes finally zeroing in on the toilet bowl.

"You find it yet?" Miyuki called impatiently from outside the bathroom.

_Damn it, Miyuki. The crap I go through for you,_ he grunted, slowly reaching forward and sticking his hand into the toilet bowl, hoping that the ball in the water wasn't tainted with traces of Lance's fecal remnants. He slowly pulled it out and handed it to Miyuki.

"Eureka!" cheered Miyuki, kissing the orange sphere.

"Only four more to go..." murmured Saber as he washed his armored hands with soap and running water.

"Hey look, there's some random buggers attacking that random city for no reason whatsoever!" cried Miyuki.

_Fools..._ chuckled Omega. _Soon, my dark banner of cosmos...the spreading region...um...what the hell am I talking about again?_

____________________  
**Next time on Tekkaman Z!**

What's this? Might the crew find yet another dragonball? Melders and Bakin together alone? Just what is Melders doing? Who was that girl with Watts, the pilot of Diamond fighter? Will Takaya and Aki finally settle their differences? Will Galt heal? Will Mac eat five more hamburgers? We'll find out, next time on Tekkaman Z!

___________  
End Chapter 8 


	9. Dating Games

Author's Note: 

This story may contain elements and scenes from other fan-fictions written by different authors. If you feel that your rights are being violated, don't hesitate to contact me. Thank you. 

Of course, all of the Tekkaman/Dragonball/other characters/ideas that are not made up by me are property of their respective creators. I hope you enjoy this fiction. 

CAUTION: This story is not for the weak. Some of the situations may not feel amusing or appropriate to you. If this is the case, please stop reading the story, or skip to the next appropriate section. The '14 and up' rating means literally, 'not suitable for those under 14', unlike the lame rating system used for movies and TV programs, which means, 'okay for 10 and up'. 

____________  
**[TV-14 FVLN]**

**Last time on Tekkaman Z!**

It seems that Lance has some pressure problems! The Ascendant Tekkaman trials, the long journey, the re-entry into Earth's atmosphere, and the attack by Earth's defense forces have all taken their toll on Lance! And he will stop at nothing to relieve his pressure! 

*Lance tosses Roshi off the toilet and across the shop* 

Meanwhile, the Space Knights hear about Lance's burglary and rush to the scene! Not surprisingly, they find that they must go through Lance to get the precious dragonball! 

Blade and Saber: "VOL-TEKKA!" 

Lance: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO..." 

All right! Another dragonball found! 

Meanwhile, General Galt, head of the Allied Military, has a little accident in the cafeteria! But no problem, he's got a brilliant plan up his sleeve! 

Beverage owner: "Oh no! My coffee!" 

Melders can't help but follow Galt to the infirmary, where he makes a startling revelation—'aishiteru' does not mean 'how's it going'! 

Melders: "WHAT?!" 

What will happen between Melders and Izumi? Will Aki and Takaya get together? Has Tina found out about Jamison's slacking on the job? And on a completely unrelated note, who was that brunette with 'Kisaragi-san'? We might find out today, on... 

________________  
-[ **Tekkaman Z**]- 

Episode 9: Dating Games 

By: Kajitani Eizan 

Setting: Day 2, about 5:30 PM, Omega's super-secret base on the far side of the moon. 

Miyuki Meter: 46 hours remaining. [========|========|========] 

Phatness Gauge Z: 1234567

"Lance," boomed Omega. 

"Yes, sire," he replied, kneeling. He did not wish to look up and face his master's wrath. 

"Let me ask you this," started Omega. "Why do you think I bestowed you with Ascendant powers? So that you can bake cookies more efficiently with your Voltekker?" 

"Well, actually, that thought did come to mind—" 

"WRONG!" boomed Omega. "I gave you Ascendant powers so that you could destroy the traitors Blade and Saber. So you could eliminate them. Wipe them off the face of the planet. Make them kick the proverbial bucket. 'Now I can kill them faster; thank you master,' you said. So, did you succeed?" 

"Well...not entirely..." 

"Not entirely?" queried Omega, incredulous. "In what way did you succeed?" 

"Well, I did learn that I should never respond when I am told by the enemy that my shoe is untied." 

Omega stared at Lance. "What...?! Weren't you smart enough to make sure that they _were_ tied so that you would know for sure before the enemy tried to trick you with it?!" 

"I will try harder next time," mumbled Lance. 

"Anyway," boomed Omega, "I think you need a little more help. That's why I'm assigning you to Tekkaman Sword." 

"Sword?" asked Lance. "Is she back from leading the buggers in electricity raids?" 

"That's right," said a female voice from the shadows. 

"Oh, and I will provide you with five new Tekkamen," continued Omega. 

"Five?!" cried Lance. 

"Yes," replied Omega. Suddenly, a soft pink light fell on five pods on the side of the chamber. 

"Why don't you introduce yourselves..." intoned Omega. 

"Tekkaman Stop Sign!" 

"Tekkaman Yield!" 

"Tekkaman Speed Limit!" 

"Tekkaman U Turn!" 

"Tekkaman Elm Street!" 

The five Tekkaman flashed red eyes at Sword and Lance. 

"So, what do you think, my sweet Tabasco sauce-covered plum cake?" asked Omega, looking at Sword for her opinion. 

"...Dear, let me be frank," started Sword. 

"What, my little strawberry-frosted buttercup?" replied Omega. 

"Those are some of the stupidest names I've ever heard." 

"Oh," replied Omega. "I'd better amend that, then." 

He gestured with his hand. With agonized screams, the five Tekkaman dissolved into nothingness. 

Sword and Lance stared. 

"...Um, sire, couldn't you have just renamed them?" asked Lance. 

"Shut up." 

*** 

"Hey, Bakin," called Lieutenant Melders. 

The object of Melders' beckon turned to face him. "Melders-kun?" 

"There's something I would like to say," said Melders. The hallway was deserted—perfect. "And that is..._aishiteru_." 

Lieutenant Izumi gasped. He stared into Melders' blue irises with his own brown eyes. 

"I..." he whispered. 

"Are you free tonight?" asked Melders. 

"I...yes, I am," breathed Bakin. "Why?" 

"Do you want to meet at this restaurant?" asked Melders, pointing to a spot on a map. "It'll be fun." 

"Sure!" exclaimed Bakin. "Thank you, Melders-chan..." 

With that, he turned to leave, a smile on his lips, and a glow in his cheeks. 

*** 

Trunks checked his hair one more time. He had spent the last half-hour adjusting it until it was just right—just the way Goten liked it. He practiced his 'dreamy' pose in the mirror one more time and walked towards the front door. 

"Where are you going, kid, dressed up like that?" asked Vegita. 

"Wha?! Oh, hi, dad, you're home early," Trunks nervously stammered. 

"Yeah, the car broke down, so I had to run back," replied Vegita. "I would have been home sooner, but that damn police officer gave me a ticket for jogging at twice the posted speed limit on the shoulder." 

"Ouch, that sucks," replied Trunks. He continued on his way, hoping Vegita wouldn't question him further. 

"So where are you going?" asked Vegita. 

"Um...on a date," Trunks nervously replied. 

"Really? With who?" 

_Oh, shit..._ thought Trunks. 

Just then, the doorbell rang. 

_Double shit..._ he thought. 

"Hmm...shouldn't _you_ be the one to pick up your date?" asked Vegita. "...Whatever, go open the door." 

_Crap crap crap..._ thought Trunks as he opened the door. 

"Hi, Trunks-chan!" 

"What?! Miyuki? What are you doing here?" 

"Well, I forgot my purse," she explained. "I was..." 

A light bulb went off in Trunks' head. 

"Hey, Miyuki, thanks for picking me up," he said, grabbing her arm and leading her out the door. "Sorry I lost my keys." 

"What?" she asked, confused. 

Vegita spent the next two seconds zooming around the house, looking for Miyuki's purse. Upon finding it, he zoomed back to the spot at which he was standing before and tossed Miyuki her purse, hoping that she didn't notice his momentary disappearance. 

"Bye, Dad, I'll be back in a few!" he called to Vegita, shutting the door behind him. 

"Where are we going, Trunks-chan?" _He's soo dreamy..._

"Out on a date, of course," replied Trunks, flashing her a forced smile. _Damn, another date ruined..._

_It's all so sudden..._ thought Miyuki. _But if it's with Trunks-chan, I don't mind!_

The two got into Miyuki's car and drove off. 

Suddenly, there was another ring of the doorbell. 

_Goddamn, who could it be now?_ thought Vegita as he opened the door. 

"Huh?! Mr. Briefs!" exclaimed Goten. "Haha...how's it going?" 

"Why are you here, and why are you carrying flowers in your hand?" 

"Um...well, is Trunks here? I needed to talk to him." 

"He just left on a date." 

"What?!" blurted Goten. "But he was supposed to go on a date with me!" _Oh, shit! _ "I mean, with—" 

"Miyuki, I know," replied Vegita. "Is 'Mi' her nickname or something?" 

_Miyuki?!_ thought Goten. _Trunks...please don't tell me that you love her more than..._

"Oh, and by the way," said Vegita, "do you know why they planted those ugly, purple, bulbous trees all over the park? I can't believe my tax money is going towards this kind of crap..." 

*** 

"Blue Earth craft! Hasshin!" cried Takaya. 

"Will you stop being a grapefruit and tell us where the next dragonball is?" asked Ringo. 

Takaya examined the Dragon Radar. "It seems to be in the middle of that horde of mutant buggers under the command of the Radam leader, Omega, that Miyuki pointed out in the last episode." 

"Where is Miyuki, anyway?" asked Shinya. 

"She said she left her purse at Bulma's house," replied Takaya. "It seemed natural to let her go and get it." 

"Are you stupid?!" asked Shinya. "She saved our asses in the last two battles! We might lose the next one!" 

"Anyway," interrupted Ringo, "let's go and attack that horde of mutant buggers under the command of the Radam leader, Omega, that Miyuki pointed out in the last episode. We might find the dragonball." 

"Roger, Chief!" 

Outside, the battle was not boding well for Earth. The fighter squad fighting with the buggers was taking some damage. Suddenly, one fighter got reckless and charged into the middle of a group of buggers. The buggers methodically sunk their claws into various parts of the jet, concentrating most on the cockpit, making it a bloody grave. The pilot's anguished cries of pain were drowned out by the battle roars of the buggers. He screamed again as his legs were shorn off, and again as he was gruesomely beheaded, and again as his heart was pierced, causing it to explode and send crimson blood splattering everywhere, and again as his lungs were ripped open, and again as his nose hairs were plucked, and— 

"Okay, we get the picture," said Aki, more than slightly nauseated. 

Suddenly, the buggers fired pink goo at the jet, igniting the large amount of fuel remaining and destroying the jet. The Space Knights shielded their eyes from the brilliance of the massive explosion. 

"Squad leader, come in," called Aki over the comm system. "This is the Blue Earth." 

"Watts here," replied Watts, former kid pilot of Diamond fighter during Operation Sunset. "Hey, don't you have two Tekkamen on board, along with a Soltekkaman suit?" 

"Yep," replied Aki. "By the way, we're sorry about the loss of your man." 

"Don't worry, he'll be okay," replied Watts. "He ejected. But he's hurt. Hurt badly." 

"Right," replied Aki, rolling her eyes, "I'm sure he'll recover with some time in the hospital. By the way, did you see an orange ball around?" 

"Nope, sorry," replied Watts. "I'm going to cut this communication now, lest the buggers defeat our entire squad as I chitchat. By the way, you did say that Tekkamen Blade and Saber were onboard, right?" 

"Yeah, yeah, and a Soltekkaman suit, too. Well, okay, see you around, then," replied Aki. 

She cut the communication link. 

"Hmm...I think it would be a good idea to work on my Outlaw Star fic now..." said Shinya. 

"No, we have to search for the dragonball, remember?" asked Takaya. "We had better tek-set, get out there, and search!" 

Another jet plane exploded in brilliance. 

"Man, that's gotta hurt," said Ringo. 

*** 

"Where did you say Trunks went?" asked Goten nervously. 

"He didn't tell me anything, that stupid boy. He just ran off with her. Kids these days..." Vegita trailed off. His mind wandered during the days of his own youth, when he was seduced by the stunning green-haired girl that was able to provide him with delicate pleasure beyond his wildest imaginations, touching him in just the right tender spots where he would shoot out in excitement just as she would open her— 

"_Well_," said Goten loudly, clearing his throat, "I better be off now..." 

"You still haven't told me why you've brought flowers," Vegita frowned. 

"Oh, these, haha?" Goten blushed. "Well, Trunks wanted me to pick them up so that he could give them to Miyuki for their date." 

"Well, either that idiot left early without them, or you're late," Vegita said, pausing. "Do I smell cologne?" 

"Um...it must be the flowers," Goten said hurriedly, turning around. "See you, Mr. Briefs." 

"Yeah," the man replied, closing the door. _I wonder why that kid was dressed better than usual._

*** 

Ringo watched the Soltekkaman suit open. "It moved." 

"Tek-setta!" cried Takaya as he generated his emerald crystal and swung it in an arc, ending with his arm over his head. 

He generated the two halves of his lance, joined them, performed a pointless flip that landed him back onto Pegas, twirled his lance over his head, and finally posed with his lance held behind him. "Tekkaman...Blade!" 

"Tek-setta!" cried Shinya as he generated his azure crystal and held it over his head in a fruity pose. "Tekkaman...Saber!" 

"Z-tron! My strength!" cried Ringo. "Soltek-setta!" 

Ringo jumped into the Soltekkaman suit and swung the gun around a few times. "Soltekkaman...Noaru!" 

"Noaru?" wondered Aki. "What the hell kind of name is that?" 

"Okay, men, let's get out there and search!" cried Blade. 

The three looked around for a quarter of an hour amongst the swarm of buggers, to no avail. Meanwhile, Watts' squad was being slowly diminshed...until Watts himself was the only one left. 

"No...my squad..." whispered Watts. Suddenly, a bugger shot pink goo at his jet plane. "Noooooooo—" 

Suddenly, a blue bolt came out of nowhere and destroyed the offending goo. 

"Wasn't me," said Noaru. 

"My Voltekker isn't that color," said Blade. 

"Do you really think that I would help that blowhard?" asked Saber. 

"Allow me to introduce myself," said a mysterious voice. "I am...Soltekkaman Saint." 

*** 

"What?" mumbled Vegita, picking up the phone. 

"Hi, this is Antoine Fox from The Blue Oyster." 

"Okay." 

"Does a Mister Trunks Briefs live there?" 

"Yeah," Vegita answered, reaching for a Tootsie Roll. "But he's not here." 

"Well, he has a reservation at our restaurant-bar, and he's over a half-hour late. He left this phone number." 

"Oh." 

"Yes, well, if he doesn't come soon, I'll have to cancel his reservation of two people: he and—" 

"Yes, he's probably on his way," Vegita replied, hanging up the phone. "The Blue Oyster? Never heard of that before." 

*** 

"Hey, lads, I was wondering," said Mac, "how are we going to store these dragon's balls? I mean, they're round and slippery, and, well, ball-like." 

"Hi, guys," said a blond-haired, clean-shaven man, "I'm Balzac." 

Shinya started cracking up. 

"Balzac St. Jacques...hey, what's so funny?" 

"What kind...of dolt...has a name...like 'Balzac'?" managed Shinya between fits of laughter. 

"Why you pale little bastard!" shouted Balzac. "Wait...aren't you the one who almost cut my legs off up on the Space Ring with your Voltekker?!" 

"The doctors managed to save his legs," said Watts. "But they were hurt. Hurt badly." 

"Man, I wish I had actually done it," said Shinya. "Oops! I mean, that was when the Radam were controlling me; why not let bygones be—" 

"That's IT!" shouted Balzac, launching himself towards Shinya. Balzac let his fist fly, sending Shinya into the wall of the hangar bay. 

"Balzac, you MONSTER!" yelled Takaya. 

"I am NOT... I am NOT a monster!" Balzac yelled, grabbing his head and running towards Takaya in a mad rage. 

Takaya swiped Ringo's gun and shot Balzac in the head. 

"Man, I was waiting for a chance to do that." 

*** 

"Wow, those Powerpuff Girls can sure pack a punch," commented Vegita. Finished with his evening movie, he began to flip through the channels. 

_"I guarantee that the Oreck XL will make your life easier...as a matter of fact, if it doesn't live up to—"_

Click. Vegita changed the channel as he took another sip from his can of Miller Lite. 

_"News Flash! The recent explosion at the local nuclear power plant was, in fact, caused by a horde of Rad__—"_

Click. 

_"And it's Himura with the three pointer! Wow, Nick, I never expected him to make it in from there__!"_

"Ahh," said Vegita, "something worth watching...damn, another commercial break?!" 

Click. 

_"Oh, I love you, Billy..."_

_"Me, too, Jimmy..."_

"...What the fuck is this?" said Vegita, picking up the TV guide. 

_ "Oh, Billy, you make my willy go silly..."_

"Channel 73...WGAY?" Vegita muttered. "Who ordered this shit?" 

_"Double Dragon: Dirt Road will be back after these messages..."_

Vegita raised the remote, ready to flip the channel. Suddenly... 

_ "Are you looking for a great gay bar? A place to schmooze with the boys and enjoy our gay delicacies? Well, check out The Blue Oyster...it won't disappoint!"_

"Blue Oyster?" mumbled Vegita. "Gay bar...? Wait...I've heard that name..." 

_"Don't miss out on an evening of jerking, joy, and juice!"_

"Trunks..." Vegita frowned, scratching his head. "...Why would he take her there?" 

*** 

"Jamison-san?" called Tina. 

"What is it?" he replied. _Wow, she's hot..._

"I think you forgot this in my room," she replied, holding up _Scientific American_. She flipped through it, trying to find her picture again. 

"Oh, thank you, Tina," said Jamison. _Wait...isn't there an issue of _Playboy_ in there...? Oh shit!_

"Thank you," he repeated, swiping the magazine from her hands. "I just remembered that I have somewhere to be. It's very important." 

"Really?" asked Tina, full of innocent curiosity. "During your break? What work do you have? Can I help?" 

"Um...no," said Jamison. "Bye!" 

He beat a hasty retreat back to a deserted section of the hallway, finally pausing to inspect his magazine. 

_Good, I don't think she saw the issue of _Playboy_..._ he thought, flipping through the pages to the issue of _Playboy_. _Wait...shouldn't it be right about here...? What?! It's not here!_

He flashbacked to when he was in Tina's room. He remembered dropping _Scientific American_... 

_Oh shit...it must have fallen out when I picked it up!_ he thought. _That means..._Playboy_...with my name on it...with my drool on her Photoshopped picture...is in her room!_

*** 

Blade sighed in relief. Things were going well so far; they managed to locate the dragonball—it had been sitting inside of a bugger's stomach. In order to prevent the accidental damage or destruction of the orange sphere of rounded rotundity, they had decided not to rip the bugger apart, but to knock it unconscious and give it laxatives to ease the removal of the ball. 

"Unfortunately," said Mac, "there's two problems. First of all, we're a bit low on fuel, and the massive weight of this lad here," he said, gesturing to the unconscious bugger next to him, "is severely reducing our mileage. Second of all, those two evil Tekkamen are outside." 

"Lance and Sword," said Takaya, looking out the window of the Blue Earth as it flew over the mountains. 

"Okay, so we need someone to distract those two and get them away from the Blue Earth," said Ringo. "How about...Balzac?" 

"What?!" 

"All in favor, say 'Aye'." 

"Aye," chorused the entire crew, except Balzac and Watts. 

"Get out there, you wuss," barked Ringo. "Show those Tekkamen what your Z-tron gun can do. Or do I have to push you out?" 

"Grr...I'll show you what I'm made of!" growled Balzac. 

"Soltek-setta!" he cried, jumping into the Soltekkaman suit. "Soltekkaman...Saint!" 

He blasted off, firing his gun at random buggers along the way. 

"Good thinking, Ringo," nodded Aki, "but we still need to get rid of some more dead weight." 

Screams of agony could be heard in the distance. 

Everyone looked around, seeing mainly the huge bugger lying on the floor. 

"Hmm..." mused Takaya. "We could carefully slice the bugger up, using the Dragon Radar to determine where we can safely make cuts. It would be a painstaking process, but—" 

"Why go through all that trouble?" asked Shinya. "This'll be easier." 

With that, he tossed Watts out of the Blue Earth, hearing him shriek as he plummeted. 

"Hey, what was that for, lad?!" asked an angry Mac. 

"Don't worry; he'll live," smirked Shinya. "But he'll be hurt. Hurt badly." 

_______________________  
**To be continued**

___________  
End Chapter 9 


	10. Again

Author's Note: 

This story may contain elements and scenes from other fan-fictions written by different authors. If you feel that your rights are being violated, don't hesitate to contact me. Thank you. 

Of course, all of the Tekkaman/Dragonball/other characters/ideas that are not made up by me are property of their respective creators. I hope you enjoy this fiction. 

CAUTION: This story is not for the weak. Some of the situations may not feel amusing or appropriate to you. If this is the case, please stop reading the story, or skip to the next appropriate section. The '14 and up' rating means literally, 'not suitable for those under 14', unlike the lame rating system used for movies and TV programs, which means, 'okay for 10 and up'.  
____________  
**[TV-14 FVLN]**

**Last time on Tekkaman Z!**

Sword finally shows up and teams up with Lance! This ambiguously dashing duo will surely prove to be trouble for the Space Knights! 

Meanwhile, the said heroes find a dragonball in the midst of a bugger horde! Of course, they mercilessly ignore Watts, who ends up being saved by none other than...Soltekkaman Saint, also known as... 

Balzac: "Balzac. Balzac St. Jacques." 

While Shinya cracks up, Trunks gets ready to go on a date with Goten! But with an unfortunate set of circumstances, this event is circumvented! Instead, Trunks is forced to head out with Miyuki, leaving a confused Goten behind! Is Vegita starting to suspect Trunks due to certain odd occurrences? Or will he remain as clueless about Goten as he is about the Radam? 

Back at the Blue Earth, the bugger with the dragonball, Balzac, and Watts are all taken in...but two of them soon leave! 

Balzac: "I'll show you what I'm made of!" 

Watts: "AHHHHHH!" 

Elsewhere, Jamison realizes that his _Playboy_ is still in Tina's room! 

Finally, Melders invites Bakin out to dinner! Is this the big date Bakin was hoping for? 

Blade: "I'll never let you win!" 

Omega: "The Earth will be mine!" 

Blade: "Tekno Battle Mode!" *Destroys buggers at set camera angles* 

And now for the continuing saga of..."Dating Games"!

________________  
-[ **Tekkaman Z**]- 

Episode 10: Dating Games...Again 

By: Kajitani Eizan 

Setting: Day 2, about 7:00 PM, on the road. 

Miyuki Meter: 44.5 hours remaining. [========|========|========] 

Phatness Gauge Z: 1234567

_Man, this sucks..._ said Trunks. _Well, I already paid for our reservation at The Blue Oyster, so I might as well take her there..._

The two drove through the night, Trunks concentrating on the road, Miyuki concentrating on Trunks, until they reached their restaurant of choice. 

"The Blue Oyster?" said Miyuki. "I never heard of this place." 

_Hmm..._ thought Trunks. _Maybe this'll even scare her off so that I can enjoy the rest of the night with Goten-chan..._

The two strolled into the restaurant, only to be checked by the maitre 'd. 

"Are you Trunks Briefs?" he asked of the teen with the crazily-colored coiffure. 

"That's me," Trunks replied. 

"And this," he said, giving Miyuki an odd look, "is Go—" 

"Going to be my fiancé," interrupted Trunks nervously. "Miyuki Aiba." 

"Right... Come right this way," the man said, gesturing with his hand. 

The two followed the maitre 'd to their table. He handed them menus and left. 

Miyuki glanced around the room, observing the many couples that were present. "Hmm...there sure are a lot of people that are...well, gay," she commented. 

"Yeah, that's characteristic of this area," fibbed Trunks. "Let's take a look at the menu." 

Miyuki raised an eyebrow as she examined the menu. "Um...some of the items on this menu are a little...odd...wouldn't you say, Trunks-chan?" 

"Yeah," said Trunks. "It's a specialty restaurant...I guess." 

A slim man came up to their table, wearing a belly shirt and skorts. "My name is Amaantu Likanfuk, and I'll be your waiter for tonight. May I take your order, please?" 

"Sure," said Trunks. "We would like to start with some Butt Bread with olive oil and freshly ground black pepper." 

"Good, good, that's all quite good and gay," replied the waiter. "Anything else?" 

"Yeah, I think I'll go with some Cock-a-cola and a Homoburger." 

"Would you like any cheese with the Homoburger?" 

"Sure, I'll go with Pepper Jackoff," replied Trunks. 

"And would you like Faggot Fries as well?" the waiter asked. 

"Hmm...why not?" said Trunks. 

"And for you?" asked the waiter, turning to a disturbed Miyuki. 

"Um...what's the special for today?" she asked. 

"I think you'll like our famous Choked Chicken with lemon and Gayonnaise," he replied. 

"Um, I think I'll pass on that," Miyuki said slowly. "Do you have anything um...normal?" 

"Well, we have Cheese Pizza." 

"Yes...yes, that will be good," she said, relieved, closing her menu. 

"Oh, and it comes with Tossed Salad," the waiter said. "What type of dressing would you like with that?" 

"I...think I'll pass on the salad," she said, and Trunks winked at her. 

"Oh, come on, Miyuki, it tastes pretty good." 

"Trunks-chan," she said. "You've come here before?" 

"Why, yes," the waiter answered. "He's a regular, along with—" 

"Everyone else here," Trunks nervously finished the sentence. 

"Right," said the waiter. "So, what you like like to drink? The fruity sweetness of Penis Colada? The citrus tang of 69-Up?" 

"I'll just have water, thank you," replied Miyuki hurriedly. 

"Anything else?" 

"That'll be all," replied Trunks. 

"Fifteen minutes," the waiter said, taking their menus and walking away, jiggling his ass at the two. 

*** 

"Hey, that's odd," said Bakin. He squinted more in an endeavor to clarify the image that he was seeing. 

"What?" asked Melders, looking in the direction that Bakin was looking. 

"Isn't that couple...well, straight?" pondered Bakin. "Isn't that unusual?" 

"It sure is," replied Melders. "Unless the green-haired one is a transvestite. Man, kids these days are crazy with their dyed hair." 

"Yeah...check out that kid's lavender hair," replied Bakin. "Actually, it's pretty cute. I should try that." 

Just then, the waiter arrived with their food. 

"Here is your Buttweiser and Spermloin Steak," the waiter said to Bakin, placing the said items in front of him. 

"Thank you." 

"And here is your Peking Dick with Reamed Corn," he said to Melders. "And here is the Orange Jizz you requested." 

"Thank you." 

"Enjoy your meals," said the waiter, turning away. 

"Thanks for bringing me here, Melders-chan," said Bakin softly, gazing into Melders' eyes. 

"No problem, Izumi-chan," replied Melders, forcing a smile. 

_Soon..._

*** 

Miyuki's meal was surprisingly tasty. She took another bite of her Cheese Pizza. After seeing that the food Trunks had ordered was normal—other than in name—she tried some and found it surprisingly good. The Butt Bread with olive oil and black pepper was soft, fluffy, and absolutely delicious, seasoned with basil and liberal amounts of olive oil as it was, and Trunks' Homoburger with Pepper Jackoff cheese was an alluring delight with its superb combination of meat, cheese, and jalapeno pepper. 

"Are you enjoying your meal?" asked the waiter to the two. They nodded. 

"Good, good. And what would you like for dessert?" the waiter asked. 

After talking it over with Miyuki, Trunks replied, "We'll go with one Packed Fudge Sundae and one bowl of Cocky Road Ass Cream." 

The waiter nodded and left. 

"Ow!" said Miyuki suddenly. "I think I have something in my eye." 

"Let me take a look," replied Trunks, concerned. He leaned across the table and peered into her eye. 

_Oh my God.._. thought Goten, looking in through the window of the restaurant. Trunks' back was to him. _Trunks-chan is...making out with Miyuki?! Why..._

Dejected,he flew away into the darkness of the night, crying. 

"Ah, I think it's gone now," said Miyuki, oblivious to the jet-haired juvenile that was spying on her. 

"Ah, that's good," replied Trunks. "Excuse me, I'll be right back. Feel free to start without me." 

Trunks got up and left for the bathroom. _Must remain faithful to Goten-chan...must remain faithful to Goten-chan..._

Miyuki glanced around the room. One man in particular caught her eye—a German man with blond hair and blue eyes. 

_That guy..._ she thought, gazing at Melders. _I'm sure I've seen him somewhere before..._

*** 

Son Goku saw an explosion a few blocks away. A small amount of smoke began to rise from the building, and terrified citizens fled from the scene. 

"Ah, another movie shooting," he said. "I don't want to screw it up like last time." 

He walked down the street in the other direction, whistling a tune and avoiding the ugly purple tree that was in his path. 

*** 

Miyuki stared as she saw an armored figure crash through the ceiling and land hard onto the floor. It seemed to be in pain, judging from its hysterical screams of agony. Suddenly, another armored form crashed down on top of the first one, shoving its lance through the first armored form's arm, eliciting more expressions of pain. 

"Tekkaman Sword..." whispered Miyuki. 

"Why, if it isn't little Aiba Miyuki," sneered Sword. "You have no idea as to how pleased I am to see you. Aren't you glad to see me?" 

"Ecstatic." 

"Well, let's get over with the obligatory speeches. Won't you rejoin the Radam? You still have time to be saved!" cried Sword. 

"Hell, no," snapped Miyuki, whipping out her rose-colored tek-set. "Tek-setta!" 

Miyuki performed a pointless flip before becoming... 

"Tekkaman...Rapier!" 

"Good, now that that's over with, let's do it to it!" shouted Sword. 

She charged forward...only to be tripped by the first armored figure. 

"Not so fast, Sword," grunted Saint. 

Sword struggled to get free of Saint's iron grip on her ankle. 

"Rapier...you're with us, right? With the Earth?" asked Saint. 

"Yeah, that's right. I'm Takaya's sister." 

"Good...my suit is damaged beyond repair. I'm going to take this bitch out if it's the last thing I do..." he said. 

Suddenly, he started glowing pink and yellow, flashing at a violent frequency. Diagonal cuts randomly appeared on his chest. 

"What...what is he doing?" cried Rapier. 

"He's initiated his self-destruct sequence!" cried Sword. 

"Forgive me, Rapier; it's the only way to destroy her..." cried Saint. Everybody ran out of the restaurant, screaming. 

"No, Saint, no!" cried Sword. 

"Rapier...remember me as I once was..." he cried, his eyes streaming with tears, pink and yellow flashing around him. 

"Um...who are you?" replied Rapier. 

"I'll always be with you, Rapier...always..." 

Suddenly, the flashing lights disappeared. 

"Uh...that sucked," said Saint. 

"Congratulations on blowing yourself up," said Sword. 

"Get that self-destruct button fixed for the next battle," advised Rapier. "We might need your help." 

"But, now, Rapier, you're the one that's going to need help," snarled Sword. 

*** 

Feeling a large boulder splash into the placid lake, Trunks breathed a sigh of relief. Upon smelling the aesthetic aroma that diffused from the fecal funnel, he turned to look at the toilet paper, noticing that it was covered with imaginative images of phallic pictograms. 

"Wow, the owners here have thought of everything," he smiled to himself, now eager to wipe his location of excretion. 

Suddenly, Trunks felt an explosion that was not a direct result of his abdominal adjurations. The entire bathroom shook for a few seconds. 

"Man," he said, "that's the second earthquake this week." 

Another boulder released itself. 

*** 

"But, now, Rapier, you're the one that's going to need help," snarled Sword. 

"You already said that line," Miyuki said. 

"No, see, that was meant as a recap," explained Sword. 

"Oh." 

"So, Rapier, it's just one-on-one now...Radam on traitor, Sword on Rapier, Hun Rii on Miyuki—" 

"Wow, I can't wait to see that!" exclaimed Saint, only to have his head kicked by Sword. 

"So, what's your name again?" asked Rapier of Saint. 

"Balzac. Balzac St. Jacques," he replied. 

Rapier and Sword started cracking up. 

"What kind...of dolt...has a name...like 'Balzac'?" managed the two between fits of laughter. 

"Anyway," said Sword, recovering from her mirth, "at least I can send a letter to your family about your demise. Do you have dog tags on you? That goes for you, too, Rapier." 

"I'll stop you!" shouted Rapier. 

"Of course you will," mocked Sword. 

"Hey!" shouted Rapier, seeing her waiter cowering in the corner. "Get out of here, Amaantu Likanfuk!" 

"Huh?" said Saint, confused. 

The two Tekkamen charged at each other, each vying for control over her opponent. The two struggled, each of their own attacks parried by the other. 

_An opening!_ Rapier realized. She thrust her rapier at Sword, scoring... 

...nothing...as Lance's lance-like lance blocked her attack. 

"Surprised?" he smirked. "Rapier." 

She screamed out in pain as he penetrated her with his...lance. 

Suddenly, a blue bolt came out of nowhere and knocked Lance's glaive aside, turning what would have been a serious injury into a superficial cut. 

"You ball sack!" yelled Sword, kicking Saint again. 

*** 

"Here we are," said Melders, inserting the keycard into the door and opening it. "Room 704." 

"Melders-chan..." whispered Bakin. 

Bakin immediately walked over to the bed and sat down. "It's so comfortable...don't you think so, Melders-chan?" 

Melders opened the balcony door and stood there, looking out into the night sky, resting his arms on the ledge wall, his azure eyes shining in the moonlight. 

"Melders-chan..." said Bakin, walking over to stand next to Melders. 

The two stared out into the night sky. 

Bakin inhaled slightly as Melders put his arm around him. He turned his head, facing Melders, looking into Melders' shining blue irises. He moved closer...closer...so close so that he could feel Melders' hot breath on his neck...his lips almost touching the other's... 

Melders shoved Bakin off the balcony. 

"AAAAHHHHHHH!" screamed Watts, falling from the sky. 

Melders watched as Watts landed on Bakin, already sprawled on the ground. 

"Help...me..." moaned Watts, stretching a hand up to Melders six floors above. "I'm hurt. Hurt badly." 

*** 

Miyuki winced as she crashed into a big, blue shell, the namesake of The Blue Oyster. 

"Now you die!" yelled Lance as he thrust his glaive at Miyuki. 

_Now!_ thought Miyuki. She held out her rapier horizontally, one hand on each side of the weapon, and met Lance's thrust head-on...successfully blocking it. 

_Shit!_ thought Lance. _She's blocked my weapon right in the middle of the prongs!_

Miyuki jumped forward and to the side, double gripping her rapier as she sliced Lance's glaive into two halves, quickly approaching Lance's torso... 

"Teeeear into pieces!" 

"Aggghhh!!" Lance screamed as he felt his armor shred in many different places, causing numerous painful cuts on his skin. 

"Lance!" cried Sword. 

"I'm okay," he grunted, regenerating his lance. "It will take more than that to defeat an Ascendant Tekkaman!" 

"Damn..." muttered Rapier. 

"Now, eat this!" yelled Lance, firing his goo jets at Rapier. 

Suddenly, a figure appeared out of nowhere and repelled the goo with a twirl of his lance. 

"Sorry," said Blade, "but she's not hungry." 

"I just had Cheese Pizza!" affirmed Rapier, taking another swing at Sword. 

Saber swiped some Warm Apple Pie off of a nearby table, then wailed as he realized that his faceplate prevented his consumption of the tasty treat. Suddenly, jets of goo smashed into the pie, ruining it. 

"We'll have none of that here," mocked Lance. 

"Why...you...bastard!" screamed Saber, charging at Lance. 

"This is for Miyuki!" cried Blade, charging at the same. 

*** 

Commander Jamison, head of the Space Knights, knocked on the door in front of him. "Hello?" 

There was no response. 

_Great!_ he thought, producing his master key from his pocket. _Now I can sneak in, grab my magazine, and get out..._

Jamison opened the door without a hitch. He peered around the room, looking for his magazine. 

_Aha!_ he thought, spotting it on the floor next to the bed. He walked over to pick it up. 

"Eeek! Jamison-san!" wailed Tina. 

Jamison started and turned to the source of the voice. His face turned red as he realized that Tina was wearing...nothing...under the towel. 

"Jamison-san, get out of my room!" said Tina, stomping over to him to push him into the hall. Unfortunately, she slipped on the issue of _Playboy_, causing her to stumble forward...straight into Jamison, who held his hands out in front to stop her. 

The two crashed onto the bed, the springy mattress cushioning their fall. 

"Tina..." trailed off Jamison. _I...can't...hold onto it...any...longer..._

"Jamison-san..." whispered Tina, sensing where his hands were. Jamison quickly moved his hands to his side, turning red in the face. 

The background became colorful and sparkly. Tina unconsciously lowered her head to Jamison's. 

"Hey, Tina," called Maggie from the hall, "you wanna—oh, my!" 

Tina jumped off the bed. "No, Maggie, it's not what you think!" 

Jamison gaped as her towel fell off, then, with an effort, turned his head away as Tina blushed heavily. _Man...what am I thinking? She's like half my age and height!_

"Wait till everyone hears about this!" said Maggie, racing down the hall. 

"I think I'll...just...leave now," said Jamison nervously, picking up his magazine and shoving it into his pocket. 

"Oh no you won't!" yelled Tina, shutting the door and locking it. 

Jamison gulped. 

"So..." Tina said slyly. "I think I deserve some compensation for the trouble you've just caused." 

Jamison backed away, terrified, as Tina slyly edged towards him. "What's your shoe size, Jamison-san?" 

_I'm doomed to be arrested for pedophilia, aren't I..._

*** 

Saber swiped at Lance again, only to be blocked. Lance's foot connected with his head, sending him sliding across the floor neckfirst. 

"Damn you!" cried Blade as he charged at Lance. 

"Argh!" cried Miyuki as Sword kicked her in the xyphoid process, knocking the wind out of her. 

"Miyuki!" yelled Blade, distracted. 

"I'd worry about myself if I were you!" shouted Lance, slashing Blade across the chest, sending him flying into a recovering Saber. 

The Aiba brothers cursed as they were trapped by Lance's goo jets. 

"And now for the finale!" chuckled Lance, revealing his Voltekker cells. 

"We're screwed..." moaned Blade. 

"Hey, look at the bright side," said Saber. "At least he didn't unzip his pants." 

"True..." conceded Blade. "But still, what hope do we have?" 

"Don't worry," said Saber. "I've got a backup plan. As a matter of fact, it should kick in in a matter of seconds." 

"You're bluffing," chuckled Lance. "Don't be silly; your end is now." 

"Try looking above you," smirked Saber. 

"I'm not going to fall for—AAAGGGHHH!" 

Lance's screams were drowned out as the laxatives kicked in, sending gallons and gallons of loose bugger stool to rain upon him through the hole in the ceiling, slowly but surely eating through his armor. 

"Why is it that we always find dragonballs when we're in deep shit?" asked Rapier, picking up the three-star ball that emerged from the copious crap and washing it with water from a nearby glass. 

With one Z-tron bolt from Saint, Blade and Saber were free. Sword realized that she was outnumbered three to one. 

"Damn you!" cursed Sword, kicking Saint in the side again. "I'll be back...and you'll be sorry!" 

The Aiba family watched as she took off into the night sky, dragging a soiled Lance behind her. 

"I've been wondering, oniisan," said Rapier, "how did you know to come here?" 

"Actually, it's because of the Dragon Radar," Blade replied. "It claimed that another dragonball was already here." 

Saber reached into the remnants of the blue oyster shell and pulled out...the six-star dragonball. 

"The shell must have been shielding the dragonball," Rapier realized. "When I crashed into it, the dragonball could be detected by the Dragon Radar again!" 

"Only two more to go," noted Saber. 

"Some help here..." groaned Saint. 

"Whose Packed Fudge Sundae is this?" asked Amaantu. 

*** 

_"Check out Orgy.com's Festival of Fu__—__"_

Click. 

_"Digimon! Digimon! Wow, I got more power! Digimon! Digital__—"_

Click. 

_"Last time on Drag__—"_

Click. 

_"News Flash! A local restaurant, The Blue Oyster, was just attacked by Radam Tekkamen! It seems that large amounts of bugger excretions have been dumped into the restaurant as well! Here's Al Ned, on the scene..."_

"The Blue Oyster?" muttered Vegita. "Radam Tekkamen? Stupid kids and their gangs these days." 

***" 

"Are you alright?" asked Blade, concerned. 

"Sure, other than a few broken bones, I think so," grimaced Saint. 

"I was talking to Miyuki." 

"I...I'm fine..." she managed, detransforming. Her fight with Sword left her feeling exhausted. 

"Hmm...something seems...different...about this place," said Trunks, emerging from the bathroom. "I can't quite finger it..." 

"Here is your Cocky Road Ass Cream, sir," said Amaantu. 

"Thanks," said Miyuki. "Um...let's go outside; the night air is more...crisp." 

"Okay," replied Trunks, giving a strange look to the police, fire, military, medical, and media personnel that were on the scene. _I never recall this place being this popular before..._

The two ate their desserts quickly, sharing theirs with the other. 

"Well," said Miyuki finally, "it's been a fun evening. You want a ride back?" 

"Yeah, if it's not a problem," replied Trunks. 

The two looked over at Miyuki's car, which was damaged in the explosion. 

"Um...we could fly back," said Miyuki. 

"Fly?" asked Trunks, shocked. "But, but...I can't fly!" _She couldn't possibly have found out about...?_

"Sure we can!" replied Miyuki. "Tek-setta!" 

Trunks quickly shielded his eyes from the bright light—well, more from Miyuki's anatomy—only to be picked up off the ground. 

"Let's go!" shouted Rapier, blasting off into the sky. 

_Wow..._ thought Trunks. 

"Hey, don't you think you guys should go get Watts medical attention?" asked Saint. 

"Nah," said Saber. "I'm sure he's already getting attention." 

*** 

"Oh, Watts!" cried out Bakin, his crazed eyes going out of focus. 

"Oh, no!" cried out Watts in extreme fear, his eyes widening as Bakin approached. 

"And now for the finale," breathed Bakin, smirking fiendishly. 

A scream came from Room 704. Many were to follow the rest of the night. 

_I'm hurting...hurting badly..._ thought Watts, agonized. 

Such is the madness of rejection. 

_______________________  
**Next time on Tekkaman Z!**

They fight! Another dragonball is found! Something happens! Miyuki has even less time remaining! Next time on Tekkaman Z! 

___________  
End Chapter 10 


	11. VirginVagary

Author's Note: 

Again, sorry for the slow update. I'm really lazy... 

This story may contain elements and scenes from other fan-fictions written by different authors. If you feel that your rights are being violated, don't hesitate to contact me. Thank you.

Of course, all of the Tekkaman/Dragonball/other characters/ideas that are not made up by me are property of their respective creators. I hope you enjoy this fiction. 

CAUTION: This story is not for the weak. Some of the situations may not feel amusing or appropriate to you. If this is the case, please stop reading the story, or skip to the next appropriate section. The '14 and up' rating means literally, 'not suitable for those under 14', unlike the lame rating system used for movies and TV programs, which means, 'okay for 10 and up'. 

____________  
**[TV-14 FVLN]**

**Last time on Tekkaman Z!**

Thanks to Vegita, Trunks has to take Miyuki to the gay bar 'Blue Oyster' instead of Goten! After Miyuki's initial gripes with the menu, the strangely straight couple enjoyed their meals, leaving a jealous, broken Goten to cry in the darkness!

Miyuki's happiness is not long lived, for Lance and Sword attack! Why is Trunks in the bathroom when he is needed the most? Luckily, Blade and Saber step in to save the day—but end up needing to be saved themselves! Luckily, Mac's X-tra Strength Laxatives kick in just in time, taking Lance down for the count! Two more dragonballs found, two to go!

Meanwhile, Jamison slyly sneaks into Tina's room to rapidly recover his precious _Playboy_, but things quickly go wrong when the titillating Tina walks out of the shower!

Jamison: _I...can't...hold onto it...any...longer..._

Maggie: "Wait till everyone hears about this!"

Will Jamison be arrested for pedophilia, or worse, be ridiculed by his fellow Space Knights? Will Aki and Takaya ever reconcile their differences? Will the gang find another dragonball and/or meet Lance and Sword? Will Miyuki have even less time left? We'll find out, today, on...

________________  
-[ **Tekkaman Z**]- 

Episode 11: Virgin-Vagary 

By: Kajitani-Eizan 

Setting: Day 2, about 7:00 AM, the Blue Earth. 

Miyuki Meter: 32.5 hours remaining. [========|========|========] 

Phatness Gauge Z: 1234567

"Dragon Radar," said Shinya, holding the device up to his eyes. "Give me sight beyond sight!" 

A cricket chirped. Ringo stomped on it. 

"It doesn't work like that, Shinya," said Takaya, walking into the room. "Try hitting the button on the top." 

"Ah, thanks... Yep, the dragonball is still in that city over there," he said, gesturing. 

"Yeah!" shouted Takaya. 

"What the...?" said Ringo, sitting up straight. He peered at the console in front of him. "No way... It's an enemy Tekkaman!" 

"What?" asked Shinya. "We just beat those two up last night! It can't be..." 

"It's a green Tekkaman," said Ringo. 

"Axe!" shouted Takaya. "God damn it, he's still alive?! He'll die this time!" 

"This is the last straw!" yelled Shinya, slamming his fists down on the console. "Every time I start to work on my Outlaw Star fic, some stupid battle involving the fate of the Earth has to come and interrupt me! That's it! I'm not going!" 

"But Shinya—" 

"No! I'm not going, and that's final! You're doing this solo!" 

"Fine, then," returned Takaya. "Be like that! Tek-setta!" 

Aki watched Takaya fly outside and transform into Tekkaman Blade. _Be careful...jerk._

"Wait," said Blade, "so did I Voltekker you into oblivion five or six times now?" 

"I think it was seven," replied Gunnar. "Wanna see my fatal wound?" 

"Let me guess...it's amazing what they can do with molecularized bodies these days," said Blade. 

"Yep. Well, do you know what time it is, Blade?" 

"Yeah, it's about seven AM." 

"Well then, it's time to say...um...it's time for a... VOL-TEKKA!" 

"Pegas," said Blade, boredly staring up at the green-white crystal beam. "Haikoutou Vol-tekka!" 

"AAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH..." 

Blade watched Gunnar sail off into outer space, his body disintegrating along the way. "Well, that should shut him up for another five episodes." 

"Gunnar's still alive?" asked Miyuki. "Wow, Fritz never had this much endurance when he and Hun Rii—never mind." 

*** 

Whistling a happy tune, Lieutenant Melders strolled down the hall, papers in hand. He reminisced about the previous night; the sheer joy that he had experienced when he had rid himself of his persistent, not-so-secret admirer still coursed through his veins. He even went as far as to hug Reiko in greeting, causing her to blush. 

_Now all that's left is to deliver these papers to Galt-sama,_ he thought, arriving at the general's office. _That's odd...he's not here. But these papers are time-critical; I must deliver them at once! I better check his room._

He retraced his steps and walked over to the General's suite. The door was unlocked. 

_That must be Galt-sama,_ he thought, hearing muffled voices from one of the rooms. He walked over and opened the door. 

Galt was in bed. Next to him was... 

"Oh, Blade, yes!" cried out Galt, thrusting his backside against the armored front of Earth's savior, Tekkaman Blade. 

"Tekno-power-blaster!" came Blade's voice from the built-in speaker of the mannequin. Galt moaned as a wet, squishy sound was heard. 

"General...these papers...important..." managed Melders before passing out. 

*** 

Omega stared into space, shocked. "Sword..." he trailed off. 

"Yes, dear sire?" asked Sword, dutifully kneeling on the ground in front of her master. 

"Dear...have you been..." started Omega. "Have you been cheating on me?" 

"What!" blurted Sword, shocked. "I...I would never dream of such a—" 

"Gunnar!" boomed Omega, glaring at a pod on his right. "It was with Gunnar, wasn't it?!" 

Sword turned to a pod on her left, her heart skipping a beat. Gunnar had been missing for about twenty-five episodes, and everyone had thought him dead. She was filled with joy when a bugger brought his battered remains back home, where he could recover in a healing pod. But now...as he lay there... 

"Sire, he may have survived Blade's Voltekker, but he's hurt..." said Sword. "There's no way that I could—" 

"You...please leave," sobbed Omega, breaking down into tears. "Just leave; I want to be alone." 

Nodding and swallowing hard, Sword turned and left the room. 

"As for _you_," said Omega angrily to Gunnar, "I think I may need another Ascendant Tekkaman in the near future..." 

*** 

Takaya stared into space, shocked. "EWWW!" he screamed. 

"What?" asked Shinya, busily working on his Outlaw Star fic. _Hmm...how should I get Gene to miraculously and completely unexpectedly escape the black hole...?_

"...Nothing..." shuddered Takaya. 

"We're here!" yelled Aki. "The dragonball is in this city!" 

The Space Knights walked through the city towards the location of the dragonball until they came to a stop in front of a building. 

"It's definitely in here," affirmed Takaya. 

The group walked in, only to be handed a flyer. 

"Look!" exclaimed Shinya, pointing at the picture on the piece of paper. "The prize for the Best Couple Contest is...the five-star dragonball! Plus a thousand bucks!" 

"Great!" said Ringo. "So let's find out where they keep that thing and steal it, killing any people that might be in the way!" 

Everyone glared at him. 

"Or...we could enter the contest," he conceded, sighing. 

Takaya and Aki looked at each other. "Um..." started Takaya. 

"For Miyuki," she replied, reddening. She was still sore about the accusation that Takaya made and refused to repeal. 

"Hmm, we should enter one more couple, just in case," said Shinya. 

"Sure, I'll do it!" Ringo beamed, gazing slyly at Miyuki from the corner of his eye. 

"Hmm, then it's decided," said Miyuki. "Takaya and Aki will enter as one team, while Ringo and Balzac will enter as the other." 

*** 

_Is that...?_ thought Trunks, his heart skipping a beat. He stopped his car and hopped out. Goten sat alone on the beach, staring out into the horizon, crying his eyes out. 

"Goten-chan!" called Trunks. The object of his beckon started and turned his head. 

"Trunks-chan..." 

"I'm so sorry about last night," apologized Trunks, sitting down next to Goten and putting his arm around him. "Miyuki came over unexpectedly, and since Dad was home early, I had to—" 

"Don't say any more," said Goten bitterly. "I saw you two in the Blue Oyster last night...I saw you two...kissing." 

"Huh?" asked Trunks, confused. "We weren't kissing!" 

"Don't deny the truth!" wailed Goten. "I saw...after Amaantu left...you just leaned over...and...and...and then you got up and left..." 

Trunks thought back to the previous night. He had gotten up to go to the bathroom, of course...before that, they had ordered dessert. Then, Miyuki... 

"Oh, that!" said Trunks. "No, I assure you, Goten-chan, Miyuki had something in her eye, and I only leaned over to see what it was." 

"Re...really?" asked Goten, sniffling. 

Trunks wiped Goten's tears away with his finger. "Really," he murmured, bringing his lips closer to Goten's. He drew Goten closer, staring into his deep chocolate-brown eyes, showing his love with his shining irises, and preparing to show his love with his lips, which drew ever tantalizingly closer— 

"Hey, guys!" yelled Gohan, waving at the two from a distance. They quickly broke apart, blushing and staring out at the sea. 

"So, what's up?" queried Videl, Gohan's loving wife. 

"Oh, not much," replied Trunks nonchalantly, knowing that if Goten spoke, Gohan might be able to pick up that something was amiss. "Just having a man-to-man conversation. As...friends." 

"Ah, I see," said Gohan. "Well, I actually have this message to deliver to you..." 

*** 

"And now, let the Best Couple Contest begin!" yelled the announcer. "The first couple, Takaya Aiba and Aki Kisaragi, please come up!" 

The two flashed smiles at the audience and tried to look cute together as they walked up the aisle. 

"And now, Ringo Richards and Barbara St. Jacques!" 

Ringo tried not to puke as he tried to pull away from Balzac. Unfortunately, the sets of handcuffs that bound them together proved too much for his meager machinations. Balzac was in worse condition, trying to look feminine while painfully aware of his unshaven jowls and hairy legs. 

"You're doing fine, Barbara!" managed Aki between fits of laughter. 

"Looking hot there, Saint!" joked Takaya, cracking up. 

"Next, Cloud Strife and Yuffie Kisaragi, please come up!" 

Takaya stared at the blond man with his young companion. _Wait a second..._

"And now, let's hear it for Dr. Cid and Aki Ross!" 

"THEY'RE a couple?" asked a spectator, shocked. "That old man has white hair! He must be more senile than my grandaddy!" 

_White hair...?_ thought Takaya. _No..._

"And here's... Barrett Wallace and Tifa Lockhart!" 

The busty brunette and the gun-toting gigas marched up the aisle, swearing at the third couple. 

"Cloud, you jackass!" yelled Barrett. "How could you cheat on Tifa for Yuffie?!" 

"Cheat on Tifa?!" screamed Yuffie. "You mean, how could he have cheated on me!" 

"Hey, I'm not the only one to blame here!" yelled Cloud. "I know how you slept with Tifa, Yuffie!" 

"What?!" said Barrett, a nosebleed developing from the thought of such a relationship. _Man, and I was _bored_ since Final Fantasy VII!_

"You're not innocent in all this, Barrett!" yelled Cloud. "You slept with Yuffie, too, didn't you?" 

"That's it!" yelled Tifa. "Get him!" 

Tifa and Yuffie leapt onto Cloud, beating the crap out of him and each other. Barrett tried to pull them apart, but only got his black hair pulled in the process. 

Takaya stared in shock as the pieces of the puzzle began to fall together. Memories floated through his mind—painful memories of thinking—no, _feeling_—that Aki was cheating on him, was being intimate with other guys—and women. _'Kisaragi-san' wasn't referring to Aki at all!_ he realized, staring at Yuffie, who was pulling on Cloud's spiky blond hair. _And Jamison wasn't screwing the Aki I know__—it was this shitty old man screwing the other Aki! Oh my God! What have I done to my sweet, sweet Aki-chan?!_

"Both couples three and five are hereby disqualified for undue violence," announced the announcer. 

"Aki," breathed Takaya, clasping her hands in his, "I'm so sorry for accusing you of cheating on me! It was all my fault! Please...will you forgive me?" 

Aki stared at him. "Takaya...yes, I will. I love you!" She smiled at him, tears running down her eyes, before the two met in a long kiss. 

"I love you, too, Aki..." he moaned between Frenches. 

"Just one condition...please promise me that you'll never go off and spend a month with another girl on an island somewhere." 

The audience cheered. The female members of the audience were split between Takaya and Ringo, and the male members felt themselves redden as they stared at the Akis. 

"Ah, here's couple number six!" said the announcer. "Fritz von Braun and Hun Rii...I can't pronounce that!" 

"What?!" cried out the Space Knights. 

The green haired Radam sauntered up the aisle with his hands all over his black-haired partner, eliciting cheers from the crowd. They took their spot next to Takaya and Aki, who glared at them. 

"Why are you here?!" rasped Takaya, glaring at the other couple. 

"We needed the cash," replied Hun Rii, shrugging. 

"Hmm," said Fritz, "couldn't we have just robbed a bank or something?" 

"No," replied Takaya, gritting his teeth, "I meant, why is Gunnar here? I thought I killed you!" 

"Oh, that," said Fritz, waving a hand dismissively. 

"And now, for the judging," said the announcer. 

All the teams tensed, for there was tremendous tension in the air. The outcome of the Couple Contest would decide Miyuki's fate—nay, it would decide the fate of the planet. Would Tekkaman Rapier live...or die? 

"And the winner is...couple number..." 

The three teams held their breaths. Dr. Cid starting wheezing from oxygen deprivation, forcing Dr. Ross to pat him on the back. 

"Seven!" 

All heads turned to the doorway, where a spotlight focused on... 

"Trunks and Miyuki?!" 

*** 

Jamison groaned yet again. He couldn't believe this was happening. He knew he should stop it, but just having her soft hands touch him was enough to soften his resolve, though they had an opposite effect on— 

"Okay, that should do it!" squealed Tina. "Aww, Jamison-san, you look so cute!" 

"Yeah, very," smirked Maggie, shoving Jamison into the hall. "Now go on, get out there! Show them your new look!" 

Jamison sweatdropped at the amount of stares he was getting from surprised personnel. A few stifled giggles and chuckles. 

"Thanks for letting me borrow your clothes, Maggie," said Tina. "Mine were too small, plus I don't have much makeup." 

"No problem," replied Maggie with a smile, watching the Commander trying to balance himself on his high heels. "It was more than worth it for this..." 

_When Tina said she wanted something as payback yesterday, I didn't know it would be this bad..._

*** 

"Here are your prizes," beamed the announcer at the couple, handing Miyuki the cash and dragonball. Trunks scratched his nose and headed for the bathroom, abdominal rumblings pressing him on. 

"Why...you...we needed that cash!" growled Hun Rii. "Tek-setta!" 

"It's time to party!" shouted Gunnar. "Flee for your lives! Ascendant Tek-setta!" 

The audience fled as Gunnar and Sword brandished their weapons. Gunnar laughed as he switched his lance into bow form and shot a barrage of arrows at the judge's booth, destroying it. 

"Enough of this!" cried Takaya, whipping out his crystal. "Tek—" 

"Blade!" smirked Gunnar. "You might want to rethink that one." 

_Oh no!_ thought Takaya. _Gunnar is somehow an Ascendant Tekkaman! Neither of us can tek-set! Shit, we're doomed!_

"Let's see your Ascendant armor stop this!" shouted Ringo, detaching himself from Balzac. "Soltek-setta!" 

"What?!" 

"Soltekkaman...Noaru!" 

"Hahaha...your pitiful Z-tron gun will not harm me," mocked Gunnar, taking several shots without flinching. "What if...I attack your friends over here? Goo jets!" 

"No!" cried Noaru as Balzac, Aki, Takaya, and Miyuki became encased in noxious goo, eliciting screams of pain from them. 

"They must be so nice and cozy; I envy them," chuckled Gunnar, suddenly flashing a crimson eye at Noaru. "Don't you?" 

"How...dare...you...hurt my friends!" shouted Noaru. "RAAARRGGHHH!" 

Gunnar and Sword shielded their eyes from the bright light that emanated from Noaru. When it finally diminished, they turned back—and gasped. 

"Blastor Soltekkaman!" cried Sword. 

"I'll send you to hell!" shouted Gunnar, charging up his Ascendant Voltekker. 

"SOL-TEKKA!" shouted Noaru. 

"NOOOOOOOOOOO..." moaned Gunnar as the blue beam cut through his Ascendant Voltekker and sent him flying to yet another region of the cosmos. 

"No, Fritz!" shouted Sword. "That's it; you die! VOL-TEKKA!" 

Noaru watched exhaustedly as the yellow beam approached him, his Soltekker having drained almost all of his energy, rendering him immobile. _Guys...I'm sorry..._

"Ringo!" shouted Takaya and Aki, stretching their hands up. "RINGO!" 

Sword laughed in satisfaction as her Voltekker, finished with demolecularizing Noaru, continued on its way and destroyed the nearby Pokémon store. 

"Ringo..." sobbed the Space Knights. 

"I won't let you get away with this! Tek-setta!" cried Takaya, tears streaming from his eyes. 

"For Ringo-kun's honor!" cried Miyuki, water gushing out of her eyes. "Tek-setta!" 

"Come and get me...if you dare," sneered Sword. 

"I'm sure this will be a most interesting fight," smirked Lance, descending from the demolished ceiling. "Traitors." 

*** 

"Unnh..." groaned Melders. "Where am I...?" 

"You're safe and sound," smiled Reiko, running her fingers through his hair. 

"Reiko...all I remember is, I saw something terrible...truly terrible..." 

"Shh, don't worry, it's okay," whispered Reiko, silencing him with a finger on his lips. "I'm here; everything will be alright." 

"Reiko-chan..." murmured Melders, faintly smiling. 

"Melders-chan..." 

"Please, call me Rick," whispered Melders, drawing her in closer. 

A girl stood just outside the door, peering in through the crack between the door and the wall. Her hands were clenched with jealousy. The time that she had visited her brother Watts, former pilot of Diamond fighter, in the cafeteria when they were eating Bun Wraps, she couldn't help but stare at the table at which a blond German man and a woman sat. She had tried again and again to attract her love's attention, but it had never succeeded; she had just been continually ignored. 

"I will win your heart," she whispered, "Reiko-chan." 

*** 

"Do you really think you can win against such odds?" sneered Lance. 

"This isn't looking good," muttered Blade. "We need a miracle now...a miracle..." 

Suddenly, a blue bolt came out of nowhere, causing Lance to scream in pain as it connected with him. 

"Eat my Spectrum Interference Gun!" yelled Jamison, shooting several more shots at him. 

"Argh..." grunted Lance as he shook off the effects of the SIG. "That may be a powerful weapon...but it is nothing compared to the power of an Ascendant Tekkaman!" 

"Um...Commander, wasn't that gun supposed to be in its earliest experimental stages?" asked Blade. 

"Yes," he replied. "Why do you think I'm out of Z-tron? Oh no!" 

Sword growled, rushing at Jamison. He gasped as she threw him towards the high ceiling of the club room. He saw the floor get farther and farther away; his backside soon hit the ceiling, and he proceeded to fall back down. 

"No!" he yelled as he saw Sword fly straight up towards him with her lance pointed directly at his body. Before he even fell five feet from the ceiling, she drove her lance straight into his chest. The crunching sound of breaking ribs could be heard, and the tearing of organs was clearly audible as the lance ripped through Jamison and emerged out of his backside. Sword pushed his body up back against the ceiling, causing the part of the lance that emerged out of his backside to lodge into the metal above. She generated four small daggers, pinned Jamison's extremities to the ceiling, and watched the result of her work in pure satisfaction. Blade and Rapier silently witnessed all of this in disgust and gasped at the horrid sight of their leader's body, nailed to the metal above. Sword chuckled as she landed on the floor next to the Earth Tekkamen and looked up. The Commander's expression was one of pure terror, and his blood rained to ground.

"Jamison-san!" yelled Blade. "JAMISON-SAN!"

"First Ringo, now Jamison," sobbed Rapier. "When will this nightmare end?"

"Um...wasn't that a bit extreme?" asked Lance, nauseated by the scene.

"Hmm...haven't I seen this scene somewhere before?" muttered Briefs Alena, taking another sip of her drink.

***

Trunks smirked as he washed his hands in the bathroom. Painful screams and lascivious moans came from the stall all the way on the end, and he could guess what was going on in there. 

_Well, I'd better join Miyuki and the others again,_ he thought. 

"Hey, you!" called the moaning voice from the stall. "Could you come here for a minute? My partner here wants to try a threesome." 

"No, I don't! Please, save me from this rapist!" cried Watts. 

"Don't worry, he's a bit of a masochist," continued Bakin. "He likes to pretend he doesn't want it, but he _loves_ getting it from more than one person at a time." 

_I don't see why not..._ thought Trunks, unbuckling his belt. 

*** 

"It's the end for you two," boomed Lance, standing in front of the trapped Tekkamen, lance raised. "Prepare to meet your—argh!" 

Lance shifted forward slightly as he felt a Z-tron bolt smack into him from behind. Saint fired several more shots, hitting the Tekkaman and burning through the goo that trapped Blade and Rapier. Aki yowled as the bolt singed her hair, but rolled out of harm's way otherwise unhurt. 

"That's it," growled Lance, turning to face Saint and charging up his Ascendant Voltekker, "This time you die!" 

"Miyuki, now!" shouted Blade, opening up his Voltekker cells. 

"ZERO VOL-TEKKA!" 

Lance screamed in agony as the concentrated blast burned through his Ascendant armor and plowed into him, sending him careening across the room and into the wall, causing it to collapse onto him. 

"Zero Voltekker..." gasped Sword. "A Voltekker fired at point-blank range, utilizing the user's full upper body strength...I can't believe it! It's not possible! No way!" 

"You murderer," seethed Blade. "You're next! RAAAARRGH!" 

Sword looked on in fear as Blade thrust out his chest and screamed like a madman. He leaned back and held his arms bent and to his sides in a 'power up' pose, causing a blue, glowing sphere to emerge from behind him. 

_I bet this is where that Blastor power Omega was talking about a few episodes back would come in handy,_ thought Blade. 

"I'd better jet, and fast!" said Sword, flying out out the hole created by Noaru. 

"You're not going anywhere, you bitch!" screamed Rapier, flying after her with rapier drawn. 

"Someone, please respond!" shouted Tina, halting Rapier mid-flight. 

"Tina?" said Blade, Rapier, Aki, and Saint, surprised. Blade walked over to the ever-growing puddle of blood on the floor, then looked up. 

"Her voice is coming from the communicator on Jamison's belt," he said. Noting that the late Commander no longer had any use for it, he detached it from his belt, being careful not to get any blood on his armor or to let Tina see the state of her former leader. He also relieved Jamison of his wallet, watch, cell phone, and expensive visor, noting that he no longer had any use for these, either. 

"What are you doing up there?" asked Saint. "Hurry it up!" 

"Right!" said Blade, sheepishly retracting his armored hands from the Commander's pockets. 

"Listen!" continued Tina when the four had regrouped. "We have an urgent problem! The Radam plants all over the world seem to have started moving!" 

"Oh, SHIT!" yelled Rapier. 

"What?" 

"It's Radam's secret weapon," she said. "When the flowers bloom, they will start to capture people and turn them into Radam slaves...Tekkamen that serve Omega...just like those plants on the Argos." 

"Like the plants on the Argos..." echoed Blade, horrified. 

"Wait a second," started Saint, "if you knew how dangerous these plants are, shouldn't you have told us about them when we found you twelve episodes ago?" 

"Um..." said Rapier sheepishly. 

Everyone stared at her. 

"Because of your stupidity," growled Saint, stepping menacingly closer, "we might have to deal with _hundreds_—nay, _thousands_ more Tekkamen?!" 

"Er..." she said. "My bad?" 

*** 

Galt sighed as he reminisced about his experience with Blade earlier. He remembered with glee how good it felt when Blade Voltekkered straight into his tight, willing— 

"Sir!" shouted an officer on the bridge. "You've got to see this!" 

Galt stared at the screen in horror. _Please, Blade,_ he prayed, _deliver us from this latest threat to mankind..._

*** 

Blade, Saint, Rapier, and Aki gasped as they saw their surroundings. 

Radam flowers marched around the city, devouring people to be educated in the Tekka-system. Some jumped into the water and floated, in menacing rows, across the ocean to other areas. Everywhere, people were curled up in a fetal position, some screaming out in pain, some resting peacefully. Blade noted with a modicum of satisfaction that Dr. Cid had already been rejected. 

"My God..." gasped Saint and Aki. 

"The nightmare," said Blade gravely, looking up at the sky, "has begun." 

_______________________  
**Next time on Tekkaman Z!**

The final stage of the Radam invasion has begun! Is Earth doomed to be taken over by Radam? (Will Galt become straight?) Or can the power of Earth's heroes—and/or that of the dragonballs—save the planet? Wait...who is this new enemy? And why must he appear when the Earth is in its moment of true desperation? Find out next time, on the final episode of Tekkaman Z! 

___________  
End Chapter 11 


	12. Desperate Desperation

Author's Note: 

This story may contain elements and scenes from other fan-fictions written by different authors. If you feel that your rights are being violated, don't hesitate to contact me. Thank you. 

Of course, all of the Tekkaman/Dragonball/other characters/ideas that are not made up by me are property of their respective creators. I hope you enjoy this fiction. 

CAUTION: This story is not for the weak. Some of the situations may not feel amusing or appropriate to you. If this is the case, please stop reading the story, or skip to the next appropriate section. The '14 and up' rating means literally, 'not suitable for those under 14', unlike the lame rating system used for movies and TV programs, which means, 'okay for 10 and up'.  
____________  
**[TV-14 FVLN]**

**Last time on Tekkaman Z!**

The gang has entered a Best Couple Contest to win the five-star dragonball! The good news is, Aki and Takaya are back together! The bad news is, Gunnar and Sword are back! Well, Gunnar is disposed of as usual, but at a great cost...our food-obsessed friend Ringo is lost in the battle. Just when things couldn't get any worse, who else but Lance appears! He, too, is taken care of, but at more expense—this time at the cost of Jamison's life! 

Meanwhile, Lieutenant Rick Melders smiles at Akamatsu Reiko! 

And just when things couldn't get any worse, the Radam spore plants have activated, enveloping Earth in the last phase of Radam's plan to unfurl its banner across yet another region of the cosmos! Could things get any worse? Perhaps we'll find out today on...

________________  
-[ **Tekkaman Z**]- 

Episode 12: Desperate Desperation 

By: Kajitani-Eizan 

Setting: Day 2, about 12:00 PM, the Blue Earth. 

Miyuki Meter: 27.5 hours remaining. [========|========|========] 

Phatness Gauge Z: 1234567

A beeping monitor attracted Aki's attention. She turned towards it and gasped. 

"Oh no!" yelled Aki. "Shinya's taken the rocket boosters! He's heading for Omega's base on the moon!" 

"No, that fool!" yelled Takaya. "He can't possibly take on Omega by himself! Why didn't he ask for my help?" 

"Poor Shinya," said Aki, gazing at the viewscreen. "Those buggers are going to give him a hard time." 

Suddenly, the buggers parted, allowing Saber free passage to the moon. Saber flashed a red eye. 

"Red?!" gasped Takaya. "That can only mean one thing...Shinya's randomly reverted back to his Radam side! No! Shinya, no!" 

Aki could only stare in shock as Takaya slammed in fist down on the console and sobbed. 

Suddenly, he made up his mind. "I've got to go and stop him!" he yelled, running for the airlock. 

"Wait, Takaya!" cried Aki. "Watch out for—" 

Takaya's eyes widened as he tripped over a pipe on the floor. He went flying into the opposite wall, hitting his head against it with a sickening crunch. 

"TAKAYA!" yelled Aki, running to his side. "Are you all right?" 

After a few moments, he opened his eyes. "Wh...where am I?" 

"Takaya?" asked Aki. 

"Takaya...? Is that my name?" said Takaya. "Oh no, I seem to have lost my memory!" 

_My god... _thought Aki. 

*** 

The blue, glowing fluid drained out of the glass tube. The tube opened with a rush of compressed air, allowing the armored figure within to exit. 

"Soon..." the figure intoned, flashing a red eye. 

*** 

"Yes, your name is Takaya, and my name is Aki," said Aki quickly. "Look, there's no time, you've got to tek-set, get out there, and fight Saber!" 

"Saber...?" said Takaya. 

"Yes!" replied Aki, tightening her grip on Takaya's shoulders. "You were just about to go after him when you tripped on that pipe, hit your head, and lost your memory, remember? Now c'mon, tek-set!" 

"Tek-set...?" asked Takaya uncertainly. "What do you mean?" 

"You know," said Aki exasperatedly, "that thing where you generate your green crystal, swing it above your head, shout 'Tek-setta!', and transform into Tekkaman Blade!" 

Takaya looked at his hand and flexed it, causing the emerald Tek-set crystal that we all know and love to... 

...not appear. 

"I can't do that," said Takaya. "I don't know what you're talking about." 

"What?!" shouted Aki. 

"What's all the ruckus about?" asked Miyuki, walking in. 

"Takaya's lost his memory! He can't even transform anymore!" yelled Aki. 

"No!" cried Miyuki, running over to hug Takaya tightly. "Takaya!" 

"Um...you're making me uncomfortable..." muttered Takaya nervously, trying not to look down Miyuki's shirt. His face reddened. 

"You're my brother! I'm your sister, Miyuki!" she yelled. 

_Oh, good..._ thought Takaya, his face returning to its normal color. _Whew, that makes things less complicated..._

"And she..." started Miyuki desperately, "she's your...well...she, um, likes you and all...please try to remember!" 

"I'm sorry," said Takaya, glancing furtively at Aki's pretty, sobbing face, "I still can't remember anything." 

_Great..._ thought Aki. _Shinya's defected, Takaya's lost his memory, Ringo is dead, the Commander is gone as well, and the Radam plants are blooming. Now Miyuki is our only hope..._

*** 

"Hey, did you see those giant man-eating plants?" said Goku. 

"Yeah," replied Krillin. "Man, they really pulled out all the stops for this next movie!" 

"Yeah, I thought they were changing to CG these days, but I guess the realism and publicity make live acting worth it..." 

The two watched as another man screamed for mercy as he was captured and swallowed by a Radam plant. 

*** 

"Master," said Saber, kneeling down in front of Omega. 

"Saber?!" asked Omega, incredulous. "You dare to return after what you've done, traitor?!" 

"I beg for forgiveness, master!" pleaded Saber. "I merely saw a perfect opportunity to spy on the humans and did not have enough time to ask your permission first." 

"Never do anything without first consulting me, my sweet little servant!" boomed Omega. His voice took on a softer, more sly tone. "And what are the fruits of your spying?" 

"Sire," replied Saber, "I have found out about these things called 'dragonballs'. They are little orange spheres, and there are only seven of them on the planet." 

"And what would be the point of these?" asked Omega, boredly amused. 

"Once you collect all seven, a huge dragon will appear and grant you any wish you desire," replied Saber. "I'm sure that would mitigate the conquest of Earth, wouldn't you say?" 

Omega stared at him, shocked. "You've been the most useful servant I've had since...well, the most useful ever!" cried Omega. "Find all seven at once!" 

"Yes," said Saber, "but to find these balls, you need to have one first, which will tell you how to get the others. And, if what Lance told me is correct, you have already found one yourself." 

"I did?" blurted Omega. "Oh, that's right, I did." _Now that I think about it, I do remember finding a small orange ball floating out in space..._

"I will send a bugger to fetch the ball for you," said Omega, mentally sending the instructions to a bugger. "I leave this job to you." 

"Thank you, sire," replied Saber, flashing a red eye. "You know how much I love to serve you." 

"Ah, here it is," intoned Omega, taking the dragonball from the bugger's claws. It had one dark orange star in it. "Take it and find the others quickly!" 

"Yes, Master," replied Saber, kneeling to accept the gift. He got up and left the room. 

_Ah, yes..._ thought Omega. _With Saber back on my side, I will be able to rid myself of those traitors Blade and Rapier! Hahaha..._

*** 

Suddenly, a comm channel opened. 

"Anyone! Can you hear me? Please respond!" cried Bakin desperately. 

"This is the Blue Earth," replied Aki, quickly rushing over to the console. "What's wrong?" 

"This is Lieutenant Izumi Bakin from the Allied Military Secret Research Base," replied Bakin, panicked. "Radam is attacking the base, and we can't hold out much longer! We'll try to hide ourselves and the latest technology, but please send help!" 

"Er..." replied Aki. "Well, we have some problems of our own involving our Tekkamen..." 

"Tekkamen?!" cried Bakin. "Send them over! Please! We need them desperately! The fate of the planet depends on—" 

Bakin was cut short as the screen changed to static. 

"Oh, no," said Aki. 

"I'm the only one left..." whispered Miyuki. "But I must help. It's my duty." 

"I'm sorry I can't help," said Takaya, shaking his head. "But I can't remember anything. Although this situation does sound somewhat familiar..." 

Aki calculated the coordinates of the origin of the transmission and set the Blue Earth to fly in that direction. With Ringo and Jamison dead, she was the acting Commander of the Space Knights. If the Space Knights could give any help to research bases, Allied Military or not, their duty to the planet was to do so. 

*** 

"My newest plan," thundered General Galt, head of the Allied Military, "is to defeat the enemy not when it is on the attack, but when it on the defense. This means we must strike at their home base." 

The screen behind him switched to a new slide that displayed the Orbital Ring System. 

"My newest plan," continued Galt, "is to fire the Thunderhawk missile directly at the Space Ring, spreading Z-tron throughout the entire Ring and causing the various sections of it to fall to Earth, needlessly sacrificing millions of lives. Any questions?" 

"Of course!" yelled Melders, standing up. "How could you think of such a thing, Galt-sama?! What proof do you have that the Space Ring is Radam's base, and how can you justify the wanton murder of millions of innocent people?!" 

"We must make sacrifices in a war, Lieutenant," said Galt, "and this is one of them. If millions—even _billions_—die in this war, it is worth it if I get more prestige! Understand?" 

"And, of course," said a rather weasel-like aide, "he will be _saving_ the lives of millions more—nay, the lives of entire human race!" 

"It still isn't worth it, Galt-sama!" shouted Melders. "I greatly respect you, but I feel that you're making a terrible mistake!" 

"General!" cried Reiko, holding Melders' arm. "Please reconsider!" 

"I would ask you to be quiet before I arrest you for insubordination!" thundered the General. "Now...any other objections?" 

The assembly shook their heads nervously. 

"Good," he replied with a hard smile. "Begin preparations for the firing of the Thunderhawk missile." 

_Finally..._ thought Galt. _We will finally end this war. It's a surprise that that fool Jamison hasn't yet complained to the President like last time..._

*** 

"Hello?" called out Aki. "Is anyone there? Can anyone hear me?" 

Apparently, the buggers had attacked, and finding nothing of immediately obvious importance, had left, leaving the place in ruins. Miyuki and Aki walked down the destroyed halls, looking for the survivors, while Takaya stayed aboard the ship in case of emergency. 

"Hello?" called Miyuki. 

"Wait a second..." said Aki, stooping to examine the floor. "Look, there's a thick layer of dust on the floor. And it isn't debris from the attack; the ceiling looks quite intact." 

"That's odd," replied Miyuki, puzzled. "There shouldn't be dust; even if the janitor was slacking, the personnels' footsteps should have prevented it from gathering." 

Suddenly, the door shut behind them. 

"Shit!" cursed Aki, typing away at the keypad. "It's locked! We can't go back!" 

"Then we had better go forward," replied Miyuki warily. 

The two continued forward until they reached a dark room. Upon stepping in, the door shut solidly behind them with a whoosh, eliciting a curse from Aki. 

Dim lights came on. Miyuki squinted through the darkness and recognized a face. 

"Ah, there you are, Bakin-san," said Miyuki. "Where is everyone else?" 

"There is no one else," replied Bakin, grinning evilly. "Truthfully, I don't really need your help." 

"What...?" trailed off Miyuki, narrowing her eyes. Aki stared at him in shock. 

"Why don't we all brighten up a bit, hm?" joked Bakin, turning up the lights. 

The three stood in a large room with consoles on the sides, mostly broken. A large tube, filled with a blue substance, stood in the center of the room. 

"That blue energy..." gasped Aki. "Is that...?" 

"Yes," replied Bakin. "It's Z-tron. I have managed to gather such a large stockpile thanks to a Mr. Balzac St. Jacques' friend... I believe his name was Dr. Marlow." 

"Marlow..." gasped Aki. 

"Z-tron?" asked Miyuki. "But why would you want Z-tron? And why would you lure us all the way out here?" 

"Oh no," breathed Aki, a slow, sinking realization occurring to her. "It's a trap! How could this be?" 

"I guess I'll show you," smirked Bakin, reaching into his pocket and pulling something out. 

"TEK-SETTA!" 

*** 

Saber flew towards the Blue Earth. _Hahaha..._ he thought. _Blade should be inside the ship. Now for some fun..._

He found Takaya staring at his hands in the cockpit. 

"Having fun, brother?" said Saber, flashing his eye at Takaya. 

"Oh," said Takaya, turning around, "are you my twin brother they keep telling me about? Wait...aren't you evil? ...Shit!" 

"What are you talking about, dummy?" asked Saber. "Are you pretending to have amnesia or something? Now isn't the time; you need to get Miyuki and Aki—" 

"Actually, I do have amnesia," replied Takaya. "I don't remember anything." 

"Don't be stupid!" yelled Saber, smacking Takaya upside the head, causing him to collapse to the floor. "We need to talk to the others!" 

"Well, Miyuki and Aki went down to help the survivors of the Radam attack in that base down there," said Ringo, looking with mild amusement at Takaya's pained state. "But their communicators seem to be jammed." 

"Where...am I?" asked Takaya, rubbing his head. "Where's Miyuki?" 

"Down in that ruin where their communicators are jammed," said Saber, pointing. "But I'm sure there's nothing to worry about." 

"Wait, if their communicators are jammed, doesn't that imply a trap?" said Jamison, crossing his arms. 

Takaya and Saber looked at each other. "Oh, shit!" 

*** 

"You aren't so tough," mocked Rapier as she again hit her opponent with a double-handed rapier slash, sending him flying into a wall. 

"You haven't seen the true power of Tekkaman Gay!" gloated Gay, moving his hands to his sides in his practiced pose and emitting a purple light. "RAAARRRGGGHHH!" 

Rapier watched in horror as Gay evolved into a Blastor Tekkaman, a form with more bulk and phallus-like projections. 

"This is the mighty power of Z-tron!" smirked Gay before blasting forward and plowing into Rapier, causing her to scream in pain. "How do you think Soltekkaman Noaru became Blastor?" 

_The Z-tron..._ thought Aki, hiding behind a console. _That's why he wanted it!_

"Ever since I was captured by that premature Radam plant and educated in the ways of the Tekkaman," explained Gay between punches, "I have realized that the military project known as Z-tron—a project based on Blade's Voltekker data—would be a valuable asset to me. It could help me evolve beyond my current level. I constantly searched for ways to procure more and more Z-tron. This paltry amount certainly isn't enough; I need much more. And recently, I discovered the perfect way to get it." 

"And that...ugh...would be?" queried Miyuki. 

"I'll give you three guesses," replied Gay. "They're orange and round." 

"The dragonballs..." gasped Miyuki. She then cried out as a hard punch knocked the wind out of her. 

"At one point, I had tried to forget about my Radam powers...tried to pursue a happy life," said Gay. "I tried to get together with the man of my dreams, but he rejected me. He rejected me coldly... It was at that point that I knew that I had to get enough Z-tron to be more powerful than Omega. Only then could I take over the Earth. Only then could I force my love to see how great I really am." 

"You can't force your love to like you!" cried out Miyuki. "He'd only hate you for what you're doing!" 

"Someone like you can't understand!" shouted Gay. "Someone like you could never understand!" 

"You're wrong; I—" started Miyuki, only to be cut off by a vicious kick. 

"You don't know anything," growled Gay, charging up his Blastor Voltekker. "You don't know anything!" 

"VOL-TEKKA!" 

Gay cried out as he was thrown back from the force of dual Voltekkers—one green, one blue. 

"No one messes with my sister!" shouted Blade, flashing a green eye at Gay. 

"You're gonna pay for what you've done!" yelled Saber, brandishing his lance threateningly. 

The two watched as the dust cleared. 

"Was that supposed to hurt?" mocked Gay. "You two sure are stupid. But I guess neither of you have seen a Blastor Tekkaman before, hm?" 

"Blastor?!" exclaimed Blade. _That's what Omega was talking about a lot!_

"Well, then, shall we begin?" taunted Gay, generating his lance. Saber raised his eyebrow at the shape of the weapon. 

*** 

Lance realized what his abdominal grumblings were pressing him to do. Peering out of the window, he gazed at the beautiful Earth as he detransformed. 

"Well, this will only be a minor setback," said Moroto, walking into the bathroom. "But soon...very soon...Project Xylophone will activate...Mwahahaha!" 

*** 

"ORYAAA!" screamed Blade, his lance somehow twirling without any movement of his hand. He swung his spinning blade at Gay, who blocked the attack with a perpendicular parry. Gay swung his lance in a rising motion, catching Blade off balance and sending him flying across the room. Saber, seizing this opportunity, stabbed his lance at Gay's back...and missed. Gay sidestepped at the last moment and whirled around, smashing into Saber with a vicious backhand. Saber screamed in pain as he felt his armor crack and pierce his skin from the force of the Blastor Tekkaman's blow. Picking Saber up, Gay laughed as he hurled him into Rapier, who was charging towards Gay, sending the two crashing onto Blade, who was starting to get back up, knocking both Blade and Saber unconscious. 

Gay laughed manically as he revealed all of his Voltekker cells and charged up his Blastor Voltekker. Rapier could only watch, unable to move from the pain, as he flashed red eyes at them, still preparing their imminent deaths. 

_It's all over..._ thought Rapier. _The Earth is doomed... Everyone will be enslaved... I'm so sorry for letting everyone down..._

_What are you talking about?!_ screamed a voice in her head. _You're just going to give up, just like that?_

_What...?_

_Don't be stupid! Hurry up and use it!_

Gay smirked evilly as he finished charging his Blastor Voltekker. 

Rapier lifted her hand up and to the side, pushed it down through the rubble, and lifted out... 

Ringo's spare Soltekkaman Z-tron gun. 

"AAAAGGHH!!" screamed Gay as Rapier pumped shot after shot into his Voltekker cells, temporarily disabling his Voltekker. He shrieked in pain as a bolt shattered his left arm, sending its array of Voltekker cells through the air and next to Rapier. 

_You know what to do!_ yelled a voice in her head. _Do it!_

With grim determination, Rapier grabbed Gay's Voltekker cell and jumped into the pod of Z-tron. 

"What...what are you doing?" screamed Gay. 

"I won't..." breathed Rapier. "I won't let you be killed!" 

"Nooooooo..." moaned Gay, stretching a hand out to her. 

"TEEEAR-TEKKA!" 

_Melders-chan... I wish I could..._

Pink light, surrounded by crackling electricity, spiraled upwards from the base...then exploded outwards in brilliance, eradicating everything in a five mile radius. The wind blew desolately across the dust-covered rubble, denying that any form of life existed within the terrible zone of destruction. 

Aki sighed in relief.

*** 

General Galt, head of the Allied Military, gazed out the window with satisfaction. The preparations for launching the Thunderhawk missile were going well; military personnel with headsets were running around and shouting commands loudly for no apparent reason. 

"Let me go!" shouted Lieutenant Melders, struggling to get out of the guards' firm grip. "General, you're making a terrible mistake!"

"I am making no mistake, Lieutenant!" barked Galt.

"Think of the people you are fighting to save!" cried Reiko. "They will all be killed by your insane plan! What is it that you are trying to protect...humans' lives, or your prestige?!"

Galt thought for a moment, a rare occurrence. "My prestige, of course," he returned. "Take them away."

He turned back towards the view screen. _Soon..._

***

Takaya enjoyed the sensations that he was experiencing as his lover bounced on his lap and Frenched him wildly. Several idle seconds passed as the two fought to catch their breath, but then the action continued, hot as—

"A Taco Bell chicken fajita straight out of the oven," said Ringo, his intent gaze following every luscious jiggle of the lascivious, delicious Jell-O on the television set.

Takaya felt himself build up to a thundering crescendo. "Ohhhh, Aki... yeahhhh..."

"Takaya! Yes! Takaya!" cried the woman. "Takaya! TAKAYA!"

"Takaya! Takaya! Are you okay?" said Aki, shaking Blade by the shoulders.

Blade opened his eyes, groaned, and sat up. A few pieces of his armor were badly damaged by the explosion, but he himself was mostly uninjured. Saber sat up nearby, his armor in a similar state.

"I had such a good dream..." said Blade before turning serious. "How's Miyuki?"

"I found her, but she's trapped under a beam," replied Aki, leading him to Rapier's location. Blade easily lifted the chunk of metal off his sister and knelt down.

"Miyuki, are you all right?" he asked.

She smiled and detransformed. "Well, I feel fine... although that last attack drained a lot of my energy."

"It's okay," said Saber. "I got the last dragonball. We can take them to Bulma and cure you now!"

"Yeah, and we still got a whole day left!" said Ringo, checking the Miyuki Meter.

Miyuki Meter: 0.5 hours remaining. [========|========|========]

"WHAT?!" he shouted. "We only have half an hour left?!"

"Oh no!" exclaimed Jamison. "That Teartekker must have lopped a whole 24 hours off of the time limit!"

"We have to hurry!" shouted Blade, detransforming and whipping out his cell phone. The not-so-quiescent quattro dashed towards the Blue Earth, intent on ending the story arc before Miyuki's life did.

***

Bulma wiped the sweat off her brow and looked at the clock. She finally finished working on her latest invention, and now it was time for lunch.

"Hmm..." she said, picking up the phone, "let me try that new pizza place Goku told me about..."

***

"SHIT!" screamed Takaya, staring at his cell phone. "Her phone is busy!"

"Isn't that _my_ cell phone?" asked Jamison, scratching his chin.

"Keep trying!" said Shinya. "We'll keep heading towards her house. It's not too far now."

"I hope I'll be okay," commented Miyuki, starting on another episode of Initial D. "One thirty seven... one thirty six... one thirty five..."

"...Dammit, her phone's still busy! What could possibly be more important than Miyuki?"

***

"Anchovies?" asked Bulma. "No, that's disgusting..."

"But I like them!" insisted Vegita.

"Okay, so how about we order two anchovy pizzas and ten sausage ones?" asked Trunks.

"No, there's no variety in that," said Goku, leaning his chin on the back of his chair. "Um... can you ask them to list the toppings they have available?"

"Again?!"

***

"We're almost there!" shouted Blade, watching the Blue Earth touch down in Bulma's front yard.. "Stay with us, Miyuki!"

"Six," said Miyuki, eating a jellybean and intently watching the car race between Takumi and Ryousuke on screen.

"No!"

"Five."

Commander Jamison tried to keep a neutral expression as he witnessed the heartbreaking scene unfolding in front of him. He remembered the time when Miyuki was lying in an infirmary bed, recovering from her wounds. Takaya truly opened up his heart to the green-haired young girl. Jamison could clearly see the happiness in Takaya's eyes as he held his sister's hand and talked about the past. The girl's sad eyes smiled back at Takaya, their pretty irises backed with determination. Jamison could not help but respect her strength of will.

"Four."

Ringo felt a tear slip down his cheek. When Miyuki had first arrived, he was glad for his friend Takaya that one of his own had come back to him to give him comfort and support. More importantly, Miyuki was _hot_. Despite his thwarted attempt to partner with Miyuki during the Best Couple Contest, Ringo felt that with enough time, he would have a chance to win her heart. And now, he had only four seconds left to do it.

"Three."

Kisaragi Aki tried to suppress her tears. She remembered the conversation that she had had with Miyuki a while back.

_ "So, Aki, have you put the moves on him yet?"_

_ "What? Who?" blurted Aki, blushing._

_ "C'mon, I can see it as clear as day. You like Takaya."_

_ "I... I don't know..."_

_ "It's so obvious from the way you talk to him, the way you flip your hair back, the way you tilt your head and flash a smile at him..."_

_ "But... I don't know if he likes me..."_

_ "Oh, he does," assured Miyuki. "I know big brother inside out. I can tell. He likes you a lot, but he's too shy to admit it."_

Aki smiled sadly. She had helped out so much... For it to end like this...

"Two."

Aiba Shinya bowed his head. He felt terrible knowing that he had attacked and almost killed his little sister while under the control of Radam. If Takaya hadn't shown up to stop him, this moment of parting never would have happened. He remembered how Miyuki had flashed her bright, cheerful smile at him right before they left the Argos that fateful day long ago. He tried to smile through his tears, knowing that he at least had gotten a chance to spend time with his little sister one last time.

"One."

Aiba Takaya stared at Miyuki in shock, his hands enveloping hers. He thought back to the time that the three of them had played on the beach near the old lighthouse.

_ "Hey!" cried Takaya happily._

_ "Ohh, look what I found!" squealed Miyuki, cradling a perfect seashell in her palms._

_ "Gimme that!" smirked Shinya, grabbing the shell and running away._

_ "Hey, give it back!" whined Miyuki, chasing after him._

_ The three laughed and frolicked under the bright sun, the calm ocean waves beating against the sandy beach. Takaya chased after Shinya and wrestled the shell away from him._

_ "Here you go," he smiled at Miyuki, gently placing the shell back into her hands._

_ "Thanks, oniichan!" squealed Miyuki, beaming up at him._

"Zero."

Miyuki keeled over and hit the floor of the Blue Earth, her emerald green hair trailing behind her like a shining beacon of fallen hope.

"MIYUKI!"

____________  
End Chapter 12


End file.
